What? So many fears and anxieties all spiralling round and round, I can't fucking think straight. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I wish things were different.
A lonely boy walks through a dark wood, the hostile trees closing in on him as pressure builds in his heart and he stumbles. He shivers and shuffles onwards, the arctic wind biting at his pale skin. Something moves in the far distance and he loses all sense of feeling in his legs, falling to the icy ground. He doesn't even cry out, his voice lost with his consciousness. After several moments, the boy gets up again and continues on his course without hesitation. "I must carry on" he grimly tells himself.
The boy is not very tall, or wide. In fact, if you did not look closely you might say that he was a frail and sallow child. But if you were to look closely you would see that there was a wisdom and sadness beyond those pale blue eyes that suggested far more than his figure. He doesn't stop, there is an urgency to his walking despite the bitter cold slowing him down. His thoughts race, spiralling round and round in an endless staircase, each step a bullet through his heart. The darkness closes in on him, suffocating him of energy. He nearly falls again, his vision blurry. He regains balance, his own determination keeping him going.
At last, he finds it! It is a place which he has never seen before, but he knows it. He knows it because it is a place which he has been looking for his whole life, although he didn't realise it. It looks just like the rest of the forest...
There is a girl, standing amongst the trees. Her shimmering hair flows down in beautiful contrast to the stark trees, a faint glow emanating from her perfect skin. She is looking the other way and so doesn't notice the boy nervously approach her. He stops.
"I love you"
The girl inclines her head slightly, as if noticing a change in the wind. She turns fully and looks straight through the boy, her clear green eyes unseeing.
"What?"
She shakes her head and turns back to the trees.
The boy collapses.
Just trying out a bit of creative writing, based on a trail of random thoughts and ideas. This is the first I've done for several months, so it's probably shit. You can decide.
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Monday, 28 September 2009
Sunday, 27 September 2009
graaaaaarrrrrrgh
Wow, what a shitty day. My family abandons me this morning, which should be a good thing right? Wrong. I have a mountain of homework to do (obviously) and my teachers are so nice they have set all of it for Monday. What the FUCK. I went into town today with Matt to buy Tom a present for his birthday (if you're reading Matt, this was actually the only good part of my day) and when I came back I got straight to work. Got some done (there's still a ton left) but I had to stop because I wanted to go to taekwondo today. It's pretty far away on Sundays, normally this isn't a big deal, my parents just drive me there. Today however they weren't here so I had to take the bus. I knew it was going to take a long time to get there by bus, so I made a note of the bus timetable earlier in the day. I got to the bus stop a few minutes earlier than when my bus was supposed to arrive, only to find that it had already left. Why do they even both making a timetable for these things if they aren't even going to follow it?! Anyway, the next bus that would be on the route I wanted wasn't due for ages (although what significance does that even hold?) but there was a different one due in a few minutes. I looked at the bus routes to find that this one was a very similar route, so I thought I may as well get on that one and see what happens. I eventually realised that after a point it was just getting further and further away from where I wanted to go, so I got off at a random stop in the middle of Idon'tfuckingknowwhere. I managed to find the place just in time by walking around, but I was very lucky I think.
Obviously when the class finished I needed to take the bus back, but I then found out that the next bus wasn't for half an hour... I started walking, not knowing what else to do. I rang my parents to see where they were, but they wouldn't be back for a while yet, so I was on my own. I didn't really know where I was going, but I just kept walking in what I thought was the right direction. I didn't know what else to do. It didn't help that all of the roads around there looked exactly the same, plus the fact it was dark by then. My parents eventually called about 40 minutes later to say they were back and that they could pick me up. By then I was on the verge of giving up. I was already exhausted from taekwondo, I'd been walking for 40 minutes on top of that. Then there's also the fact that I hadn't eaten anything for several hours. I also hadn't a fucking clue where the fuck I was. When I saw my parents again eventually they had the nerve to say I was lucky (lucky?!) because they had stopped me from having to walk the whole way on my own. To be honest, I doubt I would have found home anyway. I might have done, but only after a very long time. I also knew that as soon as I got back I would have to do all of the rest of my work. I suppose I should do that now then...
Obviously when the class finished I needed to take the bus back, but I then found out that the next bus wasn't for half an hour... I started walking, not knowing what else to do. I rang my parents to see where they were, but they wouldn't be back for a while yet, so I was on my own. I didn't really know where I was going, but I just kept walking in what I thought was the right direction. I didn't know what else to do. It didn't help that all of the roads around there looked exactly the same, plus the fact it was dark by then. My parents eventually called about 40 minutes later to say they were back and that they could pick me up. By then I was on the verge of giving up. I was already exhausted from taekwondo, I'd been walking for 40 minutes on top of that. Then there's also the fact that I hadn't eaten anything for several hours. I also hadn't a fucking clue where the fuck I was. When I saw my parents again eventually they had the nerve to say I was lucky (lucky?!) because they had stopped me from having to walk the whole way on my own. To be honest, I doubt I would have found home anyway. I might have done, but only after a very long time. I also knew that as soon as I got back I would have to do all of the rest of my work. I suppose I should do that now then...
Saturday, 26 September 2009
And if you complain, once more...
...you'll meet an army of me. Don't really want to write today, too ill/tired/ill/tired/ill. Björk is AMAZING and Elisa is even more so and oh wow I love her a lot. I have nothing else to say really.
Friday, 25 September 2009
>insert blog post here<
Quote of the Day - "There's definitely no logic, in human behaviour" - Björk
15:51 I feel really shit today for a number of reasons. Not sure if there will be more blog later, right now I don't really care.
23:09 Matthew came round today, so all was not lost! We did some painting, it was pretty fun. It sounds pretty lame, but it feels quite special for me personally that I am a major part of his first steps into the world of Warhammer. Today was the first time he had ever had a go at painting any Warhammer and he didn't too badly at all! It reminded me of the first time I attempted to paint Warhammer and what an abysmal failure I was. I was pretty damn proud of myself at the time but looking back, I was a rubbish painter (still, this was several years ago now). I actually think I'm rather good now, I have moved on a lot from those early days and can actually make my models look good, given enough time. It was cool to be able to put myself into Matt's shoes and help him through his first painting attempt. I also got into Björk today, put her first album on the computer. It's so good! Listening to it cheered me up a bit, so it must be very good indeed. I still feel a bit rubbish though, so I will go now. I miss her so much.
15:51 I feel really shit today for a number of reasons. Not sure if there will be more blog later, right now I don't really care.
23:09 Matthew came round today, so all was not lost! We did some painting, it was pretty fun. It sounds pretty lame, but it feels quite special for me personally that I am a major part of his first steps into the world of Warhammer. Today was the first time he had ever had a go at painting any Warhammer and he didn't too badly at all! It reminded me of the first time I attempted to paint Warhammer and what an abysmal failure I was. I was pretty damn proud of myself at the time but looking back, I was a rubbish painter (still, this was several years ago now). I actually think I'm rather good now, I have moved on a lot from those early days and can actually make my models look good, given enough time. It was cool to be able to put myself into Matt's shoes and help him through his first painting attempt. I also got into Björk today, put her first album on the computer. It's so good! Listening to it cheered me up a bit, so it must be very good indeed. I still feel a bit rubbish though, so I will go now. I miss her so much.
Story 3
What a wonderful feeling it is to be in love. Can't be bothered with proper post today, sorry (taekwondo tonight is making me feel a particularly special kind of dead). You'll have to put up with the next part of the story, I'm afraid beggers can't be choosers in this business. I will say one thing though and it is this: it is getting fucking odder and odder with the people coming up to me and telling me about my blog. More people do it now, they just come up to me in college telling me about my blog, what they think of it etc. One guy even apologised to me for having not read the latest entry yet! Don't stop guys, (I like having fans, despite how few they are in number) it's just fucking WEIRD. Here is the story:
Three: Flying
I wondered how Ella would be able to fly. I believed her though, if she said she could do something, I believed she could do it. Anything seemed possible for her. She gave me another brief smile and closed her eyes, taking in a slow breath as she did so. As she slowly let it out again through her lips, I felt the air moving gently upwards against my hands. We lifted up from the ground, slowly at first but gradually increasing in pace. By the time we were level with the top of the cliff, the air was rushing past our bodies. We were still holding hands, and to my surprise she twirled me around mid-flight. I realised I was laughing and when Ella saw this she started laughing too. I hadn’t felt this happy for ages; usually I wasn’t even happy at all. She took me higher still and the little alcove with the waves splashing against it just kept getting smaller and smaller. That’s one thing I remember very clearly about flying; how small everything looks. The air rushing against us was fantastically refreshing and I suddenly felt very light. It was intoxicating, this flying business. I would have to do it more often.
