Braindead Virtually

Some stuff

2010-03-15T21:24:00.000Z

Pendulum (remember them?) have seemingly bounced back with a bunch of new tracks (I'm not sure how it is that several of them have leaked already seeing as the album is out in May) and I'm surprisingly liking what I'm hearing so far. I wasn't a huge fan of that nu metal/DnB thing they were trying to do on their last album, so I'm pleased to announce that it seems as if they've gone closer to their roots on the new songs, once again producing some pretty fun DnB (the last album was also way too serious in my opinion). The best of the ones I've heard is definitely 'Ransom', can't get that transformers hook out of my head:

Sorry the quality's a bit shit, but at least the music is good.

Hmm, moving along. The new Pokémon games are out in less than two weeks!

I got a lvl 100 Arceus the other day from an event in GAME.

I went with a friend of mine, she'd hate me if I said who it was. Actually, no one reads this so she probably wouldn't care. Her name rhymes with tether, hahahaha... I am in the middle of a four-day weekend, so no college today and none tomorrow either!

I am 18 in less than a month.

/ORGASM

P.S. I reckon I might start up a tumblr, seeing as I can never update this regularly enough (the posts end up being way too long) and tumblr seems a lot better suited to regular quick posts. I'll still use this (mainly for my 'music journalism', though I can't really call it that...) but I'll probably use tumblr more if I can get the hang of it. It seems like the cool thing to do (oh dear I am so behind) anyway. Oh look, here I am! It's clearly awesome so you should take a look.

Giving guitar lessons

2010-03-10T20:41:00.002Z

...is a lot harder than one might think. I've started teaching Heather although they're not really proper lessons, I'm more just sort of helping her along as she goes (she's only been playing for just over a week, bless her). Whether or not you'd actually consider it 'proper teaching' is more or less irrelevant anyway, it's a good laugh so I hope today will have just witnessed the first session of many. I don't really see myself as a very good teacher of anything in particular; I've often had difficulty in the past explaining concepts and that to people. All things considered though I think today was pretty much a success, we went through a bit of Zep and I taught her the main riffs of 'Heartbreaker' and 'Whole Lotta Love', as well as teaching her the basic ideas of the 12 Bar Blues. We didn't play around with that too much though, which was a shame (you can vary it a lot so it can end up being very fun to play around with). Hopefully we'll get to do a proper bluesy session another time.

Another thing which hath provided me with joy lately is my friend Chris' vlogs. He actually started making them about a month ago or something, but I only watched them for the first time yesterday. There are 4 now (although the second is split into 2 parts). GO WATCH, they are awesome! You can find his Youtube channel here although because I am nice and generally amazing I'll put one of his made-of-win videos right here, right now. This is his first vid:

If you don't love it then you do not have a soul. Anyway I must be getting on, SO MUCH WORK TO DO. But before I go, here is one last thing:

DERP

Your rhinestone eyes are like factories far away

2010-03-08T22:09:00.000Z

Plastic Beach gets released almost everywhere today! (Apart from America, lololol). Although you should already be familiar with it, as it leaked a whole week ago now (get with the program guys!). Iddy did her review the other day and its top stuff. You can look at it here, whereas mine is still up on my homepage, just under this post. I seriously cannot stress how much you need to listen to it, to digest it, to take it into your soul! Ah I sound like one of those stupid over the top black priests (I don't mean to be racist...) but it is a very good piece of work, definitely up there for the top album of this year.

I saw the new version of Alice in Wonderland yesterday (by Tim Burton, who else) and I'm pleased to say it surpassed expectations! I've been getting a bit sceptical of Tim Burton lately, his films just seem to be getting more samey and predictable. Alice in Wonderland was a very enjoyable film though, a nice alternative to a sickly sweet stereotypical fairytale, of which I am sick of (not that surprising really). It isn't quite as good as his best films (Sleepy Hollow, Nightmare Before Christmas etc.) but it does seem like he has at least regained his creative enthusiasm, which he had seemed to have lost with recent films. I recommend it to anyone looking for something a little bit different, but still somewhat familiar. I am aware that was a very annoying sentence.

Another thing that is currently awesome is Ash's A-Z Series, which I know I have blogged about before but it is getting very good now. They're currently on K (so 11 main songs plus 'Return of White Rabbit' plus all the B sides and remixes... a lot of songs) with L due to be released next Monday (the main songs are released every two weeks). I'm thinking of reviewing the first half of it (A-M) as an album review, only including the main songs though as that's what it would be like if it was actually an album (I think). They're a bit inconsistent, you get the odd dodgy track followed by a song that just completely blows you away. The overall quality of the new songs is very good though, I reckon some of the tracks are some of the best stuff they've ever done.

Here's a few of my favourites so far:
Tracers (D):

Pripyat (F):

Ichiban (G):

ONE MORE THING. Ffion Mai is awesome and made of win (even though she's Welsh... she doesn't let it hold her back). Cheers Ffi!

Welcome to the World of the Plastic Beach

2010-03-04T23:50:00.001Z

It's March! The sky outside is purple! I haven't done a post in ages...! Sorry about that... A lot of stuff has been going on and I haven't really had the time or been bothered enough to do anything with this. Not to worry though, I'm still alive! With my general alive-ness I bring you my next music review. This one is possibly going to be published in my college's newspaper/magazine type thing, so I'm naturally excited about that! As for what it is... well it should be obvious.

Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
This is the release that's got me the most excited for quite a long time. Much more excited than Heligoland did last month (and that got me very excited). Probably the nearest thing I have to compare this level of excitement to was Muse's The Resistance all the way back in September of last year (that's a bit weird, I can remember when that came out like it was yesterday...). Anyway moving along, I can happily report that this, unlike the two previously mentioned albums, lives up to all my expectations. That is, it is as good as I wanted it to be, but in terms of what it actually sounds like it is something different altogether.

The first major change comes at the very beginning, where Damon has placed another instrumental intro. But where on Demon Days there is a visceral hell-trip, here we get a lush orchestra that brings to mind a sun dappled beach with the tide lapping away gently at the shore. A clever little reference to the title of the album, eh? (In case you don't know, the 'story' of this one is that Murdoc has holed up on the most isolated point on Earth, made up from all of the detritus and rubbish of humanity. This is the 'Plastic Beach' of the title). The first part of the album from here on in is littered with potential singles; from the beautiful 'Rhinestone Eyes' (if we're making comparisons to Demon Days then this is definitely the album's 'El Mañana') to the downright quirky 'Superfast Jellyfish'. The latter is definitely one of the standout tracks and is without doubt the 'poppiest' thing the album has to offer, despite feeling like a proper old school hip-hop track (De La Soul are heavily featured) complete with bizarre samples and jokey lyrics. The song genuinely made me chuckle the first time I heard it, which is a very rare thing indeed. The previously released 'Stylo' is sandwiched between these two, another of the album's highlights. The song itself is actually quite a challenge for me to write about as it encompasses pretty much everything I love about Gorillaz; from the can't-get-it-out-of-your-head beat to the melancholic but brilliant vocals, even the fact that it features someone completely random but awesome (Bobby Womack was persuaded to sing the bridge part after his daughter told him that Gorillaz were cool). I reckon his vocals make the track, it's really something very powerful indeed.

'Empire Ants' follows the block of radio-friendly tunes and is a very pretty sounding song; it reminds me somewhat of their brilliant epic 'Hong Kong' (a song that was recorded during the Demon Days campaign but wasn't on the album). I'm not really sure what to make of the next two tracks. 'Glitter Freeze' and 'Some Kind of Nature' are both fairly repetitive and bland songs, they're not terrible, they're just nothing particularly remarkable either. Not what I have really come to expect from Gorillaz. 'On Melancholy Hill' is another potential single, it's not really standard Gorillaz fare but the composition is done very well and the melody is damn catchy. It'll be stuck in your head for days afterwards. 'Sweepstakes' is an interesting one, I think. It brings to mind very strongly the sound of the first Gorillaz album; dirty and not very poppy at all. The whole album has a similar sort of feel to it, for Demon Days they decided to go very poppy and mainstream which is fair enough as it turned out very good. For Plastic Beach it feels as if they've taken a step back the other way towards where it all began. It's not quite the same though, the majority of the songs here are a lot more intelligent than anything they've ever done. Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett have been very clever with Plastic Beach, everything from the title of the album itself to all the promotional art and videos feels meticulously crafted and put together for a very specific purpose.

All of this climaxes during the title track. 'Plastic Beach' is a beautiful song and without doubt one of the best things they've ever done. It features none other than Mick Jones and Paul Simonon of The Clash fame but it sounds anything but punky. The song brings together all the themes and ideas from the whole thing and combines them to create a fantastically epic masterpiece. The overarching message is that we should really stop and take a look at how our failing planet is doing before it all goes down the shitter; a message we are all familiar with I'm sure but the track is so powerful that it really does make you stop and think for once about how much we are fucking things up.

I was expecting a closer for this album that lived up to the fantastically pretty title track from Demon Days and with 'Pirate Jet' they almost managed it. It really builds itself up into something epic, but then suddenly cuts short. This is one of my main problems with the album; the last track should be much longer! It's like 'Don't Get Lost in Heaven' from the last one, really good but you want it to last a lot longer than it does. Oh well, you can't have everything.

Plastic Beach is in summary, a very good album. It is completely different to Demon Days however and I think they'll lose a lot of their casual fans for this, but sometimes it's good to have a bit of a change. The big list of guests they got to collaborate with them actually works as well, I was worried it might be a bit all over the place because of the wide range of guests but it doesn't really affect the integrity of the whole thing at all. Well done 2-D, Murdoc, Russel and Noodle (although for this album she's actually been 'replaced' by a robot clone of herself... don't ask). You've done it again.

Rating: 9/10
Released: 8th March 2010

I can't think of a title, or much else right now

2010-02-19T11:13:00.002Z

I just want you to talk to me. Please...

I feel so happy!

2010-02-14T23:32:00.000Z

It's like that bit in Spaced where they're dancing along in the middle of the pavement, all smiley and hugging everyone. Ah love...

V-Day!

2010-02-14T11:29:00.001Z

A happy (or not so happy) Valentine's Day to you all! The final song is of course The Beatles' classic 'All You Need is Love' (how could it be anything else?!). By far the most widely recognised and famous song on the entire list, I reckon it's the perfect song to finish it off.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have a rather important matter to attend to...

As promised earlier, here is a shiny new review for you all! (of an old album...)

2010-02-13T23:16:00.001Z

Portishead - Dummy
Right, from trip-hop to yes, more trip-hop. I only really started listening to Portishead earlier this week (I am the world's biggest musical slowpoke...) but I can already say that I like them more than Massive Attack. Why? Their albums are just consistently more brilliant, their songs far more haunting and their singer is just much better than any of the vocalists Massive Attack reel in (although for Hope Sandoval I might make an exception). Dummy is the best example of this; I haven't actually listened to Third yet but I'll be very surprised if it can beat Dummy's level of brilliance.

'Mysterons' starts things off with a chilling and appropriately sci-fi sounding (the Mysterons were the extraterrestrial villains in Captain Scarlet) loop before dropping into a rolling bassline/beat that carries you along with it and refuses to let go. The next track, 'Sour Times', is one of the highlights of the album and really takes things up a notch. The beautiful vocals from Beth Gibbons speak of despair and loss, as well as a burning desire for something distinctly out of reach (the chorus goes 'Nobody loves me/It's true/Not like you do'). A theme of despair seems to run throughout the album, with none of the tracks sounding particularly happy at all. This is no bad thing though. Portishead channel their collective complex of emotions beautifully through their music, this has the effect of drawing you in and leaving you craving for more.

It's not just the emotions running high either. They are clearly very talented; the soundscapes they create here are incredible, going from eerie to intensely powerful within the same song. Listening to Dummy feels less like listening to a trip-hop record and more like a complete thing, a thing about love, loss, despair and everything in between. 'Glory Box' is the perfect closer; it starts off with a lazy bassline (actually a sample) accompanied by Gibbons' ghostly vocals, before exploding into a cacophony of guitars that could be the soundtrack to the end of the world. It brings to mind the climax of Muse song 'Take a Bow'; the apocalypticness and huge sense of scale is still there.

So in summary we have a quite remarkable record here, one which will take every person who listens to it on a personal journey of their own. Just a little bit of advice: don't listen to it if you're feeling a bit emotionally fragile. It'll tear you to pieces.

Rating: 9/10
Released: August 1994

So throw those curtains wide!

2010-02-13T15:50:00.000Z

One day like this a year would see me right!

I really wanted to use an Elbow song as one of the Valentine's songs, they're very very romantic so I was a bit spoilt for choice (even though I only have The Seldom Seen Kid). It's taken me a while to choose which one to use (I only wanted to use one song from each artist I used) but I finally settled on 'One Day Like This'. In the end it was a bit of a toss-up between that and 'Mirrorball'; they're both two of the most beautiful and romantic songs I know, by any artist. I'm not sure what made me choose the former over the latter... maybe 'One Day Like This' is just more obviously romantic (with 'Mirrorball' being a bit more subtle) and even if you don't know Elbow, you will likely recognise it. Therefore it gives me great pleasure to give you the penultimate song of my Valentine's Playlist: 'One Day Like This' by Elbow. If you haven't already heard it, first of all where have you been?! Second of all, LISTEN. Even if you know the song well, listen to it! It is vital music for the soul.

I've got a corker lined up for the final song tomorrow. With regards to tomorrow, I am very nervous, excited and scared all at the same time! I've never really tried anything like this before...

Oh and don't worry, I haven't forgotten. Review will be up later today!

It's Friday, I'm in love (doo do do do do do do doo...)

2010-02-12T22:42:00.000Z

Don't worry, I'm not actually in love yet. That would be creepy and quite frankly ridiculous. It's just a lyric from today's song, which is of course the classic by The Cure. How could it be anything else?

On a totally unrelated note, may I introduce to you... BANANAS BRIAN!! I should probably explain, myself and a few others have set up livejournal accounts and started posting as fictional characters. These characters are all middle aged or elderly and all have hilarious names (generated by taking a boring name and putting a bizarre adjective in front of it. I wanted to alliterate mine just to make it that little bit funnier), they're also ridiculously exaggerated and have very old-fashioned points of view. Just read some of the posts by 'us'. You'll understand. As well as me, there is also Crazy Simon (Kayleigh), Dangerous John (Rachel), Wild Floyd (Adam) and Juicy Margaret (Heather). You should be able to find them from Bananas Brian's page fairly easily.

I was going to do a review of Dummy by Portishead today, but two nights of taekwondo on the trot really tires me out. You'll just have to wait 'til tomorrow, ha!

Teenage Kicks

2010-02-11T23:14:00.001Z

Yet another classic tune for all of you's, today's song is 'Teenage Kicks' by The Undertones. I feel it describes that intense feeling of wanting someone all to yourself perfectly. I listened to Merriweather Post Pavilion (remember, that Animal Collective one?) for the first time in about a month today. I'd forgotten just how good it is, listening to it is just such a brilliantly happy experience. 'Brother Sport' (the closer) is definitely my favourite; words simply cannot do it justice for how incredibly uplifting it is.

There will be no review today, I'm far too knackered after taekwondo. Maybe you'll get one tomorrow. On another completely random note, Skins was well good today. This week's episode is definitely up there with my favourite episodes ever.

It Must Be Love

2010-02-10T23:11:00.001Z

Of course, I had to include this one in the Valentine's playlist somewhere. It's a bonafide classic! I grew up on hours of Madness videos (we had a couple of brilliant compilations on VHS) so this is also quite a personal one for me. If you don't warm to this song (or even relate to it) then I'm afraid you don't have a soul. I'm sorry, that's just the rule. I can't wait 'til Sunday!

In other news, my next review should be up soon. I don't know what it'll be of yet, but I've been listening to a lot of new stuff over the last week or so (not new new, just new to me) and it's all pretty good so I shouldn't have trouble deciding. I'm afraid I'm going to have to end this one here and leave y'all with a short post again. You can't expect me to do a properly long post every day... that's just unrealistic. I'm only posting daily currently because it's special circumstances. Anyway, see you tomorrow!

Tender

2010-02-09T23:43:00.001Z

The Blur classic is today's Valentine's song. I chose this one not only because it is a classic (and one of my favourite songs in general) but also because it can be interpreted in a lot of different ways. You could view it as a song of loss, a song for those waiting to fall in love, or even just for being in love. Listen to it, you'll see what I mean.

I've put it up at the top of the page, along with the others (including 'A Life Less Ordinary' just because why not) in a handy playlist-esque format. This is where all of the Valentine's songs I have chosen will end up eventually. That'll be all for now, goodnight.

MY POKEMANS

2010-02-08T21:40:00.007Z

Let me show you them. Yes, it is once again that time of year (starts about one month prior to the release) where I get really ridiculously excited for a while about the current year's set of Pokémon games. I mean main series RPGs here, none of that shitty spin off stuff. The Pokémon game series has for a long time been one of my favourite game series' ever (even though I'm not much of a gamer) although I think that the main reason I get so excited is because they always get released so much earlier in Japan, so by the time the games come out over here I already know virtually everything about them. The upcoming games, HeartGold and SoulSilver, were released in Japan way back in September, which feels literally like an age ago. They see their release over here on the 26th March and I can't wait! As you may already know, they are the generation II (for those of you who aren't that into Pokémon, we're almost at the end of generation IV) games Gold and Silver remade for the DS. This is an insanely exciting prospect for me, as Gold and Silver are my two favourite Pokémon games (possibly my two favourite games ever...) and the fact that they're being remade for the DS can only be a really good thing (all the generation IV games have been on the DS; this has meant that they've been able to make huge improvements on previous generations, in all areas). Elements of the third gen II game, Crystal, will also be incorporated into the new versions and as such there will be no 'third' game in this set. To get back into a gen II sort of mindset, I have been playing through Crystal over the last week on an emulator I own on my computer (mostly because I haven't really played Crystal much in the past, and it's fairly different to Gold/Silver) and I've been having a blast. I'll admit, they aren't really the most difficult games in the world (I've already got all 16 badges and beaten the league...) but it's fun as anything. My current team is as follows:

'This Fire' the Typhlosion
Level: 51
Moves:

Strength

Swift

Flame Wheel
Earthquake

'Innocence' the Dragonair

Level: 51

Moves:

Iron Tail
Dragonbreath
Thunder Wave
Surf

'Helicopter' the Magneton

Level: 51

Moves:

Thunder Wave
Thundershock
Tri Attack
Flash

'Angel' the Espeon

Level: 51

Moves:

Psychic
Cut
Bite
Shadow Ball

'Hunter' the Noctowl

Level: 51

Moves:

Dream Eater
Hypnosis
Fly
Confusion

'Waterfall' the Gyarados

Level: 51

Moves:

Waterfall
Hydro Pump
Icy Wind
Whirlpool

As you can see, I have a pretty awesome team. You may have also noticed that they are all named after songs; these are by the bands/artists Franz Ferdinand, Björk, Bloc Party, Massive Attack, Björk and The Stone Roses respectively. Anyways, enough about Pokémon. Deary me I am such a NERD.

I am still in the same romantic mood as yesterday; I can't seem to get away from it. Seeing as this is kinda Valentine's week I was thinking I might put up a romantic song or something each day of this week. You all got Muse's brilliant (well I think so) cover of the classic 'Can't Take My Eyes Off You' yesterday, today you can all have something a bit more old school. Now that I come to think of it, this song isn't really one you'd think of when coming up with a romantic playlist but it's fantastic anyway. So without further ado, here is the Jimi Hendrix classic, 'Bold as Love':

Can't Take My Eyes Off You

2010-02-07T19:17:00.002Z

I am feelin' WELL romantic. Can't you tell?