Ella took me soaring in a big circle over the tops of the cliffs and gently brought me back down to earth again. She looked at me expectantly, but I could only manage one word. “...Wow.” She smiled at my reaction and asked if I would like to learn how to fly. I immediately said yes, of course I would. What I had just done was extremely unnerving, but I wanted more than anything to do it again and again. Ella inclined her head briefly and walked up to stand next to me. She closed her eyes and placed her hands by her sides, so that the palms were facing downwards towards the sand. I felt a breeze move upwards alongside her, and the sand started to kick up around her bare feet. She rose up a few inches and stayed there, hovering. I stared, open-mouthed. She laughed; it sounded like a dawn chorus of birds in the spring.
Ella had always said there wasn’t anything particularly hard about flying. For me, who had just seen something that seemed impossible beforehand, this was very hard to believe. She told me that all I had to do was feel the air around me; it was as simple as that. I copied what she had just done, with my eyes closed and my hands facing the ground. I waited for a short while, but nothing happened. I opened my eyes to see Ella looking at me with curiosity. I told her I couldn’t do it, but she just frowned. She said that to feel the air I first had to know the air. She had a look of contemplation on her face and it seemed she was having difficulty explaining to me what I had to do. I guess she didn’t teach people how to fly every day. All of a sudden I wanted to fly not just for me, but for her too. I took her hand and gave her a shy smile to encourage her. She looked at me and her blue eyes were filled with brightness, as if they were charged with electricity.
She squeezed my hand in hers and repeated what we had done before, when I flew for the first time. This time she did everything slower; I guess she wanted to emphasise what she was doing. I felt the by now familiar breeze rise up around my feet, then around my hands and finally brushing against my face. The air seemed to mirror Ella in that it was also moving slower than last time. I noticed something else that felt very different from before, but I couldn’t quite pinpoint it. It was as if I could feel the curves of the air flowing around my body. Ella moved my hand slightly to the right so that it was closer to her body, and something very strange happened. I suddenly realised exactly what Ella had meant. She must have moved my hand directly into the source of the air currents, because the shapes of the curves felt a lot more distinct. I could feel what felt like the individual air molecules moving past and over my hand in little streams and eddies. I never really questioned this; it just sort of seemed to make sense to me. The air could be manipulated on a large scale, why shouldn’t it be manipulated on a tiny scale too? I looked at Ella at this point, and she seemed to know what I was thinking. “Yes Alex, those are molecules of air that you can feel,” she said with a wry smile. “Now you know the air.”
Ella began to speed up the flow of air and soon we were floating upwards, supported on cushions of molecules she so easily moved to her will. We were a couple of feet from the ground when she asked me to see if I could now ‘feel the air’. I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath and slowly let it out, allowing all my muscles to relax. I felt the breeze on my hands and sure enough, I could now recognise a faint flow of molecules, appearing to me as a regular pulse. I struggled to manipulate them however, but after several tries I managed to push some of them away and pull some of them back. To manage this I moved my hand towards them and away again, but I had to do this within the stream of molecules. That was the knack to the manipulating bit. Once you have the right rhythm and speed, you can do anything. Ella seemed to notice that I was having some success and she looked on me with a bemused expression. All of a sudden she let me go. I was taken completely by surprise, but just before I hit the ground, I stopped moving. I was hovering, literally only about an inch above the sand. I looked up at Ella, but she simply shook her head and grinned at me. Somehow I had managed to instinctively manipulate the air below me just in time. I flew back up to Ella with ease, to my complete surprise. She looked very pleased with herself and said “Now you can fly, Alex.”
Three: Flying
I wondered how Ella would be able to fly. I believed her though, if she said she could do something, I believed she could do it. Anything seemed possible for her. She gave me another brief smile and closed her eyes, taking in a slow breath as she did so. As she slowly let it out again through her lips, I felt the air moving gently upwards against my hands. We lifted up from the ground, slowly at first but gradually increasing in pace. By the time we were level with the top of the cliff, the air was rushing past our bodies. We were still holding hands, and to my surprise she twirled me around mid-flight. I realised I was laughing and when Ella saw this she started laughing too. I hadn’t felt this happy for ages; usually I wasn’t even happy at all. She took me higher still and the little alcove with the waves splashing against it just kept getting smaller and smaller. That’s one thing I remember very clearly about flying; how small everything looks. The air rushing against us was fantastically refreshing and I suddenly felt very light. It was intoxicating, this flying business. I would have to do it more often.
Ella took me soaring in a big circle over the tops of the cliffs and gently brought me back down to earth again. She looked at me expectantly, but I could only manage one word. “...Wow.” She smiled at my reaction and asked if I would like to learn how to fly. I immediately said yes, of course I would. What I had just done was extremely unnerving, but I wanted more than anything to do it again and again. Ella inclined her head briefly and walked up to stand next to me. She closed her eyes and placed her hands by her sides, so that the palms were facing downwards towards the sand. I felt a breeze move upwards alongside her, and the sand started to kick up around her bare feet. She rose up a few inches and stayed there, hovering. I stared, open-mouthed. She laughed; it sounded like a dawn chorus of birds in the spring.
Ella had always said there wasn’t anything particularly hard about flying. For me, who had just seen something that seemed impossible beforehand, this was very hard to believe. She told me that all I had to do was feel the air around me; it was as simple as that. I copied what she had just done, with my eyes closed and my hands facing the ground. I waited for a short while, but nothing happened. I opened my eyes to see Ella looking at me with curiosity. I told her I couldn’t do it, but she just frowned. She said that to feel the air I first had to know the air. She had a look of contemplation on her face and it seemed she was having difficulty explaining to me what I had to do. I guess she didn’t teach people how to fly every day. All of a sudden I wanted to fly not just for me, but for her too. I took her hand and gave her a shy smile to encourage her. She looked at me and her blue eyes were filled with brightness, as if they were charged with electricity.
She squeezed my hand in hers and repeated what we had done before, when I flew for the first time. This time she did everything slower; I guess she wanted to emphasise what she was doing. I felt the by now familiar breeze rise up around my feet, then around my hands and finally brushing against my face. The air seemed to mirror Ella in that it was also moving slower than last time. I noticed something else that felt very different from before, but I couldn’t quite pinpoint it. It was as if I could feel the curves of the air flowing around my body. Ella moved my hand slightly to the right so that it was closer to her body, and something very strange happened. I suddenly realised exactly what Ella had meant. She must have moved my hand directly into the source of the air currents, because the shapes of the curves felt a lot more distinct. I could feel what felt like the individual air molecules moving past and over my hand in little streams and eddies. I never really questioned this; it just sort of seemed to make sense to me. The air could be manipulated on a large scale, why shouldn’t it be manipulated on a tiny scale too? I looked at Ella at this point, and she seemed to know what I was thinking. “Yes Alex, those are molecules of air that you can feel,” she said with a wry smile. “Now you know the air.”
Ella began to speed up the flow of air and soon we were floating upwards, supported on cushions of molecules she so easily moved to her will. We were a couple of feet from the ground when she asked me to see if I could now ‘feel the air’. I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath and slowly let it out, allowing all my muscles to relax. I felt the breeze on my hands and sure enough, I could now recognise a faint flow of molecules, appearing to me as a regular pulse. I struggled to manipulate them however, but after several tries I managed to push some of them away and pull some of them back. To manage this I moved my hand towards them and away again, but I had to do this within the stream of molecules. That was the knack to the manipulating bit. Once you have the right rhythm and speed, you can do anything. Ella seemed to notice that I was having some success and she looked on me with a bemused expression. All of a sudden she let me go. I was taken completely by surprise, but just before I hit the ground, I stopped moving. I was hovering, literally only about an inch above the sand. I looked up at Ella, but she simply shook her head and grinned at me. Somehow I had managed to instinctively manipulate the air below me just in time. I flew back up to Ella with ease, to my complete surprise. She looked very pleased with herself and said “Now you can fly, Alex.”
Thursday, 24 September 2009
I want to live like common people
Quote of the Day - "The boys all loved you but I was a mess, I had to watch them trying to get you undressed" - Pulp
I decided today that I really, really, really don't like my new chemistry teacher. The guy's a complete dick, he's convinced that boys basically can't do anything compared to girls (or, as he called us, 'males' and 'females'). When he was explaining this clearly genius theory to us he actually used members of the class as examples. He seemed to think that constantly putting down the 'males' and complimenting the 'females' would make the 'males' do better. Not that we fucking need to. I don't see how we are in any way worse. I mean, do I need to remind the fucker that I got straight As last year? What does it fucking take for teachers to be pleased (even just plain satisfied will do) about me around here?! There are other retarded things he does too. For example, when he was going through last lessons homework today (I hadn't done it, thank raptorjesus) he was basically just tossing all the guys' ones aside and just completely tearing them apart (not physically but verbally). He didn't actually use these words but what he said was along these lines:
"Oh look this one was done by a boy, it's shit"
"Oh look this one was done by a girl, it must be A grade work"
...and so on. He even went into detail on some of the more unfortunate people's work. I'm not saying that those people's work wasn't very good, I suspect it was largely pretty good. He just made it sound bad by pointing out EVERY tiny mistake. He thinks he's hilarious as well, making ridiculously awkward jokes every 5 minutes. He gets on my nerves so much, I have a feeling I won't be enjoying chemistry this year. Shame really, it was my favourite subject last year.
Debated with myself for a bit after college about what I should do with my afternoon. Homework, or play Halo? Halo won out in the end (obviously) but I got what was coming to me a while later when my computer overheated and died while I was playing. Luckily Halo autosaves, so all was not lost! Anyway I took this as a sign to do something more productive (I wouldn't have been able to play it for a while anyway what with dead computer) but I still managed to avoid homework by getting into more painting instead. I know it's really nerdy, but I'm seriously getting into it again. Painting my little skinks is so fun! Matt will be coming round on Friday so I can give him a crash course in Warhammer painting (he's never done it before) which I am very much looking forward to.
I discovered Pulp today. I finally put Different Class on the computer after meaning to for a few weeks (it's still playing now) and it's fucking brilliant. It's one of those albums that perfectly encapsulates the adolescent frame of mind, so ideal for me. I have come to the conclusion that Jarvis Cocker is a genius, albeit a damn dirty one. So many of the lyrics within Different Class are just downright dirty or have some kind of double meaning! Cocker you dirty bastard you. Had an interlude inbetween the much Pulp listening going on today for a jam on the guitar. I played through Uprising several times, I'm getting better at it (I think)! After that I had a play through several other Muse riffs before breaking into the main riff from the Radiohead song Bodysnatchers. I hadn't played it for ages, so it took a while for me to remember how to play it but once I did it was easy. It's so fun to play I played through it about a hundred times before stopping. I played it so much that I had actually started improvising riffs based on it towards the end. It didn't sound that impressive, but oh my was it FUN.
I did eventually get round to some homework, I did all of my chemistry (fuck you Gordon! That's my teacher's name) and a bit of maths. However it took me so fucking long to get around to it, I had so much time today after college and only got around to it late in the evening. To be fair, I think I put the pro in procrastination. I also spoke to thizzley for a good couple of hours, we had a nice deep chat about the way things are currently. They are currently very good indeed. I am so grateful for her, I can't quite believe how lucky I am. One last thing. Ffion (my epic Welsh friend) has come back into my life. WOOHOO!
I decided today that I really, really, really don't like my new chemistry teacher. The guy's a complete dick, he's convinced that boys basically can't do anything compared to girls (or, as he called us, 'males' and 'females'). When he was explaining this clearly genius theory to us he actually used members of the class as examples. He seemed to think that constantly putting down the 'males' and complimenting the 'females' would make the 'males' do better. Not that we fucking need to. I don't see how we are in any way worse. I mean, do I need to remind the fucker that I got straight As last year? What does it fucking take for teachers to be pleased (even just plain satisfied will do) about me around here?! There are other retarded things he does too. For example, when he was going through last lessons homework today (I hadn't done it, thank raptorjesus) he was basically just tossing all the guys' ones aside and just completely tearing them apart (not physically but verbally). He didn't actually use these words but what he said was along these lines:
"Oh look this one was done by a boy, it's shit"
"Oh look this one was done by a girl, it must be A grade work"
...and so on. He even went into detail on some of the more unfortunate people's work. I'm not saying that those people's work wasn't very good, I suspect it was largely pretty good. He just made it sound bad by pointing out EVERY tiny mistake. He thinks he's hilarious as well, making ridiculously awkward jokes every 5 minutes. He gets on my nerves so much, I have a feeling I won't be enjoying chemistry this year. Shame really, it was my favourite subject last year.
Debated with myself for a bit after college about what I should do with my afternoon. Homework, or play Halo? Halo won out in the end (obviously) but I got what was coming to me a while later when my computer overheated and died while I was playing. Luckily Halo autosaves, so all was not lost! Anyway I took this as a sign to do something more productive (I wouldn't have been able to play it for a while anyway what with dead computer) but I still managed to avoid homework by getting into more painting instead. I know it's really nerdy, but I'm seriously getting into it again. Painting my little skinks is so fun! Matt will be coming round on Friday so I can give him a crash course in Warhammer painting (he's never done it before) which I am very much looking forward to.
I discovered Pulp today. I finally put Different Class on the computer after meaning to for a few weeks (it's still playing now) and it's fucking brilliant. It's one of those albums that perfectly encapsulates the adolescent frame of mind, so ideal for me. I have come to the conclusion that Jarvis Cocker is a genius, albeit a damn dirty one. So many of the lyrics within Different Class are just downright dirty or have some kind of double meaning! Cocker you dirty bastard you. Had an interlude inbetween the much Pulp listening going on today for a jam on the guitar. I played through Uprising several times, I'm getting better at it (I think)! After that I had a play through several other Muse riffs before breaking into the main riff from the Radiohead song Bodysnatchers. I hadn't played it for ages, so it took a while for me to remember how to play it but once I did it was easy. It's so fun to play I played through it about a hundred times before stopping. I played it so much that I had actually started improvising riffs based on it towards the end. It didn't sound that impressive, but oh my was it FUN.
I did eventually get round to some homework, I did all of my chemistry (fuck you Gordon! That's my teacher's name) and a bit of maths. However it took me so fucking long to get around to it, I had so much time today after college and only got around to it late in the evening. To be fair, I think I put the pro in procrastination. I also spoke to thizzley for a good couple of hours, we had a nice deep chat about the way things are currently. They are currently very good indeed. I am so grateful for her, I can't quite believe how lucky I am. One last thing. Ffion (my epic Welsh friend) has come back into my life. WOOHOO!
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Tuesdays - full of win
Quote of the Day - "It's time the fat cats had a heart attack" - Muse
I won a game of warbands today! This made me very happy, I am very much looking forward to my next game now (my warband has grown considerably as I got loads of points for winning a game). I have also done some painting recently and hope to do more soon, I'd forgotten how fun it is to paint those little guys. Today was actually pretty damn good as well (for a change)! As well as my warbands massacre (that's right, I did better than just win) I had a mere two lessons at college and a lie in! All in all a pretty fantastic day, I'm sure you'll agree? Another thing, I didn't expect to get to talk to thizzley today (she has a busy day lined up for herself) but I did for like 20 minutes just now. I know that's not particularly long, but I'm just glad to be able to talk to her after all. I shall look forward to talking to her tomorrow!
I totally just torrented the original Halo! I had it a while ago, but I deleted it (to make room on my hard drive, I suppose). I don't know why, but I had a strong urge to play it again just this evening. Maybe it's all the hype what with ODST being released yesterday. Unfortunately I don't think I should play it right now, I have like a ton of homework looming over my head like some kind of twisted death warrant. I shall do some of that soon, then play Halo later. I also keep bugging myself to write more story, but my time just seems to keep evaporating in font of me like some kind of very hot water. I promise I will write more eventually! (I'm not really sure if that's more of a promise to you than to myself)
I learnt Uprising (new Muse single) on guitar the other day and I attempted to play it again today. The guitar is fairly simple, but it's pretty difficult to sing it while playing, which is what I'd like to be able to do. Practice makes perfect I suppose. You should all listen to it! It goes like this (yes, I am aware the video is fucking awesome). Anyway I should stop this now so I can get down to some work. Besides, I don't really know what else to write about... damn, short post is short. I guess my life is fairly boring right now. Maybe longer posts soon, who the fuck knows. Oh and one last thing, thizzley starts her new job today. Best of luck to her!