You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you
You'd be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much
At long last love has arrived and I thank God I'm alive
You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you

Pardon the way that I stare, there's nothing else to compare
The sight of you leaves me weak, there are no words left to speak
But if you feel like I feel, please let me know that it's real
You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you

I love you baby and if it's quite alright
I need you baby to warm the lonely night
I love you baby, trust in me when I say
Oh pretty baby, don't bring me down I pray
Oh pretty baby, now that I've found you stay
Let me love you baby, let me love you

You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you
You'd be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much
At long last love has arrived and I thank God I'm alive
You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you

I love you baby and if it's quite alright
I need you baby to warm the lonely night
I love you baby, trust in me when I say
Oh pretty baby, don't bring me down I pray
Oh pretty baby, now that I've found you stay
Let me love you baby, let me love you

Heligoland

2010-02-04T18:10:00.000Z

Sorry it took a while for this post to appear, I've been a lazy sod again. I could've reviewed Massive Attack's new one Heligoland days ago, but I guess I'm just too good at procrastinating. On an unrelated musical note, Ash (one of my favourite bands) did a live performance/Q&A session yesterday, streamed for free from their website. I'm not sure why they did it (I just got an email telling me it was going to happen the day before) but I thought it was a great idea and more bands should do stuff like that to show their appreciation for their fans. They played a wicked set too (true, it was only 7 songs, but the guys chose them very well). It included my favourite Ash song, 'A Life Less Ordinary' (recorded specifically for the film of the same name). Ash have been releasing a lot of new material lately via their A-Z Series, a series of 26 singles released over an entire year, one single every two weeks. Anyway I've been properly getting back into them lately so in recognition of this (also, so it doesn't look like I'm completely Damon Albarn's bitch... I am anyway) I have changed the song at the top of the page to 'A Life Less Ordinary' and the subheading to said song's title. It's pretty appropriate seeing as the theme for my life recently seems very much to be love and it's a dead romantic song (well I think so anyway). Anyway, onto the review!

Massive Attack - Heligoland
I'll admit, I was really looking forward to this when I first found out about it. Massive Attack were pretty much dead as far as I was concerned; they hadn't really done much since 2003's 100th Window and that one basically passed me by as well. So to find out that they were actually going to release a whole new album for so long was pretty damn exciting. I don't really know what I expected from Heligoland, but I suppose I was excited to see if their sound had drifted off in a completely different and new direction.

To be honest, I was a bit let down when I first heard it. For the most part, Heligoland sounds like standard Massive Attack only a bit tedious and well... boring. There are a few moments on the album where they do really well (most notably 'Paradise Circus', 'Babel' and the previously released 'Splitting the Atom') but even these moments of brilliance don't sound very much different to stuff they were churning out over ten years ago. You'd think by now they'd be able to evolve their sound a bit. The bad songs aren't that terrible, they're just usually ruined by one or two elements. For example, 'Rush Minute' would be a good song if Del Naja's vocals weren't so shit; he just drones on in the same monotone for the whole song. In contrast, the main reason why 'Paradise Circus' is the album's high point is because of Hope Sandoval's beautiful voice (and a brilliant vocal melody).

For the most part Heligoland is a pretty dark album (even for them) with the exception of maybe 'Babel', a track possessing one of the most upbeat and jumpy beats they've ever created. The song still retains a fairly dark atmosphere, but you get so caught up in that swirly beat that it's not very noticeable. 'Pray For Rain', the opening track, is probably the darkest piece of music on here and isn't really the most obvious choice for an opener, but it works. The only problem with it really is it drags on a bit too long. Unfortunately Heligoland is niggled by loads of little problems like this all over the place and while it is a good album, it could have been a lot better.

Rating: 6/10
Released: 8th February 2010

Things are lookin' up

2010-02-01T19:17:00.001Z

Yes, it's true. Exams are finally over (for another few months) and seeing Sia/Gabe/Kayleigh at the weekend made me happy. It's also half term soon (hurrah for another week off college!) and Valentine's draws ever nearer. For once that doesn't feel like a bad thing though. My plan is developing (makes me sound like some kind of evil mastermind/freak, although it's not really that complex) nicely and it'll be nice to break my habit of never doing anything on Valentine's. I was thinking about the fact that I've never gotten a proper valentine as well, and how happy I would be to receive one. With this in mind hopefully I'll at least be able to make someone pretty happy (and wasn't that the original point of Valentine's day anyway?) although I refuse to reveal who. I'm actually strangely optimistic about the whole thing. Normally the massive pessimistic side of my mind would be warning me not to get too excited, but I just somehow feel like it's all going to turn out okay. I hope I'm right.

So yeah, I feel really happy about everything for once. It actually makes me quite nervous, my natural pessimistic side is just waiting for something awful to happen (nothing ever seems to go this well for me, so it's logical for me to think something terrible will happen soon) and my mind is agitated trying to make sure I make no mistakes. Still, it's nice to be positive for once. Oh and the new Massive Attack album leaked over the weekend. On the first few listens I can happily report that it's looking pretty good so far. Full review coming VERY SOON.

It's also my Dad's birthday today. I know, it was only Mum's birthday the other day (they're only 10 days apart!) so it was quite stressful having to get something together for both of them in such a short period of time. I actually asked my Dad yesterday whether he deliberately got with Mum just because their birthdays were so near, he replied "Yeah, we organised it in the womb." He also went on to tell me that that's a very important factor to consider when choosing a partner. Yeah it is, depending on how much I want to annoy my future children. Thanks for that Dad, I'll be sure not to forget that one. Happy birthday as well, by the way.

It's a helping hand that makes you feel wonderfully bland

2010-01-29T18:20:00.000Z

I'm seeing my awesome friend Sophia in a just over an hour! This is very exciting because she lives all the way in Colchester, so I naturally don't get to see her very often at ALL. I think she's the only person I've ever met (apart from maybe Josh Taylor) who likes Blur more than me (hence the blog title - if you didn't recognise it go and listen to some more Blur, fool!). This is quite the coincidence, as Blur's formative years were mostly spent in Colchester. We're going for a meal with Kayleigh and Gabe (Gabeleigh? Or possibly Gayleigh?) which presents a problem for me, as I don't really possess any particularly smart clothes. I am always the most underdressed for everything and its been getting to me recently (I didn't really care before then, it's quite odd). Still, Kayleigh said Gabe is only coming in a hoody and jeans. I hope she wasn't lying, because that's what I'm planning on doing too.

It's Valentine's day soon, AKA the worst day of the year. I have always been single on Valentine's day for the whole seventeen of them I have lived through. It always makes me so bloody miserable, especially all the ridiculously lovey dovey couples. They're the worst. I don't think I've ever even received a proper valentine either. I always used to tell myself that that year's Valentine's would be different, that that year would be the year. This year though I know it's bound to be shit so I can't even be bothered to try being optimistic. I do actually have something up my sleeve for this Valentine's, but I have no idea how it'll work out yet. It'll probably never happen and stay as this stupid little dream in my head, like most things involving love.

Next music review should be up soon, once I decide what I'm actually going to review. It won't be as long as the last one, that one took forever (well, three days). I couldn't help it though really, I just have so much to say about it (a lot of which didn't even make it into the final review) and I really do love it. This is Harry, signing off.

Demon Days

2010-01-26T00:38:00.001Z

What's that? Another music review you say? By Harry Atkinson?! Surely not! But, ladies and gents, I am afraid that this is indeed the case. I have been getting back into everything Gorillaz again in anticipation of their third album, due out in March (remember I was going on about the single the other day?). All sorts of tasty little bits and pieces of bonus content have been appearing over on the official website, including the first of a series of 'pirate radio' broadcasts set up and run by Murdoc himself. I think a little bit of his insanity has rubbed off on me a bit and I suspect it's probably coming through in the writing, but oh well. I know Murdoc's character is a psychotic fucking weirdo, but I can't help but love him a bit. The same with the others, they're just such brilliant characters. I can't help thinking that what Messrs Albarn and Hewlett created all those years ago has evolved into a twisted work of genius. It's weird how much difference age can make on a person's opinions. I first got into Gorillaz when I was maybe about 13 (although I'd heard of them much earlier, way back when Clint Eastwood came out) and I liked them quite a bit, although I wasn't particularly crazy about them or anything. They were just another pretty decent band, and the fact that they were cartoons gave them a bit of extra appeal. Now though at almost 18 years of age (I am naturally very excited although it's odd to think I'm that old) I think they're absolutely fucking brilliant. This has of course only occurred to me recently because of the excitement over the new stuff, however if I had chanced to look into them a bit more thoroughly at any point last year I reckon it would have had much the same effect. I only decided to have a good proper listen to them because I was excited about the new album, this was a fortunate decision on my part as otherwise I might not have realised just how much I love them. You get me?

Anyway, time for the review.

Gorillaz - Demon Days
I'm just going to go straight ahead and say that this is one of my favourite albums ever. I really do love it a lot and that actually makes it a bit of a challenge to review. I suppose it is easier to point out an object's flaws than it's perfections. Or maybe I just know that this review is bound to be biased. Because of this, I'd like to apologize in advance if you listen to this after reading my review expecting it to be the best thing ever, then realising it's not actually as good as I make it out to be. To be honest I don't really care if you disagree with it anyway, these are my reviews based on my opinions. If you don't like them maybe you shouldn't read them (no one reads my blog anyway so this shouldn't be much of a problem).

Demon Days begins with an eerie instrumental intro that sounds like a doomed voyage into hell itself, with lots of strange noises accompanying a haunting string melody that draws you in; it is at this point that you realise there is no turning back and you're in for one hell of a journey. As soon as it hits, the intro withdraws into the start of Last Living Souls, whose catchy beat makes for a more optimistic start to the album, although the lyrical themes are still dark. Towards the beginning it is quite a quiet and simple track, with little more than the beat, vocals and a simple piano melody. This builds however and by the end it has become something different entirely, a theme which continues into the even more brilliant Kids With Guns. This starts with a lazy bass line and while catchy, doesn't seem like anything too special. By the end it has evolved into a cacophony of screeching guitars and crashing symbals, along with a particularly effective vocal line by a gospel choir that sounds more like a horde of musical banshees. O Green World is next and is one of the stranger tracks on the album. The intro consists of a weird collection of samples thrown together into a beat which shouldn't work, but it really does. This then morphs into a guitar sequence and vocal line that would be at home on the first Gorillaz album, but strings and the aforementioned samples come into play again later on and you're reminded that this band has evolved on a large scale.

The album really comes into its own during Dirty Harry, the title of which is yet another reference to Clint Eastwood. Quite possibly the most catchy keyboard line I have ever heard leads into a chorus of children singing along to the words of the song. This sounds like it shouldn't really work, but the end result is epic and the rap that comes in about halfway through is better still. Albarn seems to have a real talent for picking awesome people to collaborate with and this really shows here. Dirty Harry segues into Feel Good Inc., which, for lack of a better way of putting it, is one of the best songs I have ever heard. The slick bass combined with the incredibly melancholic vocals already make this a pretty evocative track. You'll feel really nostalgic when listening to this (and not in a bad way either). When the acoustic guitar comes in for the chorus the effect is spectacular. It's a very simple chord sequence but it has been so well done that when it comes in it just sounds beautiful. It is hard to describe precisely how this track makes me feel, so you'll have to listen for yourself. El Mañana is next, which somehow manages to evoke even more emotions than the previous one. The chords combined with the meaningful lyrics and amazing strings make this song a very powerful one indeed. It's the kind of song that might make you question love, it's that effective.

The album gets a bit more experimental from here on in, with next track Every Planet We Reach Is Dead being a bit reminiscent of Kids With Guns in that it builds into a spectacular wall of noise at the end complete with even more strings and a synth solo. This track continues the theme of doom running through the album, particularly in the line 'I love the girl, but God only knows its/getting hard to see the sun coming through/I love you/What are we going to do?' which I really like. November Has Come and All Alone follow, with the former continuing the theme of hopelessness from the previous track with a pretty chilling soundscape and atmosphere. It would sound at home on their first album, just for its simplicity and dirty sound. All Alone is mostly rapped, but it contains a considerable glow of optimism unseen so far in the bridge towards the end. This comes in the form of a female singer (I don't know who it is) singing along (in an amazing voice, might I add) to a brilliant set of guitar chords that just seem to materialize out of nowhere. This is definitely the most 'Gorillaz' sounding track on here, but that's no bad thing and the overall sound varies so much from track to track that it wouldn't matter anyway. Case in point: take the next track, the frantic White Light. This opens up with plenty of distortion and a very simple but heavy beat (along with almost screamed lyrics). This has the effect of sounding a bit like a grimier Song 2 (classic Blur garage-rock hit) minus the "WOOHOO"s. All of a sudden this metamorphoses into another heavenly bit of choral ahhs and a lovely bit of acoustic guitar. What the fuck they were thinking of when they wrote this? I have no idea, but it somehow manages to work. White Light manages to simultaneously be the weirdest track on the album but also one of the most fun.

The final four tracks are some of my favourites and manage to wrap up the album with considerable flair and spectacle. First comes Dare, a track so catchy you will have it in your head for months after listening to it. It's not annoyingly catchy either, the hook is so good I do wonder a bit how they have managed to produce an album oozing this much with perfection. Noodle's (the little quirky one) vocals on this track sound delightfully innocent and uplifting in contrast to Shaun Ryder's infectious refrain. One of the happiest and best moments on the album (although that's not to say the melancholic ones aren't as good). This leads me quite nicely into Fire Coming Out of the Monkey's Head, a track that is more of a story than a song, with the verses narrated rather than sung. It is a story about a mountain called 'Monkey' and those known as 'happy folk' who inhabit the land around it. I won't tell the whole thing, but 'strange folk' invade and take everything that isn't pinned down. The lyrics are positively haunting, while at the same time managing to tell a fable about recent affairs (the Iraq war etc.) and it really is an incredibly powerful track. Don't Get Lost in Heaven follows and while it certainly has a heavenly atmosphere (you will literally imagine bright white clouds as soon as this one starts) the lyrical themes are a clever parody of what heaven could be interpreted as. Listen carefully and you'll see what I mean. What makes it more effective is the fact that the lyrics are deliberately sung at the top of Damon's (2-D's) range, so they not only sound like they should be innocent (keeping with the rest of the song) but they're also often hard to determine. Don't Get Lost in Heaven segues nicely into the title track, also the album closer. Demon Days is my favourite Gorillaz song and I see it on an almost entirely different level to the rest of the songs here. Firstly, the opening lyrics (sung by Damon/2-D again) are at the top of his range and are even more difficult to determine. This doesn't actually detract from the quality of the song though, as it makes them seem more angelic (which is the word I would use to describe the final two tracks) and when you find out what he's saying you realise it is actually fairly depressing, almost as if he has given up all hope. This is balanced brilliantly by the string melody, which is one of the most uplifting things I have ever heard, and the angelic, ethereal feel to the song. Damon's vocals cut out not that far in and as soon as that happens the song gets a bit quieter and a very simple guitar riff starts playing. This riff signals the beginning of the end of the album for me, as it sounds like a brilliantly satisfying closing melody. The song also gets a bit happier at this point, but the lyrics that are sung next (by a gospel choir) are pretty despairing of humanity in general, I think. These lyrics are repeated over and over, speaking of things like not being able to trust the air we breathe, 'cause Mother Earth wants us all to leave. Surely a reference to our shortcomings as a species? This goes on to talk about how we 'numb ourselves with drugs and TV' which is pretty much dead on the truth, I think. Demon Days doesn't just contain beautiful instrumentation, it is also a very observant song.

It all ends with a final glimmer of hope though. The final two lines of Demon Days go 'you pick yourself up it's a brand new day/so turn yourself round, don't burn yourself turn yourself, turn yourself around into the sun' which provide a little bit of optimism that maybe tomorrow will be better than today after all. The final three words are repeated over and over until the song fades out, and you're left with a slightly deeper understanding of yourself and your place in the world. Demon Days is a beautiful album; a journey into hell and back but it's the kind of hell you wouldn't mind visiting just for the experience. It's one incredible journey too and you'll come out the other side all the more better for it. A truly enlightening experience, I still discover little audio delights I didn't notice before every time I put it on. You'd be daft to miss it.

Rating: 10/10
Released: 23rd May 2005

Happy Birthday Iddy! (and my mother...)

2010-01-22T17:38:00.000Z

I've been reading Frankie Boyle's autobiography (awesome Christmas present) and I'm nearly at the end already despite only starting a few days ago; suffice to say it's a pretty easy read. He's a very cynical man, although I think he's also one of the funniest men on the planet right now. I think reading it has made me even more sarcastic/cynical than before (and I already was quite a lot). That's not really a bad thing, I mean people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of humour but I disagree. I think that sarcasm is probably the highest form of humour, after all it's the only kind of humour that idiots can't understand. For example, yesterday some annoying little fuckers were trying really hard to look cool over the medium of the internet (what) by acting all tough and trying to intimidate me (again, what). They're already not doing any favours for themselves, for acting tough on the internet is like trying to insult someone in a language they don't understand. Stupid and pointless. In fact it's probably even worse than that. Anyway, I disagreed with this guy on something to do with a Muse song (can't be arsed to go into details) and he saw that as an excuse to rip into me, (well he tried his damn best, bless him) making out I was some kind of posh cunt just because I used a couple of words he couldn't understand. Just because I speak in good English doesn't make me posh, just means I'm not a retard. He probably doesn't even know what the word vocabulary means. Then his girlfriend (who seemed like even more of a retard) decided to join in and I said something to her (I can't even remember what it was, but I'm pretty sure it was nothing offensive) and this guy goes completely fucking insane and protective over her. At least I know a surefire way of trolling this guy if he ever bothers me again. I just need to talk to his girlfriend (I may only have to mention her in conversation) and he starts shitting bricks all over the place. Anyway, I played along pretending to be really hurt over all this crap they were spouting, although anyone who wasn't a moron would have been able to tell I was being heavily sarcastic. The sarcasm was meant to piss them off more, but I clearly underestimated just how stupid they are and they didn't realise. It actually turned out funnier that way anyway, so everyone's a winner (except them). Even after I had gone they kept laughing at their own shitty jokes, convinced they were in the right. They are two years younger than me though, so I guess I should expect higher levels of stupid. Despite this, I was a lot more grown up than them at their age. It's rather worrying what that says about our generation.

Anyway, rant over. It's Iddy's birthday today (remember her? She's the one with the awesome music blog) and this means that I have now known her for well over a year (I can still remember her last birthday well and back then I'd already known her for quite a while) which is pretty weird seeing as I've never actually met her (she lives all the way in Wales). Despite this, I feel as if we know each other really well and I can really trust her. She's a very good friend of mine and it just goes to show how much of a bond you can form with someone if you just keep talking to them every day and stay in contact. Anyway, here's a little something...

Penblwydd hapus i ti,
Penblwydd hapus i ti,
Penblwydd hapus i Ilid,
Penblwydd hapus i ti!

Thank you Iddy, for being nothing but a caring and supportive friend throughout the entire time we have known each other. I was introduced to you when you were just a young'un (well, 16...) but you've matured into a right decent young woman. I am grateful to know you, and feel privileged to be your friend. Cheers!

It is also my mother's birthday (but that's obviously not as important...) so a happy birthday to her too! I can't even remember how old she is now, but she wouldn't want me to share on here anyway so it's probably for the best. Still no new music review yet, this post ended up being a lot longer than it was originally going to be (otherwise I would have done one). I promise there will be a new one very soon though! See y'all then.

Sorry for the lack of activity (yet again...)

2010-01-21T00:58:00.001Z

I really am sorry (can't you tell?!) for giving this thing next to shit all attention, but I really can't be arsed a lot of the time. Maybe I just need to be inspired more often. Christ, I'm a whiny little fucker. I only ask that something inspires me to write every day, is that too much to ask...? Daily miracles, that'd be good.