I won a game of warbands today! This made me very happy, I am very much looking forward to my next game now (my warband has grown considerably as I got loads of points for winning a game). I have also done some painting recently and hope to do more soon, I'd forgotten how fun it is to paint those little guys. Today was actually pretty damn good as well (for a change)! As well as my warbands massacre (that's right, I did better than just win) I had a mere two lessons at college and a lie in! All in all a pretty fantastic day, I'm sure you'll agree? Another thing, I didn't expect to get to talk to thizzley today (she has a busy day lined up for herself) but I did for like 20 minutes just now. I know that's not particularly long, but I'm just glad to be able to talk to her after all. I shall look forward to talking to her tomorrow!
I totally just torrented the original Halo! I had it a while ago, but I deleted it (to make room on my hard drive, I suppose). I don't know why, but I had a strong urge to play it again just this evening. Maybe it's all the hype what with ODST being released yesterday. Unfortunately I don't think I should play it right now, I have like a ton of homework looming over my head like some kind of twisted death warrant. I shall do some of that soon, then play Halo later. I also keep bugging myself to write more story, but my time just seems to keep evaporating in font of me like some kind of very hot water. I promise I will write more eventually! (I'm not really sure if that's more of a promise to you than to myself)
I learnt Uprising (new Muse single) on guitar the other day and I attempted to play it again today. The guitar is fairly simple, but it's pretty difficult to sing it while playing, which is what I'd like to be able to do. Practice makes perfect I suppose. You should all listen to it! It goes like this (yes, I am aware the video is fucking awesome). Anyway I should stop this now so I can get down to some work. Besides, I don't really know what else to write about... damn, short post is short. I guess my life is fairly boring right now. Maybe longer posts soon, who the fuck knows. Oh and one last thing, thizzley starts her new job today. Best of luck to her!
Monday, 21 September 2009
Story 2
Can't be arsed with much of a post today, too tired and I don't feel there is much to say. Apart from- THIZZLEY JUST APPEARED FUCK YES. Ok I shall leave you with the next part of the story to kind of make up for it, more normal blogging tomorrow. I am planning on finally continuing the damn thing soon, but not tonight. Also from now on I will be labelling the story blogs "Story X" where X is the number of the part that it is. I'm hoping that it will make it easier to find the story posts if you aren't interested in the regular ones (and why wouldn't you be?!). Anyway, here it is:
Two: Girl
I’ll never forget the day I met her. The day started like any other - I got up, went to school, went to the alcove by the sea. I was sitting on the rocks gazing at the waves when to my surprise I noticed a figure descending the cliff face. It was a girl in a white dress, with long bright golden hair that streamed behind her as she moved. She had a very slender figure, and I guess she was about the same age as me, although strangely I never did ask her. Oddly enough she was taking the same path which I had taken so many times. I had no idea how she knew it, I’d never seen anyone else here before. Somehow she moved slowly and smoothly down the cliff face, despite it being riddled with cracks and dips in the rock that would surely trip her up or at least hinder her approach. I realised with a shock that she was staring at me.
As she reached the beach I could make out her face properly. She had pale but smooth skin, a small nose and huge bright blue eyes. Those eyes were to die for. Her lips formed a friendly smile as she glided towards me. She’s beautiful, I thought; impossibly beautiful. I was mesmerized. She stopped moving a couple of metres away from me. I offered a nervous greeting “H-hi, I’m Alex.” She simply smiled and said “Hello Alex, my name is Ella. Pleased to meet you.” No one was ever pleased to meet me. I blushed and smiled back into those big blue eyes.
Ella had something about her that I had never come across before; she was absolutely captivating and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She told me that she could fly, and I didn’t put it past her. It seemed to me like anything was possible for Ella. She said that if I wanted, she could show me. I did want her to show me. The idea of flying was incredible, but I think I just liked watching her, no matter what she did. I guess Ella just had that kind of effect on me.
She came up to me until she was no more than a few inches away and I could feel her breath on my face. It felt like a cool summer breeze gently running through my hair, despite it being winter all around us. I shivered. She simply smiled at me again and took my hands in hers. I felt the warmth return to my face as she asked if I was ready. The idea of flying both excited and terrified me all at once. I had never flown before, not even on a plane or anything. I should have been afraid; I know I should have been. It didn’t make sense for me to not feel any fear, yet it felt like this was something I was supposed to do. Of course I was ready, I felt more ready than I had ever felt before. I looked back at her perfect face and nodded.
Two: Girl
I’ll never forget the day I met her. The day started like any other - I got up, went to school, went to the alcove by the sea. I was sitting on the rocks gazing at the waves when to my surprise I noticed a figure descending the cliff face. It was a girl in a white dress, with long bright golden hair that streamed behind her as she moved. She had a very slender figure, and I guess she was about the same age as me, although strangely I never did ask her. Oddly enough she was taking the same path which I had taken so many times. I had no idea how she knew it, I’d never seen anyone else here before. Somehow she moved slowly and smoothly down the cliff face, despite it being riddled with cracks and dips in the rock that would surely trip her up or at least hinder her approach. I realised with a shock that she was staring at me.
As she reached the beach I could make out her face properly. She had pale but smooth skin, a small nose and huge bright blue eyes. Those eyes were to die for. Her lips formed a friendly smile as she glided towards me. She’s beautiful, I thought; impossibly beautiful. I was mesmerized. She stopped moving a couple of metres away from me. I offered a nervous greeting “H-hi, I’m Alex.” She simply smiled and said “Hello Alex, my name is Ella. Pleased to meet you.” No one was ever pleased to meet me. I blushed and smiled back into those big blue eyes.
Ella had something about her that I had never come across before; she was absolutely captivating and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She told me that she could fly, and I didn’t put it past her. It seemed to me like anything was possible for Ella. She said that if I wanted, she could show me. I did want her to show me. The idea of flying was incredible, but I think I just liked watching her, no matter what she did. I guess Ella just had that kind of effect on me.
She came up to me until she was no more than a few inches away and I could feel her breath on my face. It felt like a cool summer breeze gently running through my hair, despite it being winter all around us. I shivered. She simply smiled at me again and took my hands in hers. I felt the warmth return to my face as she asked if I was ready. The idea of flying both excited and terrified me all at once. I had never flown before, not even on a plane or anything. I should have been afraid; I know I should have been. It didn’t make sense for me to not feel any fear, yet it felt like this was something I was supposed to do. Of course I was ready, I felt more ready than I had ever felt before. I looked back at her perfect face and nodded.
Sunday, 20 September 2009
Mon cœur s'ouvre à ta voix
Quote of the Day - "I am generally very unsure and indecisive, but when I decide upon something I fucking decide." - Elisa Lovato
20:28 Woke up this morning feeling rather rubbish. I had hardly had any sleep (my fault to be quite honest) and my head hurt (probably because of the lack of sleep). Also when I signed into irc thizzley was still nowhere to be seen. This sounds pretty pathetic, but the fact that I still hadn't talked to her in how ever many hours/days it had been depressed me a bit. The lack of sleep was also related to her, after I finished my previous post I decided to wait until she appeared (I reasoned she eventually would). However I eventually fell asleep against my own will (I must have been awake a long time) and I woke up (after however long I had been asleep, I don't know) when my computer fell on the fucking floor. Yes, I know I am an idiot. Luckily for me my computer must be made of pretty tough stuff because there isn't even a scratch on it (apart from the ones that were already there). I ended up finally going to sleep properly at some point just after 4am, so a good healthy time for me to be getting to sleep then. All the while I was awake I was gradually getting more and more apathetic and lonely until I just couldn't take it anymore and gave up. That night was not very fun and I essentially felt the same when I woke up.
It's ok though, because things started brightening up from there! I thought about thizzley basically all morning while at the same time keeping on telling myself to do my damn maths homework... which obviously didn't get done. Matt came round eventually though and we walked to the cinema together which cheered me right up! We went to see District 9 which I had only heard of recently and knew essentially nothing about, so I didn't really know what to expect. It's a brilliant film, I won't spoil it for any of you who haven't seen it but I will urge you to go see it as soon as you can! It made me think a lot about us a species and what we are capable of. It's a very frightening film, not in the "oh shit they're going to eat us" kind of way, more frightening as in it makes you think about what would happen if similar events to the ones in the film happened for real. I can't help thinking that if what happens at the beginning of the film happens to us in reality then the consequences would be somewhat similar. The thought of it makes me feel a little bit ill. Anyway go see it, it's the best film I have seen in a while.
After the cinema I was originally planning on going to taekwondo tonight, but I eventually decided against it what with all the maths which STILL hadn't been done. I'm glad I didn't go in the end, I've finished all my homework bar one question which I can't figure out how to do. I hope my teacher doesn't mind too much, she can be quite erratic with her moods. I will attempt to go to taekwondo three times next week, providing it doesn't kill me...
Soon after I had given up on that thizzley finally appeared! We had a rather emotional reunion (don't judge me, we're really close ok) followed by giving each other an overview of our own experiences during the previous day (the day where we missed each other). We discovered that we are actually probably more attached to each other than we had previously realised, as over perhaps just a day (maybe, I don't really know how much time it actually was) we both missed each other intensely. I like the way we are though, it feels like we are inseparable (I wonder what she'll think about that...).
I did actually attempt what I meant to do yesterday (trying to play through In the Aeroplane Over the Sea in it's entirety) although I failed slightly. I only managed the first 9 songs and I didn't play those particularly well anyway. Oh well... I really don't have much else to add tonight, so I'll see you all tomorrow I guess. Oh and by the way, the title means "My heart opens itself to your voice" in French. I'll let you decide the meaning of that.
20:28 Woke up this morning feeling rather rubbish. I had hardly had any sleep (my fault to be quite honest) and my head hurt (probably because of the lack of sleep). Also when I signed into irc thizzley was still nowhere to be seen. This sounds pretty pathetic, but the fact that I still hadn't talked to her in how ever many hours/days it had been depressed me a bit. The lack of sleep was also related to her, after I finished my previous post I decided to wait until she appeared (I reasoned she eventually would). However I eventually fell asleep against my own will (I must have been awake a long time) and I woke up (after however long I had been asleep, I don't know) when my computer fell on the fucking floor. Yes, I know I am an idiot. Luckily for me my computer must be made of pretty tough stuff because there isn't even a scratch on it (apart from the ones that were already there). I ended up finally going to sleep properly at some point just after 4am, so a good healthy time for me to be getting to sleep then. All the while I was awake I was gradually getting more and more apathetic and lonely until I just couldn't take it anymore and gave up. That night was not very fun and I essentially felt the same when I woke up.
It's ok though, because things started brightening up from there! I thought about thizzley basically all morning while at the same time keeping on telling myself to do my damn maths homework... which obviously didn't get done. Matt came round eventually though and we walked to the cinema together which cheered me right up! We went to see District 9 which I had only heard of recently and knew essentially nothing about, so I didn't really know what to expect. It's a brilliant film, I won't spoil it for any of you who haven't seen it but I will urge you to go see it as soon as you can! It made me think a lot about us a species and what we are capable of. It's a very frightening film, not in the "oh shit they're going to eat us" kind of way, more frightening as in it makes you think about what would happen if similar events to the ones in the film happened for real. I can't help thinking that if what happens at the beginning of the film happens to us in reality then the consequences would be somewhat similar. The thought of it makes me feel a little bit ill. Anyway go see it, it's the best film I have seen in a while.
After the cinema I was originally planning on going to taekwondo tonight, but I eventually decided against it what with all the maths which STILL hadn't been done. I'm glad I didn't go in the end, I've finished all my homework bar one question which I can't figure out how to do. I hope my teacher doesn't mind too much, she can be quite erratic with her moods. I will attempt to go to taekwondo three times next week, providing it doesn't kill me...
Soon after I had given up on that thizzley finally appeared! We had a rather emotional reunion (don't judge me, we're really close ok) followed by giving each other an overview of our own experiences during the previous day (the day where we missed each other). We discovered that we are actually probably more attached to each other than we had previously realised, as over perhaps just a day (maybe, I don't really know how much time it actually was) we both missed each other intensely. I like the way we are though, it feels like we are inseparable (I wonder what she'll think about that...).
I did actually attempt what I meant to do yesterday (trying to play through In the Aeroplane Over the Sea in it's entirety) although I failed slightly. I only managed the first 9 songs and I didn't play those particularly well anyway. Oh well... I really don't have much else to add tonight, so I'll see you all tomorrow I guess. Oh and by the way, the title means "My heart opens itself to your voice" in French. I'll let you decide the meaning of that.
I belong to you
13:43 I got up at about 11am this morning and found thizzley still on irc, waiting for me! (she's still here now!) This made me feel very happy, although I am worried that she is not getting enough sleep (it's early in the morning over there, she hasn't gone to bed). I don't want to sound like her mother or something, I just care about her.
I might attempt to play all the way through Neutral Milk Hotel's In the Aeroplane Over the Sea today from beginning to end. It should be quite a fun experience, I've never attempted to play an entire album all at once before. I'll play along with the record, strumming the chords and singing the lyrics. I'm afraid if I don't play along with the record I'll probably make like a thousand mistakes and it'll sound rubbish.
23:48 Didn't play through In the Aeroplane Over the Sea today as I didn't make enough time for myself to. I failed just a bit there. Went round Owen's house today, hung out with some people. Dom was there which was nice, I hadn't seen him for ages and ages. Before I left I noticed our front room (lounge/sitting room/whatever to you americans) had been pretty much converted into something quite awesome. There was lego all over the floor and I mean literally all over the floor. My brothers have finally got hold of all of the lego I had when I was a kid. Now they've added it to their collections and they're building all sorts of cool things. Literally thousands of different pieces were all over the place, it was like a bomb made of and containing only lego had gone off in our front room. I was very happy to see it being used after years of just sitting on top of my wardrobe in my room and making them so happy. It made me think a lot about my childhood, but we all know thinking a lot isn't really very good for me. I wish I was their age again.
This evening I had a drink with my parents and watched a film they had rented called The Reader. I had never heard of it before, but I thought it was very very good. It's about the problems faced by Germany after the events in the second world war, particularly the events in the concentration camps. I know that might sound a bit dry, but there is a romance between a teenage boy and a woman who used to work in the camps (the boy doesn't know at first) which I thought was done very well. It was a very romantic film but not in the cliched way that makes you want to cringe to death, it was done in a much more moving way. I like that sort of romance very much, so I liked the film a lot. It was a very touching and sad film, the ending left me feeling quite thoughtful. I keep thinking about love and how it affects each person in their own unique way. I want my love to be here.
I have so much maths homework to do and it's all due for Monday, it's rather depressing. In order to get it all done on time I think I'll have to do some tonight, which I really don't want to do. I'm tired, slightly ill and a little bit too thoughtful for my liking. Still, I suppose it's my own fault for not doing it earlier. Then again, this week does seem to have been incredibly busy. Arguing with myself is hardly going to get it done so I'll get started on that in a bit.
Sorry for the short post today, but I really don't have anything else to say right now. I hope she appears soon.
I might attempt to play all the way through Neutral Milk Hotel's In the Aeroplane Over the Sea today from beginning to end. It should be quite a fun experience, I've never attempted to play an entire album all at once before. I'll play along with the record, strumming the chords and singing the lyrics. I'm afraid if I don't play along with the record I'll probably make like a thousand mistakes and it'll sound rubbish.
23:48 Didn't play through In the Aeroplane Over the Sea today as I didn't make enough time for myself to. I failed just a bit there. Went round Owen's house today, hung out with some people. Dom was there which was nice, I hadn't seen him for ages and ages. Before I left I noticed our front room (lounge/sitting room/whatever to you americans) had been pretty much converted into something quite awesome. There was lego all over the floor and I mean literally all over the floor. My brothers have finally got hold of all of the lego I had when I was a kid. Now they've added it to their collections and they're building all sorts of cool things. Literally thousands of different pieces were all over the place, it was like a bomb made of and containing only lego had gone off in our front room. I was very happy to see it being used after years of just sitting on top of my wardrobe in my room and making them so happy. It made me think a lot about my childhood, but we all know thinking a lot isn't really very good for me. I wish I was their age again.