This post is already going off on a tangent (my mind feels a bit crazy currently, maybe it's because midnight is now far gone but I don't know) to what I originally wanted to write about, that is my next music review. Actually that wasn't even a tangent from the original subject, it was just a completely random introductory paragraph. I don't know what's going on, I would be most grateful if someone could tell me what this mood/state of mind would be called (I can't think of what it is right now). Maybe I'll do a White Stripes album next (or maybe even a few), no matter what mood I'm in there always seems to be a song of theirs to match it. I suppose for this mood it'd probably be either I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself (I don't), Little Room (just because of the slight touch of insanity inherent in that song, also I am on my own in a little room), or St. Andrew (This Battle is in the Air) (simply because that song is also made up of lots of random shit). Just to give you a little bit of insight into my mind, here are all three songs in an easily accessible format (i.e. youtube flash player). You'll probably all know the first one anyway:

I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself -

Little Room -

St. Andrew (This Battle is in the Air) -

In other news, the first proper song from the new Gorillaz album (which I am very excited about) was leaked today. Well, it was yesterday really but this early in the morning still feels like Wednesday to me. It is the first single too, named Stylo. I really really like it already, but it doesn't really strike me as an obvious lead single. It is certainly far flung from the hip hop/poppiness (hip pop?) of last album Demon Days, but I'll let you make up your own mind. Here it is, in all its glory (aren't I just so generous?):

Stylo - Gorillaz -

In more other news (although obviously not as exciting as the new Gorillaz tune) I ordered Sia a belated birthday present today from the great and wondrous internet. I shouldn't put it here because she'll just see what it is and it'll ruin the surprise. So you'll just all have to find out when she does, sorry (although I know you really don't care). I'm hoping it'll arrive in time for her visit to Brighton next week, if it doesn't I will be most annoyed. I've given it about 9 days to get here though so it should be OK. I also bought myself a deadmau5 shirt which I am pretty pleased with. It looks like this
(see picture on the left) and was totally worth the ridiculous £18 (20 including P&P) I paid for it!

Sadly I am still struggling with exams, it seems like we are already about halfway through exam season (at least) and yet I somehow still have 3 left. I'm also STILL ill (I have no idea how) and I suspect I won't get properly better until spring. I have almost forgotten what it feels like to be well. Fuck winter.

The Pains of Being Pure at Heart

2010-01-17T01:51:00.002Z

Seeing as I don't seem to use this much anymore (I never seem to have anything decent to write about these days... my life appears to be in a slump) I've decided to use it as a platform for writing music reviews. This is inspired quite a lot by my good friend Iddy starting up one of these recently for that purpose alone. That blog can be found here and it is really rather good (her taste is quite a brilliant one indeed). She is intending to review every release worth writing about in 2010, as it comes out. I'm not that ambitious, so I'm just going to review stuff I want to review, when I want to review it (no matter when it came out). I will end up reviewing some of the new stuff for this year, but also expect a lot of reviews of old albums (I'm more of an old music person anyway). I'll start with one that I missed on my 'music of 2009' blog post. I only heard it for the first time a week or so ago, but if I'd paid attention when it came out I reckon it'd be on my favourite album list for 2009. It is the debut by New Yorkers The Pains of Being Pure at Heart.

The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - The Pains of Being Pure at Heart
When I first put this on merely days ago, the immediate warmth of opener Contender reminded me of something I couldn't quite place. I'm not sure what it was exactly, but the implacable memory it evoked was strong on an emotional level. This feeling continues throughout all the songs on the album, the echoey drums and clangy guitars reminding the listener of a better time. It's a difficult feeling to put into words, the unrestrained glee and innocence emanating from the songs almost taking the listener back to childhood. It sounds a bit silly, but listening to this album kind of makes me feel safe and above all, gloriously happy. If Merriweather Post Pavilion is a happy album (the Animal Collective one I wrote about a while ago) then The Pains of Being Pure at Heart is euphoric. Not the stupid kind of euphoria used to describe night clubs, either. The floating above the clouds kind of euphoria is the one on offer here.

Maybe the opening guitar sequence of Contender simply reminded me of when I last felt a bit like that; when I was a kid. Or maybe it just reminded me of the post-punk days of the 80s. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart don't sound like a modern band, with their slightly punkish songs and romantic lyrics (coupled with a dreamy production) you'd be forgiven for thinking that they are from that time. I struggled at first to think what other band I could compare them to (my music knowledge from that era still has massive gaps, I'm afraid) but I've now read that they're been compared with Joy Division which I can't say I disagree with, only they're a much much happier version.

Despite the simplicity and dreaminess of their songs, there are some very good tunes here. Songs like Come Saturday and Young Adult Friction show that they are a band with considerable talent and may well become pretty popular in the future. They deserve to be, that much is for sure.

Rating: 8/10
Released: 3rd February 2009

D:

2010-01-11T22:50:00.000Z

It seems like it's been ages since I last updated this, even though it's only been less than two weeks. Still, I used to update this thing daily, so it is a while I suppose. Since then and now a few things of note have happened:

It snowed even MOAR. This is what the UK looked like last week:

Seriously.

After realising how boring life becomes when you are forced to stay in most of the time, I promptly wished the snow would go away.
I went to see the film It Might Get Loud, which is about Jack White, The Edge and Jimmy Page's experiences with the guitar and the way the instrument has evolved and changed the music scene generally. It's good, but I only really recommend it if you're into guitars. The banter between the three 'legends' is pretty entertaining as well.
I got ill again. Winter man flu version 2.0.
Exam season finally started and as such everyone is now either running around panicking or complaining their arses off about it all. Suffice to say I'll be glad once it's all over.
I got very much into The White Stripes (pretty much thanks to the aforementioned film) going to the extent of downloading all their albums (I know, it is free but I am very lazy) and learning a few of the songs. They are now one of my favourite bands.
I wrote something musical for the first time in quite a few months, entitled 'Winter Blues' after all the crap that seems to have infected this winter a bit. I've never really liked winter that much anyway. It's heavily influenced by The White Stripes and it's not quite finished yet (but I've written quite a bit).
There was something else, but I'm not of the nature to disclose it here.

That's all for now, folks. Can't be arsed with any more, I feel too ill. I can't wait for this month to be over.

2009: The Year in Music

2010-01-01T23:59:00.001Z

2009 was quite frankly a brilliant year for music, a treasure trove in comparison to 2008. Let's look back on some of the fantastic sounds released this year...

TOP 10 ALBUMS OF 2009
The majority of these will probably be fairly obvious, but I'm hoping my music taste will turn out to be quite interesting after all.

1. The xx - xx
Every year many groups and artists realise their dreams and get a shot at a debut album, but it's a much more rare event when one of those debuts ends up surprising everyone and becomes one of the defining albums of the year. This is what happened to The xx, a former four-piece (they've since lost a member) from London, this year. Their debut (released August 2009) had a quiet release but gradually invaded our collective consciousness (both the critics and the public alike) until all of a sudden people were hyping them as 'the next big thing'. This was helped by huge radio play of their singles Crystalised and Islands, and by the end of the year The xx were one of the biggest success stories of 2009. Unfortunately sudden success took its toll and the constant touring (as well as a few other differences, I suspect) caused one of their number to leave. With a debut album this good though, it's difficult to see that slowing them down at all. The album itself is a brilliant collection of sometimes upbeat and sometimes harrowing songs about growing up, set to very minimal soundscapes and warm vocals. They seem to be able to describe perfectly all the emotion and elation associated with growing up in song, and it's this quality that makes them so likeable.
Favourite tracks: Islands, Crystalised, Heart Skipped a Beat

2. Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion
Animal Collective are a band who have been going for a long time, though I only found out about them this year with this, their eighth album. Merriweather Post Pavilion has been their most successful album (in the mainstream) so far, before this they seem to have been somewhat of a cult band (over here, anyway) and so this is my reason for only just hearing about them. It is a fantastic album, taking the listener on a wondrous journey through lush soundscapes and echoed vocals, complete with rolling drumbeats that lift the listener up into the clouds and beyond... It may take you a while to get into it though, as it sounds like nothing I have ever heard before. It took me a while anyway, I'm not really used to such mindblowing music. It starts with the dreamy In the Flowers and keeps the dreamy, happy mood right up until the final track, the climactic (but no less uplifting) Brother Sport. Although technically the music is quite complex, there's nothing deep to understand here; it's just very very happy music.
Favourite tracks: Brother Sport, My Girls, Lion in a Coma

3. Björk - Voltaïc
Okay, I accept this isn't really in the same league as the others but it's so damn good I wanted to include it anyway. Voltaïc is a box set comprised of 2 CDs (one live disc and one disc of remixes) and 2 DVDs (one live disc and one disc of music videos) containing material from her Volta campaign (Volta was her last proper studio album). It's not really an album like the others on this list by it's very nature, but this is so good any Björk fan (and most open minded people) would be stupid to miss it. Her songs come to life a lot more when she performs them live and this is worth the expensive price (unless you can find it cheap somewhere) for the live material alone. It is difficult to describe the brilliance of Björk in words, so I will simply urge you to buy it (or at least have a look). You won't be disappointed.
Favourite tracks: It's all good here, though the live performances of Earth Intruders, Hyperballad and Declare Independence are particularly brilliant. The remixes are all top-notch too.

4. Fever Ray - Fever Ray
Fever Ray (I can't remember her real name, her stage name is awesome anyway) is one half of Swedish electropop duo The Knife (they gave us the original version of Heartbeats, or 'that song on the advert with all the colourful bouncing balls'). Fever Ray sounds very different to her parent band, though happily she sounds a lot better too. The sounds present in her songs are still in the same vein as those used in The Knife's songs (lots of weird synthy noises and bouncy drums) but Fever Ray's music is a lot darker. Out of all the albums mentioned here, this is the only one I would describe as being 'scary'; the vocals are so eerie and those weird electro noises I already mentioned are twisted into much more spooky versions of their originals. It is difficult to find flaw in this album, every song moves so well into the next and you get dragged further and further into Fever Ray's dark musings on herself as it progresses. Essential listening for anyone in possession of a soul.
Favourite tracks: If I Had a Heart, When I Grow Up, Concrete Walls

5. Deadmau5 - For Lack of a Better Name
I have never been that much into electronica and I don't think I'll ever be an expert on the genre, but this album (very much an electronica album) made such a buzz on the internet earlier this year that I had to listen to it for myself. What a brilliant discovery that was. Deadmau5 has been going for several years now, but he has only really found mainstream success over the last two, with his first two full studio albums. This, the second, is far more diverse than it's predecessor and takes the listener through a world of slick beats and catchy samples. Every track is mixed seamlessly into the next and as a result the album feels like one complete item rather than a collection of songs. This 'item' manages to constantly keep the listener interested by mixing up the flow with each track change, giving a very danceable experience complete with mellow moments to cool down and savour the masterfully produced sounds within. One of the more danceable moments is the fantastic Ghosts n' Stuff, featuring Rob Swire of Pendulum on very auto-tuned vocals. It's an epic track, complete with apocalyptic organs and a heavy synth bass line. Even the auto-tuned vocals work. This epicness does not go away, instead sticking around for more or less the entire album. For Lack of a Better Name is an electronic masterpiece.
Favourite tracks: Moar Ghosts n' Stuff/Ghosts n' Stuff, Hi Friend!, FML

6. Muse - The Resistance
So here it is, the one album I was anticipating much more than anything else musically oriented this year. It is a testament then, to how much good music was released in 2009 when 5 other albums have beaten it. I was honestly expecting The Resistance to blow everything else away, for it all to pale in comparison to this, Muse's fifth and most challenging album to date. When I saw them live in November I was completely blown away, on the stage they not only lived up to my expectations, they soared right over them. The tracks fall a bit short on the album though. Don't get me wrong, there are a few absolutely amazing songs here (probably some of the best of their career) but the consistency is all over the place. Take the closing three part (Muse don't seem to understand the word 'boundaries') Exogenesis, for example. The first two parts (Overture and Cross-Pollination) are fantastically apocalyptic pieces, especially the former, with its never-ending spiral of strings and falsetto of doom. The final part (and last track on the album, named Redemption) is rather tame in comparison and to make things worse, very repetitive. The whole album is plagued by issues like this one but if you can overlook its flaws, The Resistance is a very enjoyable experience. I was just expecting something a bit more ridiculous.
Favourite tracks: United States of Eurasia, Uprising, MK Ultra

7. Green Day - 21st Century Breakdown
This album (and it seems, everything Green Day has done since they released Dookie) was the subject of a lot of mixed feedback when it was released way back in May. I've always kind of liked Green Day though, so I thought I may as well give it a chance. Even after the first listen, this album draws you in and you become addicted, having to listen to all three of the 'acts' all over again. One of the things that surprised me most about this album was its level of ambition. It is very long (by anyone's standards), clocking in at around 70 minutes, but when you listen to it all the way through it doesn't feel that long. When they released American Idiot over five years ago, critics said they couldn't make an album more ambitious. With this one though they've smashed that statement through, rocketing upwards to write an album of stratospheric proportions. The album is a sequel of sorts to American Idiot, telling a story of a young couple caught up in the events post-American Idiot. The story flows through three distinct acts and while there are moments of awe-inspiring brilliance (such as penultimate track American Eulogy, which releases all the tension surrounding 21st century America in a chaotic 4 minutes) the album is ultimately let down by the same thing as The Resistance, its lack of consistency.
Favourite tracks: American Eulogy, 21st Century Breakdown, ¡Viva La Gloria!

8. Maxïmo Park - Quicken the Heart
This third album from Maxïmo is on a somewhat different trajectory to the first two, in a way they seem to have grown up a bit. This means that they've traded their trademark bonkers 3 minute guitar/keyboard songs for a sound that is altogether more intelligent. The only song on this album that is strongly reminiscent of the first two is the opener - Wraithlike, a song which ironically focuses on criticising the band's past. The opening line itself 'Here's a song that finally you can understand' is clearly cynical regarding frontman Paul Smith's random and often chaotic lyrics. Just because they've grown up doesn't mean they've becoming boring though. I really really like this album, and it sees them as sharp and witty as ever. It's just a bit different to what you might expect.
Favourite tracks: The Kids Are Sick Again, Wraithlike, I Haven't Seen Her in Ages

9. Franz Ferdinand - Tonight
This was one of the first albums of 2009 I listened to and it definitely set the scene for the rest of the year. Tonight is a brilliant journey through what would be commonly called the 'perfect night out'. It starts with Ulysses, a track very aptly named (Ulysses was an adventurer in Greek mythology) as it sets up the night ahead, with a frantic build up of tense energy from a very quiet beginning. All the while Alex sings about his desire to go out and 'get high' before exploding into a frenetic chorus. The album keeps going at its own unrelenting pace as the 'night out' gets more and more intense; by the time Lucid Dreams comes around you're spinning in a pool of cocktails and acid trips. You just about have enough time to regain your senses for the surreal Dream Again (sounds like even more acid) and the somewhat calmer Katherine Kiss Me (a song which quite accurately describes the 'morning after'). Tonight is good because of the way it progresses so well, it's also a lot of fun.
Favourite tracks: Lucid Dreams, Ulysses, Send Him Away

10. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It's Blitz!
This is another album in which the band making it have gone off in a completely different direction to what you would expect. It's Blitz! still sounds unmistakably like Yeah Yeah Yeahs, but there are a lot of differences between this album and its two predecessors. For one thing, Nick Zinner has traded in his guitars for keyboards and synths on most of the tracks. This isn't necessarily a bad thing though. A lot of the tracks sound just as energetic as they always have been, although in a few of the tracks it does seem like there is something lacking. A bit like an empty space where Nick's guitars used to be, an empty space which cannot be filled by anything else. That said though this album contains some of the best songs of their career and overall it is a good album, just not as good as the previous two.
Favourite tracks: Zero, Hysteric, Skeletons

TOP TEN SONGS OF 2009
This list was somewhat easier to do than the album one, it also comes with SOUND!

1. United States of Eurasia - Muse
When I first heard this (it was released for free way before the album) I couldn't stop listening to it and with the Collateral Damage outro (a nice bit of Chopin) it becomes simply a flawless piece of music to listen to. That's what I think, anyway.

2. Moar Ghosts n' Stuff/Ghosts n' Stuff - Deadmau5
Okay, so this is actually two songs... but on the album they're mixed so that one leads straight into the other and they are both very similar. Unfortunately I couldn't find a single mixed track on youtube so you'll have to cope with two separate ones.

3. Brother Sport - Animal Collective
The version posted here is live.

4. If I Had a Heart - Fever Ray
This song gives me serious shivers.

5. Islands - The xx

6. The Kids Are Sick Again - Maxïmo Park

7. Crystalised - The xx

8. My Girls - Animal Collective

9. Uprising - Muse
Live version.

10. Lucid Dreams - Franz Ferdinand

That's all for 2009 folks! I know this one ran on a bit late (oops...) but nevermind, eh? Roll on 2010!

2009: The Year in Pictures

2009-12-30T01:50:00.021Z

In which I look back at some of the most memorable moments (for me) of the last year. Well, the ones I have pictures for anyway.

My friends are key to nearly all these photos, whether we're messing around outside, or having a laugh indoors (usually at someone's house).

OUTSIDE

"Look, a Tesco!" "We made it back to civilisation, then?"

This is the first time I wore a chullo. As you can see I am very happy about it.

Mykel and Louis: The best couple I have met for pulling weird faces.

Heather is also good at awesome faces.

HOLYSHIT YOU GUYS THIS COFFEE IS SO FUCKING GOOOOOD

Sometimes we like to get in touch with the great outdoors so much that we even stay there for a while. As a result there exist a lot of camping photos from the last year, of which a few are shown here:

The witch coven and I.

"CHEAT!"

Making s'mores is a precise and fine art.

Later in the year (about a week and a half ago) we had some snow! This made for some even more brilliant pictures:
Simultaneously the strangest and best face I have ever pulled.

Everybody was snowball fighting!

Bravely running away.

"You'll never take me alive!"

"Can we come in now? It's bloody freezing."

We also have a lot of fun making arses of ourselves indoors, especially round people's houses.
INSIDE

"Did someone just take a picture?"

Louis realises a lifelong dream of wanting to sound more attractive to birds.

HAY GUISE

Positively terrifying.

I can't remember what I was laughing at but it was clearly hilarious - maybe Mykel's Halloween costume?

Well that's enough excitement for one day.

A lot of this year was spent at college, so a lot of photos were taken in and around there. The best ones happen when we're desperately trying to find something to do with ourselves.
COLLEGE

Sudoku: A lot harder than it looks.

...You had to be there.

Two hours later and I still haven't finished the sudoku.

When boredom sets in... badly drawn (and sideways) band logos happen.

No matter how stupid they look, they always manage to brighten up my day.

Over the year various amusing happenings also happened in the world of cyberspace. I present to you some of my favourite screenshots (and the like) from 2009:
INTERNETS

The face rape makes her happy.

O RLY? YA RLY.

I don't really have an explanation for this one. You can't really argue with a horny Ponyta though.

What is known technically as a Maths or Algebra penis... yeah. Thanks Sam.

It's amusing how long Wikipedia took to edit this page back to normal. Maybe they liked my improvements too.

Amy struggles under the weight of her GIANT ACOUSTIC GUITAR!

A few pictures were taken with family this year too (I tried as hard as I could but it's impossible to avoid). A couple of them are surprisingly good:

HOLY SHIT THESE CRASH HELMETS ARE SO FUCKING EXCITING

What the crash helmets were used for.

I'll leave you with a few group shots of the people who have made this year: my friends.

Starting a mosh pit at Kayleigh's and Sarah's birthday party was definitely a very good idea - even if me, Chris and Adam were the only ones cool enough to be in it.

Tom's birthday party - an altogether more civilised affair.

Getting a bit over excited...

At the end of the year, we're all together again. A musical blog post will be arriving tomorrow!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-27T21:17:00.000Z

Hope you all had a good one and got everything you wanted. I know I did with the exception of one thing, but I wasn't expecting to get it (if I did I'd be a very lucky boy indeed). I'm not going to go into that further here, it's kind of a secret.

It seems a bit ridiculous that we only have one week left until college starts again, I always forget how quickly the holidays go. I still haven't done any work yet, I'm determined to start tomorrow though and carry on throughout the week (though that probably means I'll think about it tomorrow then delay it until Thursday or something). I'm very bad with procrastination (actually I'm very good at it, but that's the problem...) and to give an example I had this blog window open for about an hour before I actually started writing. Speaking of Thursday, I really do hope something fun happens for new years! Whatever happens, it's bound to be better than what happened to me last year, it seems very strange that a whole year has passed since all that happened... Oh well, I can say it's really far in the past now and move on (though I've been over it for a while now, this feels like proper closure). I'm considering letting people come to my house, as it was such a success at Halloween... is that really a good idea? I'll have to think it through.

Whatever you're all planning, I hope it goes well! I WILL start on the end of year blogs this week, I promise.

The people I know are some of the best people around

2009-12-23T23:58:00.000Z

Quote of the Day - "I built my dreams around you" - The Pogues

16:16 I finally seem to be coming out of this stupid illness (suitably dubbed 'winter man flu') so I am attempting to blog again. It's actually pretty annoying, this year's Christmas holiday would be one of the best I'd ever had if it wasn't for the fact that I've been ill for well over a week... Oh well, this year's holiday has been bloody brilliant already, despite that. The reason for this is my fantastic friends. I have already mentioned that I went with Amy to see Paranormal Activity recently and in that post I focused mostly on the film. However we would have had just as good a time even if we hadn't seen it, simply because she's so brilliant. Last Friday (originally the last day of college, but got canceled thanks to snow lulz) I went out to see all my college friends (well, they were nearly all there) despite the fact that I felt like death, only with more of a runny nose. We had coffee and exchanged secret santa gifts, amongst other little things. I personally enjoyed it a lot because I got to see my little group of college friends again, after not seeing them for a few days thanks to the winter man flu. It's a little bit weird, I didn't think I'd miss their company as much as I did while I was stuck at home endlessly blowing my nose. We just all get on so well, and have such a good group dynamic. Someone even commented that our little meeting in the coffee shop was like an advert for an English version of Friends and I can't say I disagree with that analogy. We then went outside to play in the unbelievably thick and wonderful snow that was literally everywhere. We hardly ever get snow over here and whenever we do it is never this good (I don't think I've ever seen it snow so much in my entire lifetime). Playing in snow is one of the most fun things you can do, I reckon. It was like we were all kids again, just writing this makes me wish I could go back to that afternoon and do it all over again.

21:59 On Saturday Mykel hosted a really fancy dinner (I had to wear a suit and everything!) that I was lucky enough to be invited to. It was like a real life episode of that Channel 4 program Come Dine With Me, only good. We had traditional Caribbean dishes (she's from around there) so I hadn't eaten anything like it before, it was all delicious though. Probably one of the best dinners I have ever had, really. After the meal Hannah and Yaz proceeded to have a laughing fit that went on for a good few hours (it actually started while we were still eating) which was obviously really fun for all those not involved... I was originally going to sleep round (Mykel lives like a bajillion miles away and I didn't fancy walking that far in the ice and the dark) but then Heather and Ness decided to get a taxi, so I went with them despite having no money (yet again, the amazingness of my friends shines through) because I decided I would very much like to sleep in my own bed, what with the feeling pretty ill. I paid them back yesterday, I'm an honest lad me.

On Monday I saw Avatar in 3D! I'd been looking forward to it for ages, but it wasn't quite as good as I'd hoped it would be. This was pretty much all down to the story being ridiculously cheesy and very very clichéd. The CGI and the landscapes were better than I thought possible though. It's easily worth seeing for the visuals alone, even with the off plot you get the feeling you're watching a masterpiece. When I look back I realise that I had stupidly high hopes for it, which I suppose is probably because of the huge hype machine that surrounded it when it was being released. I thought it was a bit silly that James Cameron (and all the other main players in the film) were all acting like the film wasn't a big deal, even going so far as to be trying to calm the hype down. This was silly because they were all clearly loving all the attention it was generating, I'd be surprised if their supposed nonchalance fooled anyone. These people are supposed to be actors as well! (some of them are, anyway). I greatly recommend it though, you'd be missing out on something quite special if you didn't see this while it was still in the cinema. If you can see it in 3D, then even better.

Yesterday was the best day of the holidays yet. Me and my college friends organised a 'Family Christmas Dinner' (brilliant, I know) where the basic idea was to have a traditional family Christmas but without the family part. To be fair though, our group is so tightly-knit now that we are like one big family. I know it sounds a bit silly, but I really do love 'em. It started off just like that traditional English Christmas; drinking in the early afternoon, bad dancing to very old songs, terrible festive costumes (apart from Heather who came as a fantastic Tiny Tim... you all looked stunning though) and more food than 20 people can eat... you get the idea. The dinner itself worked out brilliantly, compliments to the chefs! No one even cared that we were all squashed into Hannah's tiny front room eating off of paper plates... in fact that probably made it all the more better. Of course, the evening did quickly (almost frighteningly so) degenerate into an incredibly messy house party (we can't help it, we're built for this kind of stuff). I mention the mess because it really was one of the messiest houses I had ever seen, there were bits of Christmas crackers everywhere! It was a very long day and a lot of things happened (I was there from 5pm-2am, some people were there even longer) but it sadly all went too fast and before I knew it I was sitting on the floor in Hannah's front room playing strip cheat. Yes I typed that correctly, we played strip cheat. It was going to be strip poker, but no one could remember how to play poker (a fact which I find hilarious). I'll skip all the nasty details and get right to the end, when me and Heather won (because you can't play cheat with two players). I only won because no one ever called me and I have no idea why (maybe I just have a very trustworthy face?) and Heather won because she was sitting next to me and I never called her, instead playing my cards right away before anyone else could. We made a pretty amazing team, to be honest. I never thought I'd feel so awkward while still fully dressed. It was fucking weird. After that the party started to wind down, but I don't think I ever truly stopped singing and/or dancing until I got out of the front door. I could have slept over, but my parents were expecting me back so if I did they'd be all "where the fuck is Harry?!" in the morning, and we couldn't be havin' that now could we? Luckily Heather had to be going back too, she had a 9am coach to catch to Manchester this morning (not so lucky for her, a 6 hour hungover coach journey must be terrible in anyone's books). So we did eventually end up leaving at the early time of 2 in the morning, walking back along the icy roads together right in the middle. There was no traffic and it is bizarrely the only situation I've been in where it's safer to walk right in the middle of the road than on the pavement. We sang a bit of Fairytale of New York (the best Christmas song) with me singing the female part and Heather singing the male part (obviously) which reminded me of how brilliant The Pogues are. I have been listening to them for most of the day and it's taken me back to being a small child again, so thanks Heather. A sweet ending to a fantastic night.

A good time was had by all. In the words of Tiny Tim (Heather to me): God bless us, everyone.

Ill

2009-12-14T18:37:00.000Z

Sorry there hasn't been anything for a week, I haven't been feeling very well (bloody winter...). I will start working on the end of year review posts soon.

11 days to go...

Paranormal Activity

2009-12-07T21:58:00.000Z

(Sunday night): I went to London yesterday (Saturday) to see my friend Amy (it was her birthday recently and she's one of my best friends anyway, so we figured why not) and had a brilliant time. I had to take a bit of a risk as I don't think my parents would have liked the idea of me going off to London on my own to meet someone they don't know, so I had to lie to them. I know that might not seem like a big deal to most people, but my parents really trust me and take stuff like that pretty seriously. It was totally worth it though, I got away with it as well! We walked through Sutton (pretty glamorous, amirite?) and (surprisingly) got tired of it pretty quickly. Amy suggested we go to the cinema, in fact it was the only thing she could think of doing (she planned this day well, as you can see) so we went to have a look at what was on. We went past an odd looking vending machine that vended (I kid you not) some kind of popcorn ice cream. The picture on the machine literally looked like multicoloured blobs of what can only be described as some kind of hybrid snack. They really know how to live down in Sutton.

We simultaneously decided on Paranormal Activity once we had seen the film choice (it was a pretty cool moment, we are pretty cool) and so we bought a couple of tickets. (Monday): The actual film wasn't on for about another 45 minutes though (yet again fantastic planning) so we walked around Sutton again (oh, the joy). The highlight was visiting the pet shop and watching Amy go all gaga over a chinchilla. It was pretty damn cute though (and so was her reaction). Someone should get it for her or something, she'd be ridiculously happy. After a while we trudged back to the cinema (Amy complaining the whole way because it was up a slight incline) and took our seats over to the far right.

Now, I wouldn't really call myself a very big fan of the horror genre (although I have seen a few good horror films) but Paranormal Activity was one of the best films I've ever seen, easily capable of converting even the most horror-averted of people. I won't spoil any of it for any of you readers who are considering seeing it, but it's just done so differently to the 'stereotypical' horror films you seem to see everywhere; it really does defy all the clichés. Okay, well maybe it sticks to one. The whole film is based around the classic 'things that go bump in the night' scenario and though that doesn't sound very original, it has been filmed with so much realism that you almost feel like you're experiencing the film yourself. The film gets progressively scarier as you get more and more into it, as a result the ending is the scariest and best ending to a film I have ever seen (everyone in the cinema jumped a few inches off their seats). Unlike other horror films that rely on gore, violence and vividly disgusting scenes designed to shock the viewer, Paranormal Activity relies on very basic human fears and emotions to create something that is very believable (despite the idea of the paranormal being central to the story). There is hardly any gore or violence explicitly in any of the shots, but I don't think I have ever been more scared than when I was watching it. I urge everyone to go see it, it is a thoroughly enjoyable film and a very unique one too.

Amy also took some pictures of me with her very flashy camera because quite frankly, she knows beauty when she sees it. Her camera has a very long extendable penis I mean lens, she is compensating for her tiny one. The pictures produced from this high quality photoshoot were both amusing and good, she just needs to upload them to facebook now and we can all be happy...

I'm back!

2009-12-05T01:10:00.001Z

10:27 (Friday) Did you miss me?

00:45 (Saturday) Even though my original intent was to post at least once a day (this eventually decreased anyway) I'm glad I took a break from writing. Looking back on my posts from a couple of months ago I can see I was really moody/whiny/annoying and worse of all *shudder* quite a bit emo. I am sorry for that, but there's no point dwelling on the past and I wish to move on to brighter and better things!

A couple of exciting things have happened in the time I was away from here:
1. I saw Muse live on Friday the 13th (a good day to see them, apparently) of November. This is pretty huge for me, they're definitely the band I have waited longest to see and fulling deserving of their 'best live band in the world' title. I am a bit sorry I didn't blog about it right after I saw them, I could've written a corker of a post I reckon. Oh well.
2. I handed in my UCAS form (at long last!) and the offers have been rolling in already! (well, 3 out of 5 so far). To all those who don't get what I'm on about, I am basically on about my university application (or 'college' application to all you Americans). This has obviously got me very excited but also terribly nervous. I had my first interview on Wednesday as well, I was shitting myself quite a bit beforehand but I think it went alright in the end (mostly thanks to some quality advice from my father on the way there - thanks Dad).

I suppose that's about it, November wasn't that eventful really. It never seems to be a very exciting month, I think it might be because it's too damn cold and the fact that Christmas is STILL too far away to look forward to... No more though! Only 20 days to go until Christmas crackers, excessive amounts of 'acceptable' alcohol, the opening (and subsequent disappointment) of really shit presents, embarrassing aunts and far too competitive uncles. Then there's also the really shit TV (including your yearly dosage of Shrek), the one good bit of TV that everyone else ruins (Doctor Who) and the ridiculous Christmas food. I don't think at any other time of year will so much food be consumed, nor will it be combined in such a bizarre way.

Despite what I said in that previous paragraph, I do actually enjoy Christmas and I will be looking forward to it just as much as anyone else. I just can't help thinking what a ridiculous festival (and time of year) it is.

#42

2009-11-02T23:59:00.001Z

I think I'm going to take a break from this for now. Blogging isn't something I particularly feel like doing very much at the moment (I doubt I'll be missed anyway). There's more to come though, you ain't seen the last of me yet!

Halloween was really really good, I think this year was one of my favourite Halloween's yet. I want to thank everyone who came, as without them it would've been absolutely rubbish. I have some awesome friends! I had a great time, even if I was a bit sick...

Busy Busy Busy

2009-10-31T01:31:00.000Z

The last couple of days have been very busy and that is set to continue all the way through to Monday, when I will probably still be busy, only a bit less. So sorry for no writing. Can't wait for tomorrow!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAYLEIGH

Islands

2009-10-28T13:38:00.000Z

The xx - wow! Sure, they made a couple of mistakes towards the start, but they sound so much better live. Definitely one of my favourite bands of this year. I have tentatively decided on zombie Matt Bellamy to dress up as for halloween. I don't know how I'll manage that though...

I don't have to leave anymore
What I have is right here
Spend my nights and days before
Searching the world for what's right here

Underneath and unexplored
Islands and cities I have looked
Here I saw
Something I couldn't overlook

I am yours now
So now I don't ever have to leave
I've been found out
So now I'll never explore

See what I've done
That bridge is on fire
Going back to where I've been
I'm froze by desire
No need to leave

Where would I be
If this were to go under
That's a risk I'd take
I'm froze by desire
As if a choice I'd make

I am yours now
So now I don't ever have to leave
I've been found out
So now I'll never explore

Halloween

2009-10-27T11:15:00.000Z

I am damn excited for it now, my parents are letting me have people round. I still don't know what to be though, I even considered Ash Ketchum this morning. I wish pokémon was real, it'd be awesome! Team Rocket would get incredibly annoying though. My room is in need of a thorough cleaning for Saturday, at the moment it is a couple of crumbs short of disgusting. I expect I'll do that eventually, probably at the last minute...

I'm seeing The xx today!

Story 5

2009-10-27T01:09:00.000Z

It's odd how when I have a lot of things to think about, I write less about them.

On a completely unrelated topic, if you want to experience something similar to a hangover without actually drinking then go to a LAN party! Fucking hell.

Seeing as I don't really know what else to write, have some more recycled creative writing.

Five: Parting

“I’ll come,” I said quietly. She turned around quickly and stuttered “W-what?!” She didn’t seem to believe what she was hearing. “I said I’ll come.” I repeated, slightly louder. With that, a grin slowly spread across her slender face and she said “Well come on then! What you waiting for?” I walked up to her warily. I had never travelled much further than Bournemouth before and I had no idea what was going to happen to the both of us. She took my hand and led me along the sand. When we got to the edge of the cliff blocking the alcove off from the rest of the beach Ella simply turned and flew out over the dark water, hovering an inch or so above it. I had to follow suit or get wet. Naturally I chose the former. We reached the other side of the cliff face and stepped out onto the sand again. It was at this point I remembered Sarah.

I must have forgotten about her, what with Ella and the flying. I turned to look at Ella, wondering what to do, or indeed what to say. My thoughts were still fairly mixed up and I managed to mutter “Err... Wait here. I’ll be right back...” before running off over the sand towards the cliff. When I reached the cliff I looked back to check on her. She was watching me with her big blue eyes, but she didn’t seem to mind my sudden departure. She was standing perfectly still in the spot where I had left her. Oddly enough, it even seemed to me like she was waiting for my return. I turned back to the rocky cliff face before I got too mesmerised by those eyes and was about to start climbing when I remembered. I could fly. I began to feel the air flowing past my hands almost as soon as I had the thought. I was getting really good at this. I started to hover at a comfortable pace straight up next to the rock. It felt different this time though. Somehow flying wasn’t as exciting without Ella by my side.

I got to the top of the cliff and looked back again, expecting Ella to have at least moved. But she looked the same as before, seemingly fixed in position. I shook my head and turned back to the cliff top path in front of me. Beyond where it ended, lights from houses twinkled gently in the distance. They seemed to be a long way away. With this in mind, I started off down the bumpy path at a quick pace. After about 10 minutes I reached the end of the path and turned onto the main road, leading into the outskirts of the city. I passed by ornaments of my home on the pavement; an old lamppost here, a cracked sign there. I wouldn’t normally have paid attention to seemingly normal things like them, but I didn’t know how long I would be gone, or when I would see any of Bournemouth again. I hesitated. The adrenaline rush from before had dissipated a while ago, so I could think a lot more clearly. Could I really trust Ella? Besides that, what about Sarah? Would she be alright without me? Come to think of it, would I be alright without her? I was filled with uncertainty. I couldn’t just abandon my home of fifteen years. Or could I? I hadn’t led a very interesting life at all so far, and I’d pretty much achieved bugger all in Bournemouth. There was a part of me, a small part of me, which yearned for adventure.

My mind was so occupied with all these questions that I didn’t notice when I walked up in front of my own house. Sarah and I lived in a little cottage in a quiet part of the town, liking to keep to ourselves. It was a nice little cottage, with a picket fence and a messy, unkempt lawn. Sarah liked it that way. So did I. I walked up to the front door, painted a plain white. I raised my hand to knock, but then considered otherwise. It was very dark by now, and I checked my watch. It read twenty to ten. Sarah was probably asleep by now, she liked her early nights. She was used to me being back late and she didn’t seem too bothered by this fact. She just trusted me, I suppose. I was very grateful for this, and felt guilty about leaving her. I rummaged around in my long coat pockets for my keys. They always proved a challenge to find at the best of times, and this was why I usually knocked. I eventually managed to find them, and entered the house as quietly as I could. The lights were all off; as I suspected, Sarah must be asleep. Sure enough, I could hear faint snoring from upstairs. I walked down the hallway to the small kitchen. Unlike the garden the kitchen was pretty tidy, aside from a few bits and pieces scattered around the room. I turned the light on and found a scrap of paper and a pen on the side. I scribbled a short note, hoping Sarah would understand:
“I’ve gone away for a while.
I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I definitely will be, one day.
Don’t worry about me, I’ll be alright.
See you soon, much love,
Alex”
I folded it and put it where she would see it, and crept out of the house, as quietly as I’d entered.

I flew as fast as I could back to the cliff. The night wind chilled me to the bone and swept the tears from my face. I felt absolutely terrible about what I’d just done. But I couldn’t turn back. Not now. However, I silently promised myself I would return one day. I had to. I floated gently down to the beach and looked up to see Ella, still waiting for me in exactly the same place. She glanced up at me as I approached her, and smiled. “Sorry about that...” I said, my voice cracking with emotion and my eyes tearful. Ella didn’t say a word. She just took my hand gently and led me away from the waves towards the grass at the bottom of the cliff. There she lay me down on the ground, with her lying next to me. She looked at me in silence, our faces mere inches away from each other. Slowly she wrapped her arms around me, and embraced me. I felt her warmth, and held her. All the grief and remorse within me slowly sapped away and I was finally at peace. We fell asleep like that, in each other’s arms, under a blanket of shining stars. She didn’t even say a single word.

Fuck You

2009-10-25T13:03:00.000Z

What kind of sick and twisted person would fake his own death to his best friends and then reappear a week later to say "sorry guys, I was just kidding". Seriously?! Apparently Steve's reasoning for faking his own death to all of us was to "collect information". Why the fuck? What an attention whore. Whatever "information" he collects, I hope he realises how damaging his "death" was to us. Some of the people closer to him were in a constant state of depression so bad that I didn't even recognise it (despite being quite sensitive myself) and who knows if they caused further damage to themselves? I suppose the only thing that I have gained from it is that I know the kind of thing to expect in future when someone actually dies. I could go on more, but this is one of the most horrible things I have had to write about and so I don't particularly want to.

I am listening to Florence + the Machine. I never knew she was so good.

Steven Nethery, R.I.P.

2009-10-22T17:53:00.002+01:00

Sorry there hasn't been anything new for a few days (nothing has happened to me, I'm still here) but I haven't really had much to write about, let alone wanted to write anything. I hate to use it as an excuse for me not writing, but I think the events of last weekend are still affecting me a great deal. It suddenly hit me earlier on in the week that Steven is gone forever and there is no way of bringing him back. When the wave of reality passed over me I was almost reduced to tears, but luckily I managed to stop myself breaking down right in the middle of college. Since then I have recovered a bit and I no longer feel hopelessly depressed, I suppose I didn't know him that well (although I wish I did) so I'm getting over it faster than others. However I still think about him a lot and it still affects me greatly, I feel apathetic about everything often and I am constantly tired. The only way I seem to be able to be happy right now is if I briefly forget about it, but that's quite hard to do. I have been listening to the (relatively new) Radiohead song Harry Patch (In Memory of) a lot recently. They wrote it for the last surviving WW1 veteran, Harry Patch, who passed away recently. It is a beautiful tribute and although it was originally meant to be for someone else I would like to personally dedicate it to our friend, Steven Nethery.