This evening I had a drink with my parents and watched a film they had rented called The Reader. I had never heard of it before, but I thought it was very very good. It's about the problems faced by Germany after the events in the second world war, particularly the events in the concentration camps. I know that might sound a bit dry, but there is a romance between a teenage boy and a woman who used to work in the camps (the boy doesn't know at first) which I thought was done very well. It was a very romantic film but not in the cliched way that makes you want to cringe to death, it was done in a much more moving way. I like that sort of romance very much, so I liked the film a lot. It was a very touching and sad film, the ending left me feeling quite thoughtful. I keep thinking about love and how it affects each person in their own unique way. I want my love to be here.
I have so much maths homework to do and it's all due for Monday, it's rather depressing. In order to get it all done on time I think I'll have to do some tonight, which I really don't want to do. I'm tired, slightly ill and a little bit too thoughtful for my liking. Still, I suppose it's my own fault for not doing it earlier. Then again, this week does seem to have been incredibly busy. Arguing with myself is hardly going to get it done so I'll get started on that in a bit.
Sorry for the short post today, but I really don't have anything else to say right now. I hope she appears soon.
Saturday, 19 September 2009
Cannibal Carrots.
Quote of the Day - "I'd tell all my friends but they'd never believe me, they'd think that I'd finally lost it completely" - Radiohead
Ah, why am I starting this so late. Oh well, it's the weekend! By my logic I am allowed to stay up until whenever the hell I feel like going to bed, so that is what I shall do!
I survived my adventure all the way to Bristol and back today! (hurrah) I'm quite proud of myself, going all that way on my own and not getting stabbed/raped/drunk off my face/delete as applicable. ANYWAY, Bristol was alright. I didn't like the campus itself much really (it's all too urban and not very nice to look at) but the chemistry department was very impressive indeed. All shiny new equipment and massive airy buildings. Even though I didn't like the campus as much as the other places I think I will still apply there, as the chemistry bit impressed me so much (also it's ranked so damn highly that if I manage to get a place I think it'll be pretty easy to get a job out of it after). I was routinely very tired throughout the day (I must have taken about a million naps on various trains) but I survived, I think all the coffee I drank saved me in the end. PRAISE THE LORD FOR COFFEE. Actually no, I don't believe in the lord, don't praise him.
Oh man, the trains. I think the train service in this country is in dire need of fixing. I could go on about all the fucking stupid things it includes (there's a long list) but it would take too long. I'll just talk about two things that affected me today. Firstly, the DELAYS. All of them (yes that's right, you heard me correctly) were delayed. I wouldn't mind that much if say just one of them was delayed by a few minutes, but all of my trains?! Come on, you stupid government. What the fuck do you guys do all day anyway, other than argue? The first one was delayed by almost 20 minutes! (how ridiculous is that!) My second point I would like to make (and I'd just like to point out that this isn't true for every station, rather most of them) is that hardly any train stations seem to have bins anywhere. This begs an important question: How the fuck do you guys keep them so damn clean?! There was hardly any litter anywhere as far as I could tell, although I eventually accumulated quite a bit of rubbish (I ended up having eaten and drank quite a lot eventually, but it was a long day so I'm allowed to eat and drink excessively). This made me feel like I was missing out on a trick somewhere. I mean what, are there like invisible bins that I wasn't told about or something? I just don't get it, why don't the people who run these places think of adding bins? I mean, some of these stations are pretty massive with loads of people going in and out all the time. I'd really like to know how they keep them so damn clean, it's very confusing.
When I finally got back (I was away for pretty much 12 hours) I flopped onto the sofa, ate my dinner (yummy fish and jacket potatoes!) and watched Derren Brown on TV. He tried to make everyone watching stick to their seats (quite literally) by playing a film which he had made designed to make people 'stick' to their seats. He did this by using his skills of suggestion and surprisingly it appeared to work on some people. Disappointingly though no one in my family was affected, including me. I wanted to be stuck to my seat! It would have been pretty cool. After that there was the first episode of a new series of Peep Show (!!) which is probably one of my favourite things to ever be on TV ever. It's a ridiculously funny (but also ridiculously cringey) comedy about two loser best friends (they're also complete opposites of each other) who live together. All you British readers will undoubtedly know it, all you non-Britons just trust me in that it is very, very funny.
After that I went to irc and waited for thizzley to appear for about 1 and a half hours. When she turned up it was so worth the wait though. I love her ridiculously a lot. She had a very good reason for being way later than usual anyway, so I don't really mind at all. It was because she has managed to get herself a job! (well an internship anyway, just as good in my opinion) She got it at the exact place she wanted to get it as well, I'm so proud of her! This also means that she is very happy, which obviously makes me a lot happier. So well done thizzley, you did good!
One last thing before I wrap this post up, but it is a very weird thing. I had someone add me on facebook this evening. I had never seen her before in my life, however she said that she had added me after reading (and enjoying) my blog. It was pretty flattering, but seriously, how fucking weird is that...? It was like mindfuckX10000.
My chosen quote for today is a line from one my favourite Radiohead songs, Subterranean Homesick Alien. The quote pretty much sums up perfectly how I feel sometimes when I'm in a particularly apathetic mood and feel alienated from pretty much everyone. Wow, I used a lot of italics today. Not sure why but I also seem to be in a very weird mood indeed. Maybe I'll be more normal tomorrow. Ah, normal. What a horrible word.
Ah, why am I starting this so late. Oh well, it's the weekend! By my logic I am allowed to stay up until whenever the hell I feel like going to bed, so that is what I shall do!
I survived my adventure all the way to Bristol and back today! (hurrah) I'm quite proud of myself, going all that way on my own and not getting stabbed/raped/drunk off my face/delete as applicable. ANYWAY, Bristol was alright. I didn't like the campus itself much really (it's all too urban and not very nice to look at) but the chemistry department was very impressive indeed. All shiny new equipment and massive airy buildings. Even though I didn't like the campus as much as the other places I think I will still apply there, as the chemistry bit impressed me so much (also it's ranked so damn highly that if I manage to get a place I think it'll be pretty easy to get a job out of it after). I was routinely very tired throughout the day (I must have taken about a million naps on various trains) but I survived, I think all the coffee I drank saved me in the end. PRAISE THE LORD FOR COFFEE. Actually no, I don't believe in the lord, don't praise him.
Oh man, the trains. I think the train service in this country is in dire need of fixing. I could go on about all the fucking stupid things it includes (there's a long list) but it would take too long. I'll just talk about two things that affected me today. Firstly, the DELAYS. All of them (yes that's right, you heard me correctly) were delayed. I wouldn't mind that much if say just one of them was delayed by a few minutes, but all of my trains?! Come on, you stupid government. What the fuck do you guys do all day anyway, other than argue? The first one was delayed by almost 20 minutes! (how ridiculous is that!) My second point I would like to make (and I'd just like to point out that this isn't true for every station, rather most of them) is that hardly any train stations seem to have bins anywhere. This begs an important question: How the fuck do you guys keep them so damn clean?! There was hardly any litter anywhere as far as I could tell, although I eventually accumulated quite a bit of rubbish (I ended up having eaten and drank quite a lot eventually, but it was a long day so I'm allowed to eat and drink excessively). This made me feel like I was missing out on a trick somewhere. I mean what, are there like invisible bins that I wasn't told about or something? I just don't get it, why don't the people who run these places think of adding bins? I mean, some of these stations are pretty massive with loads of people going in and out all the time. I'd really like to know how they keep them so damn clean, it's very confusing.
When I finally got back (I was away for pretty much 12 hours) I flopped onto the sofa, ate my dinner (yummy fish and jacket potatoes!) and watched Derren Brown on TV. He tried to make everyone watching stick to their seats (quite literally) by playing a film which he had made designed to make people 'stick' to their seats. He did this by using his skills of suggestion and surprisingly it appeared to work on some people. Disappointingly though no one in my family was affected, including me. I wanted to be stuck to my seat! It would have been pretty cool. After that there was the first episode of a new series of Peep Show (!!) which is probably one of my favourite things to ever be on TV ever. It's a ridiculously funny (but also ridiculously cringey) comedy about two loser best friends (they're also complete opposites of each other) who live together. All you British readers will undoubtedly know it, all you non-Britons just trust me in that it is very, very funny.
After that I went to irc and waited for thizzley to appear for about 1 and a half hours. When she turned up it was so worth the wait though. I love her ridiculously a lot. She had a very good reason for being way later than usual anyway, so I don't really mind at all. It was because she has managed to get herself a job! (well an internship anyway, just as good in my opinion) She got it at the exact place she wanted to get it as well, I'm so proud of her! This also means that she is very happy, which obviously makes me a lot happier. So well done thizzley, you did good!