Radiohead - Harry Patch (In Memory of)

I decided to look through my father's Jools Holland DVD yesterday and found to my delight that I actually knew and liked a lot of the bands on there (the last time I watched it I knew hardly any of them). One of the bands was The Libertines performing Up the Bracket and this inspired me to listen to The Libertines again, as I hadn't for quite a long time (even though I quite like them). I got through all the songs that I have by them and found that I liked them even more than before I watched them on the DVD. This got me thinking about the past as The Libertines broke up over 5 years ago but I would have really loved to see them live (this also seems to happen to me with a lot of other bands that I like). If I had been born about 10 years earlier than when I was then I would have grown up surrounded by my favourite bands! I really wish I could time travel but only to go back in time, I don't want to spoil the future for myself (the past would be so much better anyway). Seeing as I am so lovely I have found The Libertines' performance on the intarwebs for you to view at your convenience:

I have also been listening to Coldplay again this week for the first time in ages (I don't know why but I suddenly decided I should) and I found that they aren't as bad as I thought they were. I used to really like them but I got very bored of them after a while (also Chris Martin gets on my nerves quite a lot). After listening to them again this week I have decided that they aren't anywhere near as good as people say they are (seems obvious to me) but despite this some of their songs are brilliant. So I like Coldplay again, which I didn't really see coming. Wolfmother have a new album! I have been listening to that these last couple of days as well, it is deliciously heavy. It's been a long wait (their last album came out in 2005 for raptorjesus' sake) but I am so glad they are back.

Death

2009-10-18T22:27:00.000+01:00

"There's no colour and no sound
In black and white town
I've been ten feet underground
In black and white town" - Doves

Yesterday was the best day I have had for a while, I saw so many epic people (some of which I hardly ever see, hell I even met a few new people). I was hardly home at all yesterday, just out having lots of fun, something I need to do more often.

Something terrible happened today, it was such a big thing that nothing that happened yesterday really matters. Everything has been put into perspective for me but despite this I do not know how to feel. Steve (from #cranbaux) was shot by burglars in his home. His body was found today. Nothing like this has happened to me before, I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say. How does one react to death anyway? I wasn't even that close to the poor guy but I still feel deeply saddened by the news. I can't even begin to imagine how it must feel for those that were close to him, some of whom are my fellow IRC friends.

I'll admit I have a lot of problems with myself and my relationships with those around me. But those just seem completely irrelevant now, how could those matter in the slightest when my friends could suddenly not be around anymore? People forget how fragile life is and I know I'll never take it for granted ever again. My friends too, I'm determined to let them know how brilliant they are and how much they mean to me and never lose sight of that myself. I know what has happened, but my mind refuses to believe it. It's something which has never come this close to me before, death. It's only now that its ugly head is reared right up in front of me that I realise how terrifying and horrible death is.

It's going to be hard for all of us to get through this, you will be missed by all. Rest in peace Steve, we will never forget you.

Poetry

2009-10-17T00:21:00.000+01:00

I tried my hand at some poetry today. What do you think?

How could I tell you how much I love you
When I love you more than words could say?

And how could I tell you how much I need you?
When I would be so lost without you that I wouldn’t know where to turn

Before you came and cared for me I was a shadow of a man
But with your love I am stronger where I stand

I am proud to be yours, my lover, my best friend
You are the one I share everything with

My love for you will never end.

Story 4

2009-10-16T00:38:00.001+01:00

As I said earlier, here is part 4 of the story. In case you've all forgotten what the fucks been going on (I know it's been a while) here are links to the first three parts: Part 1, 2 and 3.

Four: Sunset

Ella and I flew and flew, the landscape flowing below us, with the waves cresting and falling under a pale blue sky. We held hands and spun each other round until we both got dizzy, stupid grins across our silly faces. Everything felt right. I got better and better, and I was soon able to keep up with Ella’s speed all on my own. She smiled at me from across the sky and mimicked applause. She flew across and clung onto my back; I looked back at her in surprise. She gave me a knowing smile and I felt her soft breath in my ear, “Take me faster, Alex. I want to see what you can do...” I looked back at her again in slight disbelief, but she simply gave me that same look, watching me intently. I turned my head round again and started to increase my speed. I felt the air currents rushing along the lengths of our bodies as we got faster and faster. My heart was racing, but when I looked back to check on Ella she seemed not to notice our by now ridiculous speed. She whispered again, “Good boy, now take me down.” I complied and took a large arc around to the beach, descending slowly.

We landed gently on the soft sand and Ella jumped off my back. I turned to face her. She gave me an encouraging smile and said “Well, that was certainly... impressive. I am proud of you Alex.” I replied, “Err, thanks. Y’know, for the whole teaching me to fly thing as well...” I was blushing as I mumbled this, but Ella’s smile only widened. “Don’t mention it, it was fun!” she exclaimed, grinning. Ella turned then and started skipping away across the sand, humming to herself. I simply stood there in wonderment at this frankly incredible girl who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. She turned back to me again when she realised I was still standing there. She looked a little puzzled and said “Aren’t you coming?” I looked back, slightly confused by this. She seemed to know what I was thinking. Then Ella said something which would change my life forever. “I’m going home. Want to come with me?”

I had no idea what ‘home’ meant for Ella. She looked anomalous wherever she went; or to put it more simply, she stuck out like a sore thumb. I guess this was another reason why I liked her. She was different, unique. I had never come across anything like her before, not even in dreams. I looked back at her in surprise, not quite knowing what to say. She looked at me expectantly, as if she was waiting for a certain response. I asked, hesitantly, “What... What happens if I don’t come with you?” She looked solemn then and replied “In that case... I suppose this is farewell...” She turned again and started walking away, not the happy skipping of before but a slow and gloomy walk. At that point in time, thoughts were flowing through my head as if they were liquid. I had so many questions to ask Ella, so many things left to do with her. There was no doubt for me that Ella was brilliant and the journey home with her seemed so tempting. Was it worth leaving my home for her? I had no idea to be honest, but everything about Ella compelled me to go on... I couldn’t think clearly at all. My pulse was racing from the flight and my thoughts were coming at me so fast I hardly had any time to put them into any sort of logical order. How could I say no to her, really? So that was how, on a winter’s day under a pink sunset on a Bournemouth beach, my life changed forever. I never looked back.

EXCITING

2009-10-15T18:39:00.001+01:00

I am getting gradually more and more excited about drawing perilously closer to the end of this year (I dunno about you guys, but mine's gone REALLY fast). You may be wondering why this would excite me so much but I actually get excited at about this time every year. For some reason I always get it into my head that the next year will be even better than the one just finishing (although this hardly ever happens). I get excited about all the new music that will be released and all the gigs I will go to, as well as all the new relationships I'll form with the people I'll meet. It is also a time for me to reflect on everything that has happened to me in the year that's just gone past. Despite usually being let down when the next year actually comes around, looking back this time 2009 has exceeded the norm. It's had it's major ups and downs but overall 2009 has been a good year for me (much better than usual). The end of this summer and the start of autumn have been particularly good, with the rest of autumn looking even better. I'm thinking of doing several blogs at the end of the year to go into my 2009 (as well as the exciting things in 2010) in more detail, which I'm quite excited about.

Another reason to be excited at this time of year is of course CHRISTMASSSSS. Only 71 days to go!

Yesterday Live Forever came on on the radio and as it is one of the only Oasis songs I really like I decided to give Definitely Maybe a try as it is meant to be ridiculously good (I already had it on my computer but I never really bothered with it). I discovered it is very good! I am amazed that I found an entire Oasis album that I really like, I mean I've always listened to What's the Story but I don't think it's exactly amazing or anything (shit is so overrated/overdone). I even learnt Rock 'n' Roll Star! (which by the way is also awesome) I had no idea Oasis were ever so good, it's a shame they lost their imagination and creative talent after that really. In my opinion they should have burnt out in spectacular fashion soon after the first album rather than ending the way that they did. Oh well, I can't rewrite history. I am still addicted to Björk, I have finally put all of her studio albums on the computer now and they are all amazing and totally distinctive from each other in their own unique way. I think I may be slightly in love with her (I'm allowed to have unconditional love for people like that, right?).

Not to be egotistical or anything, but I took some pictures of myself yesterday for the first time in a while. What's even rarer is that I actually quite like them. I managed to produce 7 that I liked, of which 2 are shown below:

As you can see I am wearing my amazing new chullo, which is featured in all 7 photos. It is the warmest and softest thing I have ever known, seriously. Yes that is a 21st Century Breakdown (coincidentally one of my favourite albums of this year) poster in the second one, I am so damn cool (obviously).

The more observant among you may have noticed a change in my blog's appearance. This is because I got bored of the old one and I just generally felt like fucking around with the settings anyway. I like it a lot better, I hope you do too! I will put up some more creative writing later this evening. It will be part 4 of that story that some of you may have already started to read. I am doing this as I realise it has been a couple of weeks since I posted the last part of it, so I want to put up the next part before you all forget what happened...

Always the summers are slipping away

2009-10-13T00:46:00.000+01:00

As you may have figured out from the title of yesterday's post, I have been getting into Deadmau5 recently. He is an electronic music producer from Canada and the music he makes is very cool, lots of nice lush soundscapes. Listen to him if you haven't already, he's really good. I am currently listening to Porcupine Tree, they are a band that I listened to for a bit a long time ago but I never really got into them. However one of my friends at college went to see them the other day and it's kind of persuaded me to listen to them again, so here I am. They're a lot better than I remember actually, kind of really melodic but fairly heavy spaced out rock (if that makes any sense). Anyway listen to them as well, some of the songs I have are pretty darn good.

A mother sings a lullaby to a child
Sometime in the future the boy goes wild
And all his nerves are feeling some kind of energy

A walk in the woods and I will try
Something under the trees that made you cry
It's so erotic when your make up runs

Ghosts 'n' Stuff

2009-10-12T01:09:00.006+01:00

Today is the second (and far more important) anniversary. I feel very happy right now, that's all due to one person and she knows who she is.

I have been using IRC more and more over the last few weeks and it has gradually become an integral part of my everyday life. I am beginning to get to know the people who inhabit the place I call home within the internet well and there is a right mix of personalities there. It's odd that something like that can affect me so much (as well as several others) in quite a few ways.

IN OTHER NEWS LOOK WHAT ELISA FOUND TODAY ON THE INTARWEBS. That .gif pretty much sums me up. A small orange-pink crab that plays acoustic guitar. She also drew me this:

I doubt anyone will really understand the full meaning of this other than us two, but it is a lovely picture. I love you ridiculous amounts.

I GOT A MOTHERFUCKING CHULLO

2009-10-09T23:47:00.000+01:00

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, I FINALLY GOT ONE. IT LOOKS LIKE THIS:

ONLY IT IS BLACK AND HAS FUR ON IT. THAT WILL BE ALL FOR NOW.

One month

2009-10-08T22:02:00.002+01:00

That's right folks, it's been a whole month since I started this thing! It's been a fairly eventful month for me and I'd like to think that all those following this have enjoyed reading about me for an entire month (although I know I'm not exactly the most entertaining guy ever). I hope (against all of the odds) I have made a good impression of myself. I didn't think I'd keep it going this long, so well done me I guess (but I suppose my posts have been getting shorter recently...). Above all, thanks to everyone reading! You guys are the best.

I tried my luck at applying for jobs this evening, what a waste of time that was. The online application process (this probably applies to the traditional one as well) is so long and complicated and even the simplest of jobs require you not to make a mistake anywhere along the line. I realised that getting myself a job will be a lot harder than I originally thought and this depresses me a fair amount. I'm going to go out tomorrow and try handing out CVs around town, see if I have any luck. I am feeling very pessimistic about it though.

I am still feeling totally rubbish so I can't be bothered to write more, although I will say that another, even more important, anniversary is coming up soon.

Sick

2009-10-08T00:22:00.002+01:00

I have suddenly become quite unwell with something flu-like today, so there will be no writing. Goodnight.

Do you feel like a chain store?
Practically floored
One of many zeros
Kicked around bored
Your ears are full but you're empty
Holding out your heart
To people who never really
Care how you are

So give me Coffee and TV
History
I've seen so much
I'm going blind
And I'm braindead virtually
Sociability
Is hard enough for me
Take me away from this big bad world
And agree to marry me
So we can start over again

Do you go to the country?
It isn't very far
There's people there who'll hurt you
Because of who you are

Your ears are full of their language
There's wisdom there you're sure
'Til the words start slurring
And you can't find the door

So give me Coffee and TV
History
I've seen so much
I'm going blind
And I'm braindead virtually
Sociability
Is hard enough for me
Take me away from this big bad world
And agree to marry me
So we can start over again

So give me Coffee and TV
History
I've seen so much
I'm going blind
And I'm braindead virtually
Sociability
Is hard enough for me
Take me away from this big bad world
And agree to marry me
So we can start over again

Oh... we could start over again
Oh... we could start over again
Oh... we could start over again
Oh... we could start over again

boringpost

2009-10-06T00:38:00.001+01:00

I haven't got much to say today other than I HAD MY LAST EVER ORTHODONTIST APPOINTMENT TODAY FUCK YES NO MORE TOOTH PAIN EVER AGAIN WOO (!!!!!1exclamation mark).

Another thing. I have a scarf on top of my laptop screen, the ends are draped down the sides (kind of like it's framing the screen). Thanks for that Elisa, I honestly do not know what I would do without you.

Only a few weeks until I see the xx again!

#25

2009-10-05T01:21:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Day - "In a heart full of dust lives a creature called lust; it surprises and scares, like me, like me" - Björk

Sorry I haven't been blogging as regularly as usual, I've had quite a busy weekend. I think I need to start doing more of my homework during the week, I have literally spent hours just working today. It gets a bit depressing after a while and I don't think my brain can work properly for that long, it just plain sucks really. My vision went blurry after taekwondo today, it was like what the fuck. My head was also very painful and I am still suffering from a splitting headache right now. I have no idea why...

My mother cleaned my room a bit yesterday. It looked so weird, I'm so used to it being dirty all the time. On my pillow she had put my childhood teddy bear. I don't know where she found it, I haven't seen the thing in years. It's really small and kinda scrappy, but I loved that damn thing. In fact, I'm only a little bit ashamed to say that I still do.

I am still in love! I do not know how this has happened or how it has managed to last this long already, it's ridiculous. Yet we somehow become closer all the time. I even did some of her homework for her today. The things I'll do for love...

I really really want to do some more creative writing of some kind but I keep not finding enough time. I don't know whether I will continue the long (ish) story I was doing, it's kind of old. I can't remember if I mentioned this already but there are seven parts already in existence, which will probably all appear on here eventually. I want to write a poem or just a short story or a skit or ANYTHING. Even a new song could happen. Raptorjesus knows I haven't tried anything like that for ages. My songs always end up sounding like pieces of shit, so I gave up a while ago.

I should probably sleep, I'm going to hate myself in the morning. I have been listening to Eminem recently (my favourite is Stan), I was surprised rap music could be so clever.

OW MY FUCKING KNEE

2009-10-02T00:05:00.001+01:00

OH MY GOD I DIDN'T DO A POST YESTERDAY THE WORLD MUST SURELY END. I decided that I wouldn't make myself do a post every day from now on if I don't want to, its a pain in the arse when I really don't want to write.

AAAA FUCK MY FUCKING KNEE IT'S LIKE ON FIRE OR SOMETHING FUUUUUUUUUUU-

Tom gave me a biscuit today and told me to write it here, so THERE YOU GO TOM. Happy now?

I LOVE YOU ELISA.

That will be all.

edit: WAAAA WE ARE IN OCTOBER ALREADY WTF

Fear

2009-09-29T23:18:00.000+01:00

What? So many fears and anxieties all spiralling round and round, I can't fucking think straight. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I wish things were different.

A lonely boy walks through a dark wood, the hostile trees closing in on him as pressure builds in his heart and he stumbles. He shivers and shuffles onwards, the arctic wind biting at his pale skin. Something moves in the far distance and he loses all sense of feeling in his legs, falling to the icy ground. He doesn't even cry out, his voice lost with his consciousness. After several moments, the boy gets up again and continues on his course without hesitation. "I must carry on" he grimly tells himself.

The boy is not very tall, or wide. In fact, if you did not look closely you might say that he was a frail and sallow child. But if you were to look closely you would see that there was a wisdom and sadness beyond those pale blue eyes that suggested far more than his figure. He doesn't stop, there is an urgency to his walking despite the bitter cold slowing him down. His thoughts race, spiralling round and round in an endless staircase, each step a bullet through his heart. The darkness closes in on him, suffocating him of energy. He nearly falls again, his vision blurry. He regains balance, his own determination keeping him going.

At last, he finds it! It is a place which he has never seen before, but he knows it. He knows it because it is a place which he has been looking for his whole life, although he didn't realise it. It looks just like the rest of the forest...

There is a girl, standing amongst the trees. Her shimmering hair flows down in beautiful contrast to the stark trees, a faint glow emanating from her perfect skin. She is looking the other way and so doesn't notice the boy nervously approach her. He stops.

"I love you"

The girl inclines her head slightly, as if noticing a change in the wind. She turns fully and looks straight through the boy, her clear green eyes unseeing.

"What?"

She shakes her head and turns back to the trees.

The boy collapses.

Just trying out a bit of creative writing, based on a trail of random thoughts and ideas. This is the first I've done for several months, so it's probably shit. You can decide.

Blank

2009-09-28T23:45:00.002+01:00

Really can't be bothered with any kind of blog today. Sorry.

graaaaaarrrrrrgh

2009-09-27T20:44:00.000+01:00

Wow, what a shitty day. My family abandons me this morning, which should be a good thing right? Wrong. I have a mountain of homework to do (obviously) and my teachers are so nice they have set all of it for Monday. What the FUCK. I went into town today with Matt to buy Tom a present for his birthday (if you're reading Matt, this was actually the only good part of my day) and when I came back I got straight to work. Got some done (there's still a ton left) but I had to stop because I wanted to go to taekwondo today. It's pretty far away on Sundays, normally this isn't a big deal, my parents just drive me there. Today however they weren't here so I had to take the bus. I knew it was going to take a long time to get there by bus, so I made a note of the bus timetable earlier in the day. I got to the bus stop a few minutes earlier than when my bus was supposed to arrive, only to find that it had already left. Why do they even both making a timetable for these things if they aren't even going to follow it?! Anyway, the next bus that would be on the route I wanted wasn't due for ages (although what significance does that even hold?) but there was a different one due in a few minutes. I looked at the bus routes to find that this one was a very similar route, so I thought I may as well get on that one and see what happens. I eventually realised that after a point it was just getting further and further away from where I wanted to go, so I got off at a random stop in the middle of Idon'tfuckingknowwhere. I managed to find the place just in time by walking around, but I was very lucky I think.

Obviously when the class finished I needed to take the bus back, but I then found out that the next bus wasn't for half an hour... I started walking, not knowing what else to do. I rang my parents to see where they were, but they wouldn't be back for a while yet, so I was on my own. I didn't really know where I was going, but I just kept walking in what I thought was the right direction. I didn't know what else to do. It didn't help that all of the roads around there looked exactly the same, plus the fact it was dark by then. My parents eventually called about 40 minutes later to say they were back and that they could pick me up. By then I was on the verge of giving up. I was already exhausted from taekwondo, I'd been walking for 40 minutes on top of that. Then there's also the fact that I hadn't eaten anything for several hours. I also hadn't a fucking clue where the fuck I was. When I saw my parents again eventually they had the nerve to say I was lucky (lucky?!) because they had stopped me from having to walk the whole way on my own. To be honest, I doubt I would have found home anyway. I might have done, but only after a very long time. I also knew that as soon as I got back I would have to do all of the rest of my work. I suppose I should do that now then...

And if you complain, once more...

2009-09-26T23:47:00.000+01:00

...you'll meet an army of me. Don't really want to write today, too ill/tired/ill/tired/ill. Björk is AMAZING and Elisa is even more so and oh wow I love her a lot. I have nothing else to say really.

>insert blog post here<

2009-09-25T23:20:00.003+01:00

Quote of the Day - "There's definitely no logic, in human behaviour" - Björk

15:51 I feel really shit today for a number of reasons. Not sure if there will be more blog later, right now I don't really care.

23:09 Matthew came round today, so all was not lost! We did some painting, it was pretty fun. It sounds pretty lame, but it feels quite special for me personally that I am a major part of his first steps into the world of Warhammer. Today was the first time he had ever had a go at painting any Warhammer and he didn't too badly at all! It reminded me of the first time I attempted to paint Warhammer and what an abysmal failure I was. I was pretty damn proud of myself at the time but looking back, I was a rubbish painter (still, this was several years ago now). I actually think I'm rather good now, I have moved on a lot from those early days and can actually make my models look good, given enough time. It was cool to be able to put myself into Matt's shoes and help him through his first painting attempt. I also got into Björk today, put her first album on the computer. It's so good! Listening to it cheered me up a bit, so it must be very good indeed. I still feel a bit rubbish though, so I will go now. I miss her so much.

Story 3

2009-09-25T00:59:00.001+01:00

What a wonderful feeling it is to be in love. Can't be bothered with proper post today, sorry (taekwondo tonight is making me feel a particularly special kind of dead). You'll have to put up with the next part of the story, I'm afraid beggers can't be choosers in this business. I will say one thing though and it is this: it is getting fucking odder and odder with the people coming up to me and telling me about my blog. More people do it now, they just come up to me in college telling me about my blog, what they think of it etc. One guy even apologised to me for having not read the latest entry yet! Don't stop guys, (I like having fans, despite how few they are in number) it's just fucking WEIRD. Here is the story:

Three: Flying

I wondered how Ella would be able to fly. I believed her though, if she said she could do something, I believed she could do it. Anything seemed possible for her. She gave me another brief smile and closed her eyes, taking in a slow breath as she did so. As she slowly let it out again through her lips, I felt the air moving gently upwards against my hands. We lifted up from the ground, slowly at first but gradually increasing in pace. By the time we were level with the top of the cliff, the air was rushing past our bodies. We were still holding hands, and to my surprise she twirled me around mid-flight. I realised I was laughing and when Ella saw this she started laughing too. I hadn’t felt this happy for ages; usually I wasn’t even happy at all. She took me higher still and the little alcove with the waves splashing against it just kept getting smaller and smaller. That’s one thing I remember very clearly about flying; how small everything looks. The air rushing against us was fantastically refreshing and I suddenly felt very light. It was intoxicating, this flying business. I would have to do it more often.

Ella took me soaring in a big circle over the tops of the cliffs and gently brought me back down to earth again. She looked at me expectantly, but I could only manage one word. “...Wow.” She smiled at my reaction and asked if I would like to learn how to fly. I immediately said yes, of course I would. What I had just done was extremely unnerving, but I wanted more than anything to do it again and again. Ella inclined her head briefly and walked up to stand next to me. She closed her eyes and placed her hands by her sides, so that the palms were facing downwards towards the sand. I felt a breeze move upwards alongside her, and the sand started to kick up around her bare feet. She rose up a few inches and stayed there, hovering. I stared, open-mouthed. She laughed; it sounded like a dawn chorus of birds in the spring.

Ella had always said there wasn’t anything particularly hard about flying. For me, who had just seen something that seemed impossible beforehand, this was very hard to believe. She told me that all I had to do was feel the air around me; it was as simple as that. I copied what she had just done, with my eyes closed and my hands facing the ground. I waited for a short while, but nothing happened. I opened my eyes to see Ella looking at me with curiosity. I told her I couldn’t do it, but she just frowned. She said that to feel the air I first had to know the air. She had a look of contemplation on her face and it seemed she was having difficulty explaining to me what I had to do. I guess she didn’t teach people how to fly every day. All of a sudden I wanted to fly not just for me, but for her too. I took her hand and gave her a shy smile to encourage her. She looked at me and her blue eyes were filled with brightness, as if they were charged with electricity.

She squeezed my hand in hers and repeated what we had done before, when I flew for the first time. This time she did everything slower; I guess she wanted to emphasise what she was doing. I felt the by now familiar breeze rise up around my feet, then around my hands and finally brushing against my face. The air seemed to mirror Ella in that it was also moving slower than last time. I noticed something else that felt very different from before, but I couldn’t quite pinpoint it. It was as if I could feel the curves of the air flowing around my body. Ella moved my hand slightly to the right so that it was closer to her body, and something very strange happened. I suddenly realised exactly what Ella had meant. She must have moved my hand directly into the source of the air currents, because the shapes of the curves felt a lot more distinct. I could feel what felt like the individual air molecules moving past and over my hand in little streams and eddies. I never really questioned this; it just sort of seemed to make sense to me. The air could be manipulated on a large scale, why shouldn’t it be manipulated on a tiny scale too? I looked at Ella at this point, and she seemed to know what I was thinking. “Yes Alex, those are molecules of air that you can feel,” she said with a wry smile. “Now you know the air.”

Ella began to speed up the flow of air and soon we were floating upwards, supported on cushions of molecules she so easily moved to her will. We were a couple of feet from the ground when she asked me to see if I could now ‘feel the air’. I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath and slowly let it out, allowing all my muscles to relax. I felt the breeze on my hands and sure enough, I could now recognise a faint flow of molecules, appearing to me as a regular pulse. I struggled to manipulate them however, but after several tries I managed to push some of them away and pull some of them back. To manage this I moved my hand towards them and away again, but I had to do this within the stream of molecules. That was the knack to the manipulating bit. Once you have the right rhythm and speed, you can do anything. Ella seemed to notice that I was having some success and she looked on me with a bemused expression. All of a sudden she let me go. I was taken completely by surprise, but just before I hit the ground, I stopped moving. I was hovering, literally only about an inch above the sand. I looked up at Ella, but she simply shook her head and grinned at me. Somehow I had managed to instinctively manipulate the air below me just in time. I flew back up to Ella with ease, to my complete surprise. She looked very pleased with herself and said “Now you can fly, Alex.”

I want to live like common people

2009-09-24T01:00:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Day - "The boys all loved you but I was a mess, I had to watch them trying to get you undressed" - Pulp

I decided today that I really, really, really don't like my new chemistry teacher. The guy's a complete dick, he's convinced that boys basically can't do anything compared to girls (or, as he called us, 'males' and 'females'). When he was explaining this clearly genius theory to us he actually used members of the class as examples. He seemed to think that constantly putting down the 'males' and complimenting the 'females' would make the 'males' do better. Not that we fucking need to. I don't see how we are in any way worse. I mean, do I need to remind the fucker that I got straight As last year? What does it fucking take for teachers to be pleased (even just plain satisfied will do) about me around here?! There are other retarded things he does too. For example, when he was going through last lessons homework today (I hadn't done it, thank raptorjesus) he was basically just tossing all the guys' ones aside and just completely tearing them apart (not physically but verbally). He didn't actually use these words but what he said was along these lines:
"Oh look this one was done by a boy, it's shit"
"Oh look this one was done by a girl, it must be A grade work"
...and so on. He even went into detail on some of the more unfortunate people's work. I'm not saying that those people's work wasn't very good, I suspect it was largely pretty good. He just made it sound bad by pointing out EVERY tiny mistake. He thinks he's hilarious as well, making ridiculously awkward jokes every 5 minutes. He gets on my nerves so much, I have a feeling I won't be enjoying chemistry this year. Shame really, it was my favourite subject last year.

Debated with myself for a bit after college about what I should do with my afternoon. Homework, or play Halo? Halo won out in the end (obviously) but I got what was coming to me a while later when my computer overheated and died while I was playing. Luckily Halo autosaves, so all was not lost! Anyway I took this as a sign to do something more productive (I wouldn't have been able to play it for a while anyway what with dead computer) but I still managed to avoid homework by getting into more painting instead. I know it's really nerdy, but I'm seriously getting into it again. Painting my little skinks is so fun! Matt will be coming round on Friday so I can give him a crash course in Warhammer painting (he's never done it before) which I am very much looking forward to.

I discovered Pulp today. I finally put Different Class on the computer after meaning to for a few weeks (it's still playing now) and it's fucking brilliant. It's one of those albums that perfectly encapsulates the adolescent frame of mind, so ideal for me. I have come to the conclusion that Jarvis Cocker is a genius, albeit a damn dirty one. So many of the lyrics within Different Class are just downright dirty or have some kind of double meaning! Cocker you dirty bastard you. Had an interlude inbetween the much Pulp listening going on today for a jam on the guitar. I played through Uprising several times, I'm getting better at it (I think)! After that I had a play through several other Muse riffs before breaking into the main riff from the Radiohead song Bodysnatchers. I hadn't played it for ages, so it took a while for me to remember how to play it but once I did it was easy. It's so fun to play I played through it about a hundred times before stopping. I played it so much that I had actually started improvising riffs based on it towards the end. It didn't sound that impressive, but oh my was it FUN.

I did eventually get round to some homework, I did all of my chemistry (fuck you Gordon! That's my teacher's name) and a bit of maths. However it took me so fucking long to get around to it, I had so much time today after college and only got around to it late in the evening. To be fair, I think I put the pro in procrastination. I also spoke to thizzley for a good couple of hours, we had a nice deep chat about the way things are currently. They are currently very good indeed. I am so grateful for her, I can't quite believe how lucky I am. One last thing. Ffion (my epic Welsh friend) has come back into my life. WOOHOO!

Tuesdays - full of win

2009-09-22T21:21:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Day - "It's time the fat cats had a heart attack" - Muse

I won a game of warbands today! This made me very happy, I am very much looking forward to my next game now (my warband has grown considerably as I got loads of points for winning a game). I have also done some painting recently and hope to do more soon, I'd forgotten how fun it is to paint those little guys. Today was actually pretty damn good as well (for a change)! As well as my warbands massacre (that's right, I did better than just win) I had a mere two lessons at college and a lie in! All in all a pretty fantastic day, I'm sure you'll agree? Another thing, I didn't expect to get to talk to thizzley today (she has a busy day lined up for herself) but I did for like 20 minutes just now. I know that's not particularly long, but I'm just glad to be able to talk to her after all. I shall look forward to talking to her tomorrow!

I totally just torrented the original Halo! I had it a while ago, but I deleted it (to make room on my hard drive, I suppose). I don't know why, but I had a strong urge to play it again just this evening. Maybe it's all the hype what with ODST being released yesterday. Unfortunately I don't think I should play it right now, I have like a ton of homework looming over my head like some kind of twisted death warrant. I shall do some of that soon, then play Halo later. I also keep bugging myself to write more story, but my time just seems to keep evaporating in font of me like some kind of very hot water. I promise I will write more eventually! (I'm not really sure if that's more of a promise to you than to myself)

I learnt Uprising (new Muse single) on guitar the other day and I attempted to play it again today. The guitar is fairly simple, but it's pretty difficult to sing it while playing, which is what I'd like to be able to do. Practice makes perfect I suppose. You should all listen to it! It goes like this (yes, I am aware the video is fucking awesome). Anyway I should stop this now so I can get down to some work. Besides, I don't really know what else to write about... damn, short post is short. I guess my life is fairly boring right now. Maybe longer posts soon, who the fuck knows. Oh and one last thing, thizzley starts her new job today. Best of luck to her!

Story 2

2009-09-21T23:14:00.000+01:00

Can't be arsed with much of a post today, too tired and I don't feel there is much to say. Apart from- THIZZLEY JUST APPEARED FUCK YES. Ok I shall leave you with the next part of the story to kind of make up for it, more normal blogging tomorrow. I am planning on finally continuing the damn thing soon, but not tonight. Also from now on I will be labelling the story blogs "Story X" where X is the number of the part that it is. I'm hoping that it will make it easier to find the story posts if you aren't interested in the regular ones (and why wouldn't you be?!). Anyway, here it is:

Two: Girl

I’ll never forget the day I met her. The day started like any other - I got up, went to school, went to the alcove by the sea. I was sitting on the rocks gazing at the waves when to my surprise I noticed a figure descending the cliff face. It was a girl in a white dress, with long bright golden hair that streamed behind her as she moved. She had a very slender figure, and I guess she was about the same age as me, although strangely I never did ask her. Oddly enough she was taking the same path which I had taken so many times. I had no idea how she knew it, I’d never seen anyone else here before. Somehow she moved slowly and smoothly down the cliff face, despite it being riddled with cracks and dips in the rock that would surely trip her up or at least hinder her approach. I realised with a shock that she was staring at me.

As she reached the beach I could make out her face properly. She had pale but smooth skin, a small nose and huge bright blue eyes. Those eyes were to die for. Her lips formed a friendly smile as she glided towards me. She’s beautiful, I thought; impossibly beautiful. I was mesmerized. She stopped moving a couple of metres away from me. I offered a nervous greeting “H-hi, I’m Alex.” She simply smiled and said “Hello Alex, my name is Ella. Pleased to meet you.” No one was ever pleased to meet me. I blushed and smiled back into those big blue eyes.

Ella had something about her that I had never come across before; she was absolutely captivating and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She told me that she could fly, and I didn’t put it past her. It seemed to me like anything was possible for Ella. She said that if I wanted, she could show me. I did want her to show me. The idea of flying was incredible, but I think I just liked watching her, no matter what she did. I guess Ella just had that kind of effect on me.

She came up to me until she was no more than a few inches away and I could feel her breath on my face. It felt like a cool summer breeze gently running through my hair, despite it being winter all around us. I shivered. She simply smiled at me again and took my hands in hers. I felt the warmth return to my face as she asked if I was ready. The idea of flying both excited and terrified me all at once. I had never flown before, not even on a plane or anything. I should have been afraid; I know I should have been. It didn’t make sense for me to not feel any fear, yet it felt like this was something I was supposed to do. Of course I was ready, I felt more ready than I had ever felt before. I looked back at her perfect face and nodded.

Mon cœur s'ouvre à ta voix

2009-09-20T21:39:00.002+01:00

Quote of the Day - "I am generally very unsure and indecisive, but when I decide upon something I fucking decide." - Elisa Lovato

20:28 Woke up this morning feeling rather rubbish. I had hardly had any sleep (my fault to be quite honest) and my head hurt (probably because of the lack of sleep). Also when I signed into irc thizzley was still nowhere to be seen. This sounds pretty pathetic, but the fact that I still hadn't talked to her in how ever many hours/days it had been depressed me a bit. The lack of sleep was also related to her, after I finished my previous post I decided to wait until she appeared (I reasoned she eventually would). However I eventually fell asleep against my own will (I must have been awake a long time) and I woke up (after however long I had been asleep, I don't know) when my computer fell on the fucking floor. Yes, I know I am an idiot. Luckily for me my computer must be made of pretty tough stuff because there isn't even a scratch on it (apart from the ones that were already there). I ended up finally going to sleep properly at some point just after 4am, so a good healthy time for me to be getting to sleep then. All the while I was awake I was gradually getting more and more apathetic and lonely until I just couldn't take it anymore and gave up. That night was not very fun and I essentially felt the same when I woke up.

It's ok though, because things started brightening up from there! I thought about thizzley basically all morning while at the same time keeping on telling myself to do my damn maths homework... which obviously didn't get done. Matt came round eventually though and we walked to the cinema together which cheered me right up! We went to see District 9 which I had only heard of recently and knew essentially nothing about, so I didn't really know what to expect. It's a brilliant film, I won't spoil it for any of you who haven't seen it but I will urge you to go see it as soon as you can! It made me think a lot about us a species and what we are capable of. It's a very frightening film, not in the "oh shit they're going to eat us" kind of way, more frightening as in it makes you think about what would happen if similar events to the ones in the film happened for real. I can't help thinking that if what happens at the beginning of the film happens to us in reality then the consequences would be somewhat similar. The thought of it makes me feel a little bit ill. Anyway go see it, it's the best film I have seen in a while.

After the cinema I was originally planning on going to taekwondo tonight, but I eventually decided against it what with all the maths which STILL hadn't been done. I'm glad I didn't go in the end, I've finished all my homework bar one question which I can't figure out how to do. I hope my teacher doesn't mind too much, she can be quite erratic with her moods. I will attempt to go to taekwondo three times next week, providing it doesn't kill me...

Soon after I had given up on that thizzley finally appeared! We had a rather emotional reunion (don't judge me, we're really close ok) followed by giving each other an overview of our own experiences during the previous day (the day where we missed each other). We discovered that we are actually probably more attached to each other than we had previously realised, as over perhaps just a day (maybe, I don't really know how much time it actually was) we both missed each other intensely. I like the way we are though, it feels like we are inseparable (I wonder what she'll think about that...).

I did actually attempt what I meant to do yesterday (trying to play through In the Aeroplane Over the Sea in it's entirety) although I failed slightly. I only managed the first 9 songs and I didn't play those particularly well anyway. Oh well... I really don't have much else to add tonight, so I'll see you all tomorrow I guess. Oh and by the way, the title means "My heart opens itself to your voice" in French. I'll let you decide the meaning of that.

I belong to you

2009-09-20T00:36:00.000+01:00

13:43 I got up at about 11am this morning and found thizzley still on irc, waiting for me! (she's still here now!) This made me feel very happy, although I am worried that she is not getting enough sleep (it's early in the morning over there, she hasn't gone to bed). I don't want to sound like her mother or something, I just care about her.

I might attempt to play all the way through Neutral Milk Hotel's In the Aeroplane Over the Sea today from beginning to end. It should be quite a fun experience, I've never attempted to play an entire album all at once before. I'll play along with the record, strumming the chords and singing the lyrics. I'm afraid if I don't play along with the record I'll probably make like a thousand mistakes and it'll sound rubbish.

23:48 Didn't play through In the Aeroplane Over the Sea today as I didn't make enough time for myself to. I failed just a bit there. Went round Owen's house today, hung out with some people. Dom was there which was nice, I hadn't seen him for ages and ages. Before I left I noticed our front room (lounge/sitting room/whatever to you americans) had been pretty much converted into something quite awesome. There was lego all over the floor and I mean literally all over the floor. My brothers have finally got hold of all of the lego I had when I was a kid. Now they've added it to their collections and they're building all sorts of cool things. Literally thousands of different pieces were all over the place, it was like a bomb made of and containing only lego had gone off in our front room. I was very happy to see it being used after years of just sitting on top of my wardrobe in my room and making them so happy. It made me think a lot about my childhood, but we all know thinking a lot isn't really very good for me. I wish I was their age again.

This evening I had a drink with my parents and watched a film they had rented called The Reader. I had never heard of it before, but I thought it was very very good. It's about the problems faced by Germany after the events in the second world war, particularly the events in the concentration camps. I know that might sound a bit dry, but there is a romance between a teenage boy and a woman who used to work in the camps (the boy doesn't know at first) which I thought was done very well. It was a very romantic film but not in the cliched way that makes you want to cringe to death, it was done in a much more moving way. I like that sort of romance very much, so I liked the film a lot. It was a very touching and sad film, the ending left me feeling quite thoughtful. I keep thinking about love and how it affects each person in their own unique way. I want my love to be here.

I have so much maths homework to do and it's all due for Monday, it's rather depressing. In order to get it all done on time I think I'll have to do some tonight, which I really don't want to do. I'm tired, slightly ill and a little bit too thoughtful for my liking. Still, I suppose it's my own fault for not doing it earlier. Then again, this week does seem to have been incredibly busy. Arguing with myself is hardly going to get it done so I'll get started on that in a bit.

Sorry for the short post today, but I really don't have anything else to say right now. I hope she appears soon.

Cannibal Carrots.

2009-09-19T02:20:00.001+01:00

Quote of the Day - "I'd tell all my friends but they'd never believe me, they'd think that I'd finally lost it completely" - Radiohead

Ah, why am I starting this so late. Oh well, it's the weekend! By my logic I am allowed to stay up until whenever the hell I feel like going to bed, so that is what I shall do!

I survived my adventure all the way to Bristol and back today! (hurrah) I'm quite proud of myself, going all that way on my own and not getting stabbed/raped/drunk off my face/delete as applicable. ANYWAY, Bristol was alright. I didn't like the campus itself much really (it's all too urban and not very nice to look at) but the chemistry department was very impressive indeed. All shiny new equipment and massive airy buildings. Even though I didn't like the campus as much as the other places I think I will still apply there, as the chemistry bit impressed me so much (also it's ranked so damn highly that if I manage to get a place I think it'll be pretty easy to get a job out of it after). I was routinely very tired throughout the day (I must have taken about a million naps on various trains) but I survived, I think all the coffee I drank saved me in the end. PRAISE THE LORD FOR COFFEE. Actually no, I don't believe in the lord, don't praise him.