One last thing before I wrap this post up, but it is a very weird thing. I had someone add me on facebook this evening. I had never seen her before in my life, however she said that she had added me after reading (and enjoying) my blog. It was pretty flattering, but seriously, how fucking weird is that...? It was like mindfuckX10000.
My chosen quote for today is a line from one my favourite Radiohead songs, Subterranean Homesick Alien. The quote pretty much sums up perfectly how I feel sometimes when I'm in a particularly apathetic mood and feel alienated from pretty much everyone. Wow, I used a lot of italics today. Not sure why but I also seem to be in a very weird mood indeed. Maybe I'll be more normal tomorrow. Ah, normal. What a horrible word.
Thursday, 17 September 2009
Story
Quote of the Day - "I am a firm believer in choice, not fate" - Ruth Silver
09:42 I got up about half an hour ago and I feel great! I forgot how good it feels to have a proper night's sleep. I got about 8 hours! Must get ready for college now.
09:59 Just washed my hair, at last. It feels so good! All nice and soft.
22:45 Got back from taekwondo about an hour ago and I am now SO tired. Damn two hour long sessions making me want to collapse in a little heap on the floor. I think it's worth it though, I mean I get to break fucking boards! (as well as some other seriously cool shit) Plus I feel like a total ninja doing some of the more awesome moves, so I guess all the pain and deadness is worth it. Damn it, I keep getting distracted (I don't really mind though, plus I already explained this to the person doing all the distracting) and I really don't know what to write about this evening. On top of all that I have to be up at 7:30 tomorrow morning to make a 3 and half hour train journey to Bristol, (another damn open day...) so I need to go to bed soon really. The whole university situation is really getting to me, it's like everyone is trying to tell me what to do, like constantly asking what I'm going to do, when I'm going to do stuff etc. I know it's very important but I would just like to make my own damn decisions about this, I'm practically an adult now and even if I'm not in age I feel I am in maturity. It's annoying though, I can't get people to stop because I know they have good intentions and I don't want to upset them. It all has to be finished so soon as well and I don't see why the fuck it has to be. I mean I won't even start university for at least a year, how long does it take them to fucking 'process' my application? The whole thing is just stressing me out so much and as such is making me feel rather down. It'll be quite exciting to go to Bristol though, simply because I don't have anyone to go with. Not even my parents could take enough pity on me to accompany me there. This means it will be the furthest I will have ever traveled on my own, so if you don't see me around tomorrow it's because something unfortunate happened to me on my travels.
I really can't think of anything else to write, far too tired and also finding it quite hard to care about writing this right now. Sorry guys, I'll be in a better mood tomorrow I promise. I'll leave you with part one of that story I was going on about yesterday, it was written all the way back in January which feels ridiculously long ago. If enough people like it (to be honest I think if one person likes it I will be pretty pleased) then maybe I'll start posting one part of it a week. Hopefully by then I will have also written some more of it (if I can get off my own arse) so it will continue nice and smoothly. That's the plan anyway. But things rarely ever go to plan for me.
One: Beach
I had always liked Bournemouth beach. I liked the feel of the sand between my toes and I liked the soft crash of the waves against the shore. There was a small alcove to the west of the main beach, formed by the cliff face curling around a patch of sand. It was blocked off from the rest of the beach by the cliff face itself, but you could walk along the top and look down there from above. There never seemed to be anyone down there. One day I decided I would go down. The cliff wasn’t steep like other cliffs; it just sort of sloped down towards the beach. Despite this, I still managed to stumble and trip over a lot that first time. Eventually I managed to find my own path down there that I could negotiate without falling over, and I was there every day, after school. That place was special to me because no one else knew how to get down there, so I was never disturbed. It was like an escape for me.
I was a fifteen year old boy and at the time the pressures of adolescence were confusing me. I just wanted to get away. Everyone at school seemed to be pairing up with everyone else, except me. I had never really fit in there anyway. All the other kids wore fashionable clothes and listened to whatever music was in the charts at the time. I wore ‘weird’ clothes and listened to everything that wasn’t in the charts. The majority of them also managed to look good most of the time as well. I had never really thought of myself as very attractive, but it had never really bothered me until now. They had all made fun of me at first and I got quite upset by it, but after a while I just ignored them and they ignored me. Now they just avoid me instead. It feels like I don’t exist most of the time.
The only person who acknowledged me was my aunt. Her name was Sarah, and I’d lived with her in her little cottage for as long as I could remember. I’d been told my parents had died in an accident a long time ago, but I wasn’t that sad about it. I mean sure, it’s a very sad thing to have happened, but I can’t really be very attached to people who I never knew. I didn’t really know much about the rest of my family, I was an only child and my few other relatives lived far away. Still, I was grateful for Sarah, we trusted each other and she was kind to me. She didn’t really mind me being at the alcove most of the time; maybe she liked to be alone too.
I suppose the only thing I was ever really that good at in school was maths. I found a simplicity and clarity in the system of number that I could not find anywhere else. Whenever I tried to explain this to anyone, they didn’t understand. Most people think maths is unnecessarily complex and difficult, but this is far from the case. Maths has set parameters and rules which cannot be broken; everything else is random and erratic, as far as I can tell. This affinity for maths likely made me more of an outcast, but I didn’t care. I loved solving equations, and the numbers made perfect sense to me. I guess it was another form of escape for me, really. I liked escaping.
09:42 I got up about half an hour ago and I feel great! I forgot how good it feels to have a proper night's sleep. I got about 8 hours! Must get ready for college now.
09:59 Just washed my hair, at last. It feels so good! All nice and soft.
22:45 Got back from taekwondo about an hour ago and I am now SO tired. Damn two hour long sessions making me want to collapse in a little heap on the floor. I think it's worth it though, I mean I get to break fucking boards! (as well as some other seriously cool shit) Plus I feel like a total ninja doing some of the more awesome moves, so I guess all the pain and deadness is worth it. Damn it, I keep getting distracted (I don't really mind though, plus I already explained this to the person doing all the distracting) and I really don't know what to write about this evening. On top of all that I have to be up at 7:30 tomorrow morning to make a 3 and half hour train journey to Bristol, (another damn open day...) so I need to go to bed soon really. The whole university situation is really getting to me, it's like everyone is trying to tell me what to do, like constantly asking what I'm going to do, when I'm going to do stuff etc. I know it's very important but I would just like to make my own damn decisions about this, I'm practically an adult now and even if I'm not in age I feel I am in maturity. It's annoying though, I can't get people to stop because I know they have good intentions and I don't want to upset them. It all has to be finished so soon as well and I don't see why the fuck it has to be. I mean I won't even start university for at least a year, how long does it take them to fucking 'process' my application? The whole thing is just stressing me out so much and as such is making me feel rather down. It'll be quite exciting to go to Bristol though, simply because I don't have anyone to go with. Not even my parents could take enough pity on me to accompany me there. This means it will be the furthest I will have ever traveled on my own, so if you don't see me around tomorrow it's because something unfortunate happened to me on my travels.
I really can't think of anything else to write, far too tired and also finding it quite hard to care about writing this right now. Sorry guys, I'll be in a better mood tomorrow I promise. I'll leave you with part one of that story I was going on about yesterday, it was written all the way back in January which feels ridiculously long ago. If enough people like it (to be honest I think if one person likes it I will be pretty pleased) then maybe I'll start posting one part of it a week. Hopefully by then I will have also written some more of it (if I can get off my own arse) so it will continue nice and smoothly. That's the plan anyway. But things rarely ever go to plan for me.
One: Beach
I had always liked Bournemouth beach. I liked the feel of the sand between my toes and I liked the soft crash of the waves against the shore. There was a small alcove to the west of the main beach, formed by the cliff face curling around a patch of sand. It was blocked off from the rest of the beach by the cliff face itself, but you could walk along the top and look down there from above. There never seemed to be anyone down there. One day I decided I would go down. The cliff wasn’t steep like other cliffs; it just sort of sloped down towards the beach. Despite this, I still managed to stumble and trip over a lot that first time. Eventually I managed to find my own path down there that I could negotiate without falling over, and I was there every day, after school. That place was special to me because no one else knew how to get down there, so I was never disturbed. It was like an escape for me.
I was a fifteen year old boy and at the time the pressures of adolescence were confusing me. I just wanted to get away. Everyone at school seemed to be pairing up with everyone else, except me. I had never really fit in there anyway. All the other kids wore fashionable clothes and listened to whatever music was in the charts at the time. I wore ‘weird’ clothes and listened to everything that wasn’t in the charts. The majority of them also managed to look good most of the time as well. I had never really thought of myself as very attractive, but it had never really bothered me until now. They had all made fun of me at first and I got quite upset by it, but after a while I just ignored them and they ignored me. Now they just avoid me instead. It feels like I don’t exist most of the time.
The only person who acknowledged me was my aunt. Her name was Sarah, and I’d lived with her in her little cottage for as long as I could remember. I’d been told my parents had died in an accident a long time ago, but I wasn’t that sad about it. I mean sure, it’s a very sad thing to have happened, but I can’t really be very attached to people who I never knew. I didn’t really know much about the rest of my family, I was an only child and my few other relatives lived far away. Still, I was grateful for Sarah, we trusted each other and she was kind to me. She didn’t really mind me being at the alcove most of the time; maybe she liked to be alone too.
I suppose the only thing I was ever really that good at in school was maths. I found a simplicity and clarity in the system of number that I could not find anywhere else. Whenever I tried to explain this to anyone, they didn’t understand. Most people think maths is unnecessarily complex and difficult, but this is far from the case. Maths has set parameters and rules which cannot be broken; everything else is random and erratic, as far as I can tell. This affinity for maths likely made me more of an outcast, but I didn’t care. I loved solving equations, and the numbers made perfect sense to me. I guess it was another form of escape for me, really. I liked escaping.
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
Blogging, v2.0
Going to try a slightly different approach to writing this today. I shall write some now and then some more later and then maybe even more at a later point and so on. This is to try to prevent myself from finishing this thing at about half 1 in the morning and feeling dead when I wake up. Here goes...
18:19 Today has actually been pretty good so far. I went to college and had 4 lessons (all in a row as well!) but I started very early so at least I got the afternoon off. I watched Muse's performance on Jools Holland (forgot to watch it last night, damn irc distracting me...) and they were pretty good, the performance of Uprising was a bit off but they did United States of Eurasia brilliantly. Matt just looked so damn awesome screaming out the EURA-SIA! bits while playing the epic main theme on a huge white piano. I now cannot wait until November (I'm seeing them for the first time!). Also played Ratchet 3 for a couple of hours, I'm now blitzing through challenge mode and should be done with the game soon.
My sleep pattern has gotten so retarded this week, it's ridiculous. I'm getting about 5 hours sleep each night, at first it didn't really affect me but now I am finding it increasingly hard to stay awake during the day. Hopefully my new plan of not staying on irc forever (and writing my blog earlier) will mean I'll stop slipping into unconsciousness all the time. I don't really want to cut back on irc, but I feel I absolutely have to in order to get anything in my life done ever. This is for two reasons, the first and most obvious one is that if I am spending a lot of time doing irc I won't have much time for anything else. The second reason is that if I am on irc for the ridiculous hours that I am currently I am too tired to do anything else. Sorry for going on like that, I suppose it's quite boring to read but I have been thinking about it a lot (what with it beginning to affect me so much).
My hair is really gross today, this is because I didn't have enough time to do it in the morning (what with me oversleeping by half an hour - once again my sleeping habits are at fault). Not only did I not have enough time to sort it out so it looked nice, I also haven't washed it for four days now. I wanted to this morning, but (surprisingly...) I didn't have enough time. I'll do it tomorrow, I don't have to go into college until quite late. At college no one seemed to care about it anyway (but then again why would they?). Another thing that happened at college today (and this is really fucking weird but so awesome at the same time) is that someone actually came up to me and told me how much they liked my blog. I didn't even know that said person read it! This is ridiculous, my musings are surely not that good? It's odd, within just over a week of starting this thing I have unwillingly created a small (but growing) fanbase for myself. I'm not really sure what to think of this. Is it good that people enjoy the stuff I talk about on here? I mean, some of it is pretty fucking odd (well that's how it seems to me anyway). Anyway I would like to say a big thanks to anyone who reads this, you guys have exceeded my expectations (I didn't think I'd get any followers when I started). This is also post number ten and I feel that is a bit of a personal milestone (I know it's not that much, but I didn't think I'd keep going with this for that long. Also FUCK YEAH DOUBLE FIGURES).
I should probably stop right now, I have a growing mountain of homework that I keep neglecting. I'll continue this later.
22:37 I am very very very happy. I got through so much maths homework this evening, I am very proud of myself for suddenly being so productive. It's not even due in tomorrow as well, why am I suddenly loads more organised! It's ridiculous. BUT. That is not the only reason I am happy. Over the past few days I have developed a very real connection with someone. She will always listen to me (no matter how weird I'm being) and she is always concerned if there's something up. We can literally talk about anything together and not get bored, it's so awesome. I know these things might not seem that massive, but to me it's very comforting to know that I have someone like that to talk to. I rarely do either, so it's quite a nice change for me. I would just like to say thank you to said person, you have helped me in so many ways.
I listened to Modest Mouse a lot today. I must've listened to that one album I have at least 5 times in a row earlier, but it is justified excessive listening because the album is SO DAMN GOOD. I also listened to The Beatles quite a lot (I put Please Please Me onto the computer and went through the other two albums again) and surprise, they are still just as awesome as before. I have been listening to various Muse songs on shuffle for the past couple of hours, I'm really getting back into them what with the release of their new album and all. I also really like The Resistance now, some of the tracks are stupendously good. I don't hate any of them anymore either, which is good. I have also gotten Lucy into Neutral Milk Hotel which is awesome, they are one of my favourite bands. I owed her a musical favour anyway what with Modest Mouse, so now we're even.
My mother has been doing me a few favours (really useful ones as well) in the last couple of days, which is surprisingly uncharacteristic of her. Yesterday she sorted out my duvet so that the cover (I took the cover off in summer as I didn't want the duvet itself, it was too warm. I was then obviously too lazy to put it back on when it got colder again) was back on and so that it didn't look like I had stabbed someone in my bed anymore. She also gave me a pinboard yesterday with like a million pins in it. It's so good, I've always wanted one of those things so I can just pin random shit onto my wall. Speak of the devil, she just came in the room and started obsessing over all the random junk that she thinks should be tidied away or given to my brothers or other meaningless things. She also took away most of my lego today. It's a relief to have a bit more space, but I was quite sad to see it go. I like my random junk! I don't want my room to be tidy, it's fine the way it is. I don't see her logic anyway as I'll be leaving home in a years time, a year more of living in a not very tidy room isn't going to make much difference surely? I will actually be quite sad to leave my room, in the however many years I've lived in it I have made it my own. It's a bit heartbreaking to think of it being used as a spare room or whatever once I'm gone...
Something I have been thinking about a lot since I started this thing is my story that I started writing earlier this year. Many of you will not be familiar (if any) with it, so I will give you a brief overview. I had a really weird but awesome dream (it was also very long and had the essence of a plot and everything) sometime around the beginning of this year and it was so good I decided I'd write it down (just so I could remember it later). Pretty soon this turned into me starting a story based on it, although not entirely the same, a lot of the key details were missing from the dream (such as names for the characters) and the plot was very vague. As a result the more of it I wrote the more I started having to make up rather than use the dream as a solid template. This only made the experience all the more rewarding and fun though, so I kept writing it in short instalments all the way up until May, when I decided to stop to concentrate on exams. Over summer I was too unmotivated to do anything about it so it just sat there unfinished for ages. I tried to start writing it again but it was too hard when I did as I hadn't actually written anything for several months. However, since I started this blog it's like my writing gears and cogs (and my creative levers and pulleys) are slowly whirring back into action after lying dormant for so long. I feel like my brain is gradually getting back into the rhythm of writing, which is great, after all it is one of my favourite things to do. So, this is the question: Should I have a crack at starting the story again? Or should I just leave it to rest, forever unfinished? Okay so that's two questions, but I'd still love to hear your thoughts on the matter. If I did keep it going I would post all of the old parts of it onto here, of which there are currently 7. If you would like me to do this please don't hesitate to ask, it's nice to find someone who is actually interested in my writing.
Another question I would like to ask you guys is: Do you like the new blog format? I know it's not that different, but it somehow feels better to write it in parts at different times of the day. Your opinions on the matter would be very much appreciated.
...and so concludes my 10th post. Sorry it was so damn long/disjointed.
18:19 Today has actually been pretty