Oh man, the trains. I think the train service in this country is in dire need of fixing. I could go on about all the fucking stupid things it includes (there's a long list) but it would take too long. I'll just talk about two things that affected me today. Firstly, the DELAYS. All of them (yes that's right, you heard me correctly) were delayed. I wouldn't mind that much if say just one of them was delayed by a few minutes, but all of my trains?! Come on, you stupid government. What the fuck do you guys do all day anyway, other than argue? The first one was delayed by almost 20 minutes! (how ridiculous is that!) My second point I would like to make (and I'd just like to point out that this isn't true for every station, rather most of them) is that hardly any train stations seem to have bins anywhere. This begs an important question: How the fuck do you guys keep them so damn clean?! There was hardly any litter anywhere as far as I could tell, although I eventually accumulated quite a bit of rubbish (I ended up having eaten and drank quite a lot eventually, but it was a long day so I'm allowed to eat and drink excessively). This made me feel like I was missing out on a trick somewhere. I mean what, are there like invisible bins that I wasn't told about or something? I just don't get it, why don't the people who run these places think of adding bins? I mean, some of these stations are pretty massive with loads of people going in and out all the time. I'd really like to know how they keep them so damn clean, it's very confusing.

When I finally got back (I was away for pretty much 12 hours) I flopped onto the sofa, ate my dinner (yummy fish and jacket potatoes!) and watched Derren Brown on TV. He tried to make everyone watching stick to their seats (quite literally) by playing a film which he had made designed to make people 'stick' to their seats. He did this by using his skills of suggestion and surprisingly it appeared to work on some people. Disappointingly though no one in my family was affected, including me. I wanted to be stuck to my seat! It would have been pretty cool. After that there was the first episode of a new series of Peep Show (!!) which is probably one of my favourite things to ever be on TV ever. It's a ridiculously funny (but also ridiculously cringey) comedy about two loser best friends (they're also complete opposites of each other) who live together. All you British readers will undoubtedly know it, all you non-Britons just trust me in that it is very, very funny.

After that I went to irc and waited for thizzley to appear for about 1 and a half hours. When she turned up it was so worth the wait though. I love her ridiculously a lot. She had a very good reason for being way later than usual anyway, so I don't really mind at all. It was because she has managed to get herself a job! (well an internship anyway, just as good in my opinion) She got it at the exact place she wanted to get it as well, I'm so proud of her! This also means that she is very happy, which obviously makes me a lot happier. So well done thizzley, you did good!

One last thing before I wrap this post up, but it is a very weird thing. I had someone add me on facebook this evening. I had never seen her before in my life, however she said that she had added me after reading (and enjoying) my blog. It was pretty flattering, but seriously, how fucking weird is that...? It was like mindfuckX10000.

My chosen quote for today is a line from one my favourite Radiohead songs, Subterranean Homesick Alien. The quote pretty much sums up perfectly how I feel sometimes when I'm in a particularly apathetic mood and feel alienated from pretty much everyone. Wow, I used a lot of italics today. Not sure why but I also seem to be in a very weird mood indeed. Maybe I'll be more normal tomorrow. Ah, normal. What a horrible word.

Story

2009-09-17T23:56:00.002+01:00

Quote of the Day - "I am a firm believer in choice, not fate" - Ruth Silver

09:42 I got up about half an hour ago and I feel great! I forgot how good it feels to have a proper night's sleep. I got about 8 hours! Must get ready for college now.

09:59 Just washed my hair, at last. It feels so good! All nice and soft.

22:45 Got back from taekwondo about an hour ago and I am now SO tired. Damn two hour long sessions making me want to collapse in a little heap on the floor. I think it's worth it though, I mean I get to break fucking boards! (as well as some other seriously cool shit) Plus I feel like a total ninja doing some of the more awesome moves, so I guess all the pain and deadness is worth it. Damn it, I keep getting distracted (I don't really mind though, plus I already explained this to the person doing all the distracting) and I really don't know what to write about this evening. On top of all that I have to be up at 7:30 tomorrow morning to make a 3 and half hour train journey to Bristol, (another damn open day...) so I need to go to bed soon really. The whole university situation is really getting to me, it's like everyone is trying to tell me what to do, like constantly asking what I'm going to do, when I'm going to do stuff etc. I know it's very important but I would just like to make my own damn decisions about this, I'm practically an adult now and even if I'm not in age I feel I am in maturity. It's annoying though, I can't get people to stop because I know they have good intentions and I don't want to upset them. It all has to be finished so soon as well and I don't see why the fuck it has to be. I mean I won't even start university for at least a year, how long does it take them to fucking 'process' my application? The whole thing is just stressing me out so much and as such is making me feel rather down. It'll be quite exciting to go to Bristol though, simply because I don't have anyone to go with. Not even my parents could take enough pity on me to accompany me there. This means it will be the furthest I will have ever traveled on my own, so if you don't see me around tomorrow it's because something unfortunate happened to me on my travels.

I really can't think of anything else to write, far too tired and also finding it quite hard to care about writing this right now. Sorry guys, I'll be in a better mood tomorrow I promise. I'll leave you with part one of that story I was going on about yesterday, it was written all the way back in January which feels ridiculously long ago. If enough people like it (to be honest I think if one person likes it I will be pretty pleased) then maybe I'll start posting one part of it a week. Hopefully by then I will have also written some more of it (if I can get off my own arse) so it will continue nice and smoothly. That's the plan anyway. But things rarely ever go to plan for me.

One: Beach

I had always liked Bournemouth beach. I liked the feel of the sand between my toes and I liked the soft crash of the waves against the shore. There was a small alcove to the west of the main beach, formed by the cliff face curling around a patch of sand. It was blocked off from the rest of the beach by the cliff face itself, but you could walk along the top and look down there from above. There never seemed to be anyone down there. One day I decided I would go down. The cliff wasn’t steep like other cliffs; it just sort of sloped down towards the beach. Despite this, I still managed to stumble and trip over a lot that first time. Eventually I managed to find my own path down there that I could negotiate without falling over, and I was there every day, after school. That place was special to me because no one else knew how to get down there, so I was never disturbed. It was like an escape for me.

I was a fifteen year old boy and at the time the pressures of adolescence were confusing me. I just wanted to get away. Everyone at school seemed to be pairing up with everyone else, except me. I had never really fit in there anyway. All the other kids wore fashionable clothes and listened to whatever music was in the charts at the time. I wore ‘weird’ clothes and listened to everything that wasn’t in the charts. The majority of them also managed to look good most of the time as well. I had never really thought of myself as very attractive, but it had never really bothered me until now. They had all made fun of me at first and I got quite upset by it, but after a while I just ignored them and they ignored me. Now they just avoid me instead. It feels like I don’t exist most of the time.

The only person who acknowledged me was my aunt. Her name was Sarah, and I’d lived with her in her little cottage for as long as I could remember. I’d been told my parents had died in an accident a long time ago, but I wasn’t that sad about it. I mean sure, it’s a very sad thing to have happened, but I can’t really be very attached to people who I never knew. I didn’t really know much about the rest of my family, I was an only child and my few other relatives lived far away. Still, I was grateful for Sarah, we trusted each other and she was kind to me. She didn’t really mind me being at the alcove most of the time; maybe she liked to be alone too.

I suppose the only thing I was ever really that good at in school was maths. I found a simplicity and clarity in the system of number that I could not find anywhere else. Whenever I tried to explain this to anyone, they didn’t understand. Most people think maths is unnecessarily complex and difficult, but this is far from the case. Maths has set parameters and rules which cannot be broken; everything else is random and erratic, as far as I can tell. This affinity for maths likely made me more of an outcast, but I didn’t care. I loved solving equations, and the numbers made perfect sense to me. I guess it was another form of escape for me, really. I liked escaping.

Blogging, v2.0

2009-09-16T23:43:00.000+01:00

Going to try a slightly different approach to writing this today. I shall write some now and then some more later and then maybe even more at a later point and so on. This is to try to prevent myself from finishing this thing at about half 1 in the morning and feeling dead when I wake up. Here goes...

18:19 Today has actually been pretty good so far. I went to college and had 4 lessons (all in a row as well!) but I started very early so at least I got the afternoon off. I watched Muse's performance on Jools Holland (forgot to watch it last night, damn irc distracting me...) and they were pretty good, the performance of Uprising was a bit off but they did United States of Eurasia brilliantly. Matt just looked so damn awesome screaming out the EURA-SIA! bits while playing the epic main theme on a huge white piano. I now cannot wait until November (I'm seeing them for the first time!). Also played Ratchet 3 for a couple of hours, I'm now blitzing through challenge mode and should be done with the game soon.

My sleep pattern has gotten so retarded this week, it's ridiculous. I'm getting about 5 hours sleep each night, at first it didn't really affect me but now I am finding it increasingly hard to stay awake during the day. Hopefully my new plan of not staying on irc forever (and writing my blog earlier) will mean I'll stop slipping into unconsciousness all the time. I don't really want to cut back on irc, but I feel I absolutely have to in order to get anything in my life done ever. This is for two reasons, the first and most obvious one is that if I am spending a lot of time doing irc I won't have much time for anything else. The second reason is that if I am on irc for the ridiculous hours that I am currently I am too tired to do anything else. Sorry for going on like that, I suppose it's quite boring to read but I have been thinking about it a lot (what with it beginning to affect me so much).

My hair is really gross today, this is because I didn't have enough time to do it in the morning (what with me oversleeping by half an hour - once again my sleeping habits are at fault). Not only did I not have enough time to sort it out so it looked nice, I also haven't washed it for four days now. I wanted to this morning, but (surprisingly...) I didn't have enough time. I'll do it tomorrow, I don't have to go into college until quite late. At college no one seemed to care about it anyway (but then again why would they?). Another thing that happened at college today (and this is really fucking weird but so awesome at the same time) is that someone actually came up to me and told me how much they liked my blog. I didn't even know that said person read it! This is ridiculous, my musings are surely not that good? It's odd, within just over a week of starting this thing I have unwillingly created a small (but growing) fanbase for myself. I'm not really sure what to think of this. Is it good that people enjoy the stuff I talk about on here? I mean, some of it is pretty fucking odd (well that's how it seems to me anyway). Anyway I would like to say a big thanks to anyone who reads this, you guys have exceeded my expectations (I didn't think I'd get any followers when I started). This is also post number ten and I feel that is a bit of a personal milestone (I know it's not that much, but I didn't think I'd keep going with this for that long. Also FUCK YEAH DOUBLE FIGURES).

I should probably stop right now, I have a growing mountain of homework that I keep neglecting. I'll continue this later.

22:37 I am very very very happy. I got through so much maths homework this evening, I am very proud of myself for suddenly being so productive. It's not even due in tomorrow as well, why am I suddenly loads more organised! It's ridiculous. BUT. That is not the only reason I am happy. Over the past few days I have developed a very real connection with someone. She will always listen to me (no matter how weird I'm being) and she is always concerned if there's something up. We can literally talk about anything together and not get bored, it's so awesome. I know these things might not seem that massive, but to me it's very comforting to know that I have someone like that to talk to. I rarely do either, so it's quite a nice change for me. I would just like to say thank you to said person, you have helped me in so many ways.

I listened to Modest Mouse a lot today. I must've listened to that one album I have at least 5 times in a row earlier, but it is justified excessive listening because the album is SO DAMN GOOD. I also listened to The Beatles quite a lot (I put Please Please Me onto the computer and went through the other two albums again) and surprise, they are still just as awesome as before. I have been listening to various Muse songs on shuffle for the past couple of hours, I'm really getting back into them what with the release of their new album and all. I also really like The Resistance now, some of the tracks are stupendously good. I don't hate any of them anymore either, which is good. I have also gotten Lucy into Neutral Milk Hotel which is awesome, they are one of my favourite bands. I owed her a musical favour anyway what with Modest Mouse, so now we're even.

My mother has been doing me a few favours (really useful ones as well) in the last couple of days, which is surprisingly uncharacteristic of her. Yesterday she sorted out my duvet so that the cover (I took the cover off in summer as I didn't want the duvet itself, it was too warm. I was then obviously too lazy to put it back on when it got colder again) was back on and so that it didn't look like I had stabbed someone in my bed anymore. She also gave me a pinboard yesterday with like a million pins in it. It's so good, I've always wanted one of those things so I can just pin random shit onto my wall. Speak of the devil, she just came in the room and started obsessing over all the random junk that she thinks should be tidied away or given to my brothers or other meaningless things. She also took away most of my lego today. It's a relief to have a bit more space, but I was quite sad to see it go. I like my random junk! I don't want my room to be tidy, it's fine the way it is. I don't see her logic anyway as I'll be leaving home in a years time, a year more of living in a not very tidy room isn't going to make much difference surely? I will actually be quite sad to leave my room, in the however many years I've lived in it I have made it my own. It's a bit heartbreaking to think of it being used as a spare room or whatever once I'm gone...

Something I have been thinking about a lot since I started this thing is my story that I started writing earlier this year. Many of you will not be familiar (if any) with it, so I will give you a brief overview. I had a really weird but awesome dream (it was also very long and had the essence of a plot and everything) sometime around the beginning of this year and it was so good I decided I'd write it down (just so I could remember it later). Pretty soon this turned into me starting a story based on it, although not entirely the same, a lot of the key details were missing from the dream (such as names for the characters) and the plot was very vague. As a result the more of it I wrote the more I started having to make up rather than use the dream as a solid template. This only made the experience all the more rewarding and fun though, so I kept writing it in short instalments all the way up until May, when I decided to stop to concentrate on exams. Over summer I was too unmotivated to do anything about it so it just sat there unfinished for ages. I tried to start writing it again but it was too hard when I did as I hadn't actually written anything for several months. However, since I started this blog it's like my writing gears and cogs (and my creative levers and pulleys) are slowly whirring back into action after lying dormant for so long. I feel like my brain is gradually getting back into the rhythm of writing, which is great, after all it is one of my favourite things to do. So, this is the question: Should I have a crack at starting the story again? Or should I just leave it to rest, forever unfinished? Okay so that's two questions, but I'd still love to hear your thoughts on the matter. If I did keep it going I would post all of the old parts of it onto here, of which there are currently 7. If you would like me to do this please don't hesitate to ask, it's nice to find someone who is actually interested in my writing.

Another question I would like to ask you guys is: Do you like the new blog format? I know it's not that different, but it somehow feels better to write it in parts at different times of the day. Your opinions on the matter would be very much appreciated.

...and so concludes my 10th post. Sorry it was so damn long/disjointed.

WONGA

2009-09-16T01:23:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Day - 'If it takes shit to make bliss then I feel pretty blissfully' - Modest Mouse

I should really start these things earlier on in the evening, its currently 8 minutes past midnight and I have to be up in less than 7 hours. Fuck fuck fuck. I also decided I should probably cut down on my usage of the computer as well... As it is I spend way too much time on it and end up with nowhere near enough sleep. Thinking about it, I don't really see what the point is of the vast majority of stuff I do on the computer anyway. Thinking about this today made me feel pretty low, what with my current day to day life just consisting of get up/college/go home/sit on computer for hours/get minimal sleep. I thought about things far too much today, it wasn't very good. Part of the problem was that I had nothing to distract me in the several hours between getting home from college and dinner. That's a lie actually, I had several things with which to distract myself but they all grew boring pretty quickly. I should really have done something productive (i.e. HOMEWORK MOUNTAIN) but I didn't. I suppose I just need a bit of time to get back into the swing of things after the summer break. From now on, I will be cutting back on my internet usage (or at least trying to) and mostly using it for the things I really care about. I say this, and yet I am still here. Oh well, never mind.

In less shitty news, I have made a new friend recently. Her name is Lucy, but she likes to be called WONGA (if you don't know what WONGA is watch this) or Nev and she is also a cranbauxer. She is really into pokémon like me and is a total artist (which I am impressed by, I have always wanted to be good at art but have never had the perseverance or skill). She sent me about a million of her drawings, paintings and the like over msn, some of them are very good indeed. She seems to have a very active imagination too, a lot of the pictures were of pokémon she had invented. They weren't really shitty pokémon either, they were awesome and I really liked them. We are going to invent some pokémon together, we decided. I am very excited about this, as you can probably imagine. She is also older than me (only slightly though) so it makes me happy that there are people out there who are also pokémon obsessives but probably shouldn't be (as they are too old). Nev also showed me bits of her room via webcam, she has a hell of a lot of animal bones (including an entire fox skeleton). She also keeps several live animals, including giant land snails, which are fairly awesome. I liked her room a lot, I was even a bit jealous. Mine sucks in comparison. I also like her quite a lot, she's weird, but that's just the way I like people. She doesn't react negatively to me being weird, which is pretty nice.

On a related note (related to animal bones) Louis had a whole box of fucking animal skulls in college yesterday. No really. They're for art (apparently). This also reminds me, I'm supposed to advertise his and Adam's webcomic, which is also up here on blogspot. I told him I would several days ago, my short term memory must be very poor. Here it is: Something Standard. It's pretty weird, but not as much so as I am. So if you enjoy my blog you're likely to enjoy the comic. I find them pretty damn funny, if I'm honest.

Had a nice little chat with thizzley about what we will do when we grow up. Not going to go into it here, but suffice to say it made me happy. She was the highlight of my day yet again, bless her. I don't really know why, but it was just really comforting talking to her. It made me feel a lot better despite me being stuck in a load of crap right now in my life. All this shit in my life is just moving so fast right now, I feel quite lost. She helps me to forget about it all, if only for a while. I'm so grateful for her.

I am currently listening to Modest Mouse. They are one of those bands I have always wanted to get into but never really bothered. I torrented their album Good News For People Who Love Bad News today with instruction from Nev, so thanks to her because it is a truly great album. I would recommend it to anyone who hasn't already got it, it's so good. I am also seeing District 9 with Matt on Sunday, which I am very excited about. A few people I know have seen it already and they say it's really good, so I can't wait!

Really tired now, no idea how this took over an hour to write. See y'all (sorry thizzley) tomorrow!

NUMERO EIGHTO

2009-09-15T01:48:00.001+01:00

Okay, this post will be short as I really can't be bothered this evening and it is already REALLY LATE. Also, as this is my eighth post (corr, that's a lot already!) old posts will start disappearing from my home page. This is because the default number of posts displayed on a blogspot page is 7, so if you want to read my older posts (I don't know why would you would personally, but here you are...) just locate them within the archives.

I have come to hate Mondays with a passion. Last year they were bad enough (5 lessons in a row) but this year they're just taking the piss. I have periods 1 and 2 in the morning (meaning 8:30am start!) and then a gap of about 3 hours (comprised of 2 free periods and lunch break) followed by double fucking physics in the last two periods of the day (over 2 hours of solid physics theory hurts my brain...). This means I am in college in the hours 8:30-16:20, which is the most I could possibly be in college for in one day. IT'S NOT FAIR. Towards the end of lunch I was so fucking tired and bored that I ended up daydreaming, something not that uncommon to me. I was sitting amongst my friends outside and they were all in conversation but I wasn't really paying attention. I had Coffee & TV by Blur playing in one ear very loudly and I just got lost in the music. It's such a powerful song, I could go into all the awesome things about it here and now but it would probably bore the crap out of you, so I won't. I decided it is probably my favourite song of all time though, I just love getting lost in all the distorted guitars and blurred lyrics.

While I listened I daydreamed, specifically about one person in particular (guess who). I sat there in the grass and thought wistfully about how I wished I could be talking to her rather than stuck at college for another 3 or so hours. How pathetic of me, I think to myself about 12 hours later as I am sat typing. Oh well, I don't CARE. When I got home I felt midly depressed and really tired for the rest of the afternoon/early evening, but never mind. At least I managed to complete Ratchet 3! (although I was falling asleep playing it. This was at about 7:30pm, what the fuck). I'm currently playing through it again in Challenge Mode (same game only harder and you have access to more stuff, becomes available after you complete main game) and it is still ridiculous fun. Later on in the evening, my wishes were fulfilled! I have now been talking to thizzley for several hours straight and it has been AWESOME. She is the shit, seriously. In our eventual house we will have a room that is just filled with towels and socks, it shall be called "Jizzley's and Cuntfish's den". Jizzley is my nickname for her, in case I didn't tell you before. I should probably point out that these socks and towels will be clean (should be obvious...) laundry and will therefore be very warm and nice smelling. This is a very important detail.

I shall end this one in a rather impromptu fashion by saying to you:
I DON'T WANT TO BE WRITING THIS. THE END. (not my idea, believe me)

Want a go on my horn?

2009-09-14T01:24:00.002+01:00

Today was pretty much AWESOME. This is for a few reasons.

1. I spent a very long time talking to thizzley (I still am!)

Possibly the happiest thing about today was the fact that as soon as I woke up, there she was on irc. I talked to her all morning (morning only lasted about an hour after I woke up anyway) and then all the way through the afternoon until 3pm, so about 4 hours. She is so awesome and nice, I love talking to her. She actually stayed up all the way until 7am just talking to me! I was very, VERY flattered. We also did quite a lot of drawings and most of them were absolutely shit (what did you expect...) but I did save three of the better ones. I'm sure she won't mind so here they are:

This one was actually done entirely by her (so it is of course also the best one...). I should probably explain here that my nickname on irc is corpish (long story...) and this in itself is based on the pokémon Corphish (more on pokémon later, yes I am a complete pokémon nerd...). Anyway, thizzley likes to affectionately call me cuntfish (she says it is both hilarious and cute at the same time. I'm kind of inclined to agree with her). I absolutely love the picture and was extremely flattered when she unveiled it to me. It's so awesome! The second picture I shall show you is:

This is of course what the title of this particular post is taken from. As you may have already picked up, thizzley and I are pretty childish (screw that, we're VERY childish) and this is basically that side of us in it's full form. Thizzley started out drawing a horse and then putting a really big horn on it. There wasn't anything indecent about it until I intervened (oh yeah) and wrote the said caption on the picture. I then decided it's tail would look better on fire, so we both came to the conclusion that it is clearly a Rapidash (more damn pokémon...). A very horny one too, by the looks of things. Third picture:

There's a lot going on in this one, it's basically an amalgamation of loads of shit we were coming up with off the top of our heads. There was a lot of this stuff being drawn, I just felt like saving this one. Probably because of the amount of detail and time we put into it, I suppose. There are several references to the game Dino Run in here, kudos if you already spotted them, I'm impressed. Dino Run is a game where you basically control a small dinosaur and have him run away from things in order to survive. It's ridiculous fun and I played it a lot with my friend Matt about two years ago. What was good about it was that when we started playing it was very new, so we were pretty much the only players in the online game and had it all to ourselves. I stopped about a month later because loads of little kids started playing and they just got on my nerves too much in the end. It's weird, although I stopped playing almost two years ago Dino Run keeps coming back into my life and affecting it in some way. It sounds ridiculous but think about thizzley, for example. If it weren't for both of us being Dino Run veterans we wouldn't know each other, and that would be pretty shit. She has affected my life somewhat, so there's the proof. N.B. I made the last picture bigger so that you can see the details better.

2. The new pokémon games were released in Japan this weekend
Keep meaning to mention this, but I am getting silly with excitement over the two new pokémon games. In case you didn't know, they are called HeartGold and SoulSilver. They are remakes of the old games Gold and Silver, which are still my two favourite pokémon games anyway. They were released in Japan on Saturday and as such there is a hell of a lot of information emerging on the internet about them. They look absolutely awesome, but I won't spend ages writing about them (it'd make for very boring reading anyway). Instead, I will direct you to http://serebii.net/index2.shtml where they are holding a rather extensive coverage of the games.

3. I went to Owen's house and got a bunch of other Beatles albums
I also went to see Owen in the evening and we played a game of Warbands (a variant on Warhammer) which was fun as I had never played before. I lost, but I wasn't really expecting to win. He also gave me 5 Beatles albums to borrow! I now have in my possession Please Please Me, Let it Be... Naked, Rubber Soul, Magical Mystery Tour and Help!. I think it will be the most amount of music to be put onto my computer legally for a long time.

I played pokémon this morning for the first time in a while for a simple reason. TO CATCH A CORPHISH. I actually ended up catching two, I nicknamed one corpish (in memory of the awesomeness of cranbaux) and the other cuntfish (for thizzley). I also attempted some maths homework but I couldn't do it... oh well, I shall take the consequences tomorrow I expect. I went to Taekwondo as well which was fun but tiring as usual. In other news, I have to be up at 7am tomorrow and it is currently 1:17am. It's not looking so good for me...

Love is the only thing that keeps me sane

2009-09-13T01:11:00.003+01:00

Quote of the Day - 'To lead a better life... I need my love to be here' - The Beatles

First off, I'd like to apologise for the total depress-fest yesterday. Just because I'm having some problems with myself, doesn't mean you should have to hear all about them. I needed to get it out of my system though, and actually writing about it helped me to understand my thoughts better. Moving right along...

I went to visit Birmingham university today with my mother. It was pretty nice, I was impressed with it quite a lot. I didn't like the campus that much though, there were too many tall buildings and you get the feeling of being trapped, which obviously isn't nice. Although, once you moved away from the main part of the campus it wasn't actually that bad, a lot quieter and less huge. The chemical engineering department was also very impressive, which is obviously good for me personally. Maybe I shall apply there, I don't really know right now. The journey was hell, both there and back... it took at least 4 hours either way and we had to get 4 trains on the way there, 5 on the way back. FIVE TRAINS. WHAT THE FUCK. On the way there I decided to listen to albums all the way through, I don't know why but I like just listening to a good album all the way through. I listened to (in order):
Muse - The Resistance
The Beatles - Revolver
The Beatles - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band
Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
The Strokes - Is This It

It was a good day for listening to music. The Resistance is definitely growing on me, which is good (obviously). I still have a few issues with some of the tracks, but it's getting better the more I listen to it. As you can probably tell, I'm still totally hooked on The Beatles, they're just amazing. Must find more albums by them soon. The other two albums I listened to are kind of old favourites of mine and they are in general two of my favourite albums to listen to.

What with both journeys taking an age, I spent a lot of time just looking out the window thinking. I have come the conclusion quite a long time ago that I think way too fucking much about everything. I thought about everything I was thinking about yesterday, although this time I suppose it was from a retrospective angle, as I didn't like break down on the train or anything. As I watched all the sullen estates, dilapidated buildings and disused parks go past I couldn't help thinking to myself "what's the point?". Not like yesterday, when I was merely questioning myself. What I meant by this question is "what's the point in anything?". I became pretty apathetic again and I think my mother noticed a couple of times because she kept asking if I was alright. I just said I was thinking. Which is actually entirely true.

When I got in I basically collapsed on the sofa, I was so fucking tired. Remind me not to make that journey again for a while. Have been on my computer for the last few hours, but it hasn't been entirely unproductive. I had a little acoustic jam and sung some songs until my mother spoilt it and made me stop (she sucks). I did however learn Here, There and Everywhere which I am pretty pleased about. It's a really stripped back love song, quite slow and warm. It's not really lovey-dovey romantic or anything like that, (I don't usually like stuff like that anyway) it's just a nice honest account of someone's feelings for another. There is also a deep longing within the lyrics which I feel I can relate to (I particularly like the opening line: "To lead a better life... I need my love to be here."). The narrative (it's sung in first person) also seems to me to be written through the eyes of a naive teenager, maintaining that fantasy of a perfect love ("Each one believing that love never dies..."). I can also relate to this.

I had a nosebleed earlier, it was so sudden and actually quite painful. Blood dripped all over the duvet (for you silly Americans, you pronounce it DOOVAY) so now it looks like I've stabbed someone in my bed. Other than that, I actually seem to be feeling quite a bit better. This is pretty much all down to one person and I would like to just extend my thanks to this person, you are wonderful. They should know who they are.

I don't even fucking know anymore

2009-09-12T00:29:00.001+01:00

Okay, so today was alright right up until college finished. Oddly enough, college was probably the best part of today. When I got home I slipped into a state where I gradually got more and more apathetic until I just didn't care or feel. I swear, I'm so fucking pathetic sometimes. Got thinking a lot about love, which is always a bad idea when you're me. I ended up feeling so lonely (I should probably explain here that I have been single for almost a year now and barely ever have anything resembling a relationship ever. That's pretty shit when you're 17) and I thought some fairly horrible things. Firstly, I came to the conclusion that if I have known anyone long enough in person (and this doesn't usually have to be very long) then I will be too scared to even consider being in a relationship with them. It doesn't even matter who the fuck they are either, it applies to everyone as far as I can tell (guys are obviously irrevelant as I am not gay). This is clearly very depressing because it means that I can essentially only be in a relationship with someone if I develop some kind of feelings for them very soon after I meet them. This is obviously very difficult to pull off and extremely unlikely to happen, which explains why my only two relationships that I've ever had have started with me getting to know them not in person first (i.e. over the internet etc.). Now, this is not something I am very proud of and I am aware that it is generally frowned upon by society, but I don't fucking know what I am supposed to do about it. Obviously approaching relationships in this way brings up a whole host of new problems so that's just great. None of the above should actually matter anyway, because no girl in their right mind would want me. Which brings me onto point two.

I seem to have been born with the complete wrong personality for any of this relationship shit. First off, I'm really fucking weird. People don't say it because people are too polite but I often get the distinct impression that people are looking at me like "what the fuck is up with that guy?". I notice this a lot more with girls (for obvious reasons) but I notice it with a lot of people, both male and female. I should probably explain at this point that by people I mean my peers (not really my friends, more all the people similar my age). I have a very introspective personality as well (you probably already noticed) which doesn't help, I get so fucking caught up in myself. Girls probably just think I'm some kind of depressed twat. I'm not, I'm just different. I don't seem to be able to handle any of this shit either, I just get too agitated/nervous/scared/whatever you want to use. This links back to what I was saying earlier. I have no idea why I am like this, but its fucking stupid. It seems like I'm expected to know what I'm doing now, it's like "hey Harry, you're 17 now, you MUST have had a ton of relationship experience, we're sure you can cope, we'll just leave you to it" when in actual fact I've hardly had any experience, all I've had is two relationships which both fizzled out within weeks. I've gone as far as light petting (what a strange term), for fuck sake. Which is even more depressing because it seems like everyone has got to the "you MUST have had a ton of relationship experience..." stage as a bare minimum.

THIRDLY. What the fuck is the point of love anyway? The way I see it, love is just something two people do (for lack of a better word) when they like each other a lot. It never lasts anyway, "love" is only a temporary thing. Someone always throws it back into your face, or something happens which means it all turns to shit. Love isn't worth it and is probably the single most overrated piece of shit ever. Also, why the fuck do people have to make it so complicated? I don't see why humans have to act in this way, it makes no sense. Nothing even matters anyway, everything is temporary, we aren't even specks on the surface of anything we're so fucking small. So why should I care about any of this? I don't even know anymore. I know that I think these things, but I also know that I really want to be loved. So much it hurts. I also have so much to give. Sure, I'm pretty different, but underneath all of this shit that I have described I have a hell of a lot of love. It just needs someone to go to. It seems like that doesn't make any difference though.

I can't believe it's not a blog post!

2009-09-11T00:43:00.005+01:00

Sorry for the shit title, couldn't think of anything better off the top of my head. Also this post is likely to be quite short, can't be bothered to write loads today.

First proper day back at college today. I'm not going to write about it too much, as it was predictably crap (but at least I got to see everyone again I suppose). I can't wait until I leave and go to uni, it's going to be so good! I will share one little anecdote with you about college today though. My form tutor Chris (a bit of a twat) gave out our new ID cards today. They have our college photos on them and mine is literally the worst piece of shit photo you have ever seen. Now, because my last name is Atkinson, I'm at the top of the register (and have been for like, ever). This means of course that my card (along with my fucking ugly picture) is on top of the pile. So Chris starts going on about our ID cards for at least ten minutes (it was totally unnecessary) all the while waving my stupid picture around so that everyone could see it. He then has the nerve to tell us that "he doesn't want to embarrass anyone" and so he will now "give out our cards individually". What a fucking joke! I'm not sure if he realised what it was that he did, he's pretty retarded. But still!

So that was a bad start to an overall fairly shit day. Spent the afternoon listening to The Beatles again (I can't stop) and I decided to give the new Muse album another chance too. I think it's growing on me, although I still think that Guiding Light is terrible. That's the only track I can't bear to listen to now though, so who knows? I also put on that Undertones album I was talking about yesterday. They're pretty good, a kind of proto-pop/punk band (that's a bit of a mouthful, isn't it?). They sing about things like obsessing over girls, calling them up, going round their houses etc. and just general teen euphoria. They seem to be very relevant to my life at the moment.

Spent hours of my evening talking to thizzley (amongst others, but mostly her) on irc. I blame her mostly for the fact that I only finished my physics homework (due in tomorrow) about ten minutes ago. Oh well, it was totally worth it. She's lovely. One day I shall go and see her and we will swim in tea (don't question it) and it will be spiffing and excellent. Physics homework was very confusing. I had to read a bunch of pages from an A2 book they gave us. I don't like the A2 course so far, it seems very hard. I hardly understood any of it, worst of all I am unlikely to even remember any of it tomorrow. I don't know why they bother setting homework which is just reading something. I never learn anything that way. Silly fools.

Also spent a considerable amount of time talking/webcamming to my awesome friend Amy. We both wore our chullos (mine's borrowed, but I will soon get my own. I am determined) and it was EPIC. I am also seeing her in London (she lives over there) soon which is VERY EXCITING. Because I am so kind, I shall show you a picture of a chullo (in case you didn't know what it was, I didn't know they were called chullos until really recently anyway). This is a chullo:
They are seriously the best hats. So warm! I put it on so that it was covering up my face (Amy did it first...) and it was even warmer, but I found it quite difficult to breathe. I also discovered that it is very hard to sing while wearing it in this way (we both had our guitars out and were playing various tunes). It just kind of comes out as a load of incomprehensible mumbles, which is obviously not very practical for performance purposes.

I shall stop here as I am tired and I have college again tomorrow (boohiss). I will also try to remember to give back my friend's chullo (I was supposed to today). I shall miss it, but I am afraid that I just have to let go...

The Resistance

2009-09-10T01:18:00.000+01:00

So, it finally happened. I got my hands on the entire new Muse album, and only 5 days early as well! Bear in mind that this was probably the thing I was looking forward to the most this year (way back in January!) and you can see why I am a bit (!!) excited about it. However I have only listened to it once all the way through so far, sadly I suspect I am growing rather tired of Muse. It's their own fault really, they shouldn't have released it in little bits before the proper release. I've listened to Uprising and United States of Eurasia almost 50 times each now, so maybe you can see why I wouldn't want to listen to them much more at the moment. I don't think its fair to judge an album I've only listened to once all the way through, however I am a little bit disappointed with it. It seems to me like this album was hyped up way too much, so I expected a ridiculously bombastic return to form, akin to Origin of Symmetry (their second, and best album). However what I find in this album is a collection of songs not only inconsistent in quality (some of the songs are brilliant, however a couple of them are quite flat) but they don't even seem to fit together.

Matt seems to have gone off in a million different directions while writing it, and as a result the album is a bit of a pain to listen to in full. I hope it grows on me, I'd hate to have my most looked forward thing of this year taken away from me. Don't get me wrong, some of the songs are fucking brilliant (maybe even some of the best they've ever done) but this album just doesn't feel like a proper album. It's hard to explain, listen to it yourself and see. Anyway, I'm gonna stop going on about that for now, although I'm sure Muse will be cropping up all over this blog in the future.

Onwards and upwards! Having decided I was tired of Muse, I decided to look downstairs for some of my parent's old albums (their taste is surprisingly good). I picked up a couple of Beatles albums (I would later discover that these were the only Beatles albums we own on CD - this made me quite sad). I also got Different Class by Pulp and an Undertones Greatest Hits compilation type thing (I really like Teenage Kicks so I was curious). What a discovery with The Beatles! I know they were one of the biggest bands ever and everything but I've never bothered with listening to them. Until now!

I put Revolver on first (we only have that and Sgt. Pepper). Bloody hell, what an amazing album! Listened to that several times on repeat before putting Sgt. Pepper on. What a great album that is too! I don't want to sound like some kind of advert for The Beatles (I doubt they'd need it anyway) but my mind has literally been blown today by both of those albums. If you haven't listened to them then YOU NEED TO. Will put on the other two albums I raided today tomorrow probably. Oh yeah, if thizzley (my bffamerican Elisa, you pronounce it eeleesuh) reads that last paragraph she probably won't give a shit, she specifically said earlier she doesn't give shits about The Beatles. So thizzley, if you're reading this, FUCK YOU.

Other than my musical epiphany, today was fairly dire. Spent way too much time doing homework and other crap. Babysat a couple of my brother's friends in the evening. Very nice family, albeit slightly weird (but hey, who isn't these days?) and also THEY GAVE ME MONEY. For someone as regularly skint as me this is very exciting indeed! I'm going to stop now as I am very tired and have to go back to college tomorrow, it's the first proper day back. I'm dreading it.

Holy crap, followers!

2009-09-09T00:34:00.001+01:00

Was planning on doing this one on the same day as the first, but only just missed out. Oops. Anyway, I find myself with two followers already, after only a day of blogging! If you don't know them already (and I doubt you will), it gives me great pleasure to introduce my pals George and Nikki! George does taekwondo with me and is quite awesome, so I was fairly pleased when I saw his name pop up on my follower's list. I haven't spoken to Nikki for ages so that was also quite a surprise, but a good one! Her blog is also up on here somewhere, if you're interested.

Today was a rather dull day. The weather was great but I couldn't go out due to my evil college giving me piles and piles of work (which naturally still aren't finished). It should be illegal to give young people this much work, especially during summer, we need our time to go out and get excessively drunk! It is an important part of our growing up experience.

Had to make a pendulum for a physics experiment (won't go into it, it was dead boring), so I went to the shop to get some string and blu tac. That was essentially the only time I went out all day. I am surprised I haven't gone insane yet, that is what usually happens on days like this where I stay in the whole time. I did have some new music to keep my spirits up a bit today though. I managed to get my hands on two more of the new Muse songs from their fifth album, due to be released Monday. They are called Undisclosed Desires and Resistance. The latter is the title track and sounds quite similar to their early stuff, I was a bit disappointed at first as it sounded a bit bland. However I think it is growing on me. Undisclosed Desires, on the other hand, sounds fantastic! It sounds completely different, not like them at all (it even has slap bass!). I think that's good though, I like it when bands stretch themselves. They're both love songs as far as I can tell, this is looking like a very romantic album so far. This is also an unmuse like thing. Perhaps they are getting old.

I also played the PS2 for a bit (though probably shouldn't have). I am currently playing through Ratchet & Clank 3 again, I love those games. Annoyingly the game hadn't saved from when I had last saved it, for some reason. This meant having to play through a couple of levels I had already done. Got some pretty nifty new guns though, which I am fairly happy about. Spent the evening lounging around doing absolutely nothing, I should have done something more productive. Tomorrow is the last day I have left to do work in, it's going to be hell. Have been on irc for the past couple of hours, in my favourite channel #cranbaux. The people there really are awesome. However they keep me up for ages (they're all Americans) so irc plays havoc with my sleep pattern. Still, I feel it is worth it. I hope they see this, I love those guys.

Anyway, that was a fairly long post but I don't think I can be bothered to write any more. Might play Ratchet 3 later providing I'm not too exhausted. Babysitting tomorrow. I could do with the money.

The First One

2009-09-08T12:28:00.000+01:00

Hello and welcome to the first post of what will undoubtedly be a spectacular blog! Hmm, I doubt it. I'll be happy if I get one fan (that'd be nice, wouldn't it?). I can't really be bothered with writing a great big introduction all about me and my personality (it's how I imagine these things start). I'm hoping bits of that will come out as the blog proceeds.

I was listening to Oasis earlier, it was pretty uncharacteristic for me. I suppose I can endure them on rare occasions (the news about them splitting was actually fairly amusing, I thought). I have a mountain of work to do today in preparation for college starting again on Thursday (boo!), so I should probably stop this for now... There might be another post later today. Maybe.

It all goes downhill from here on in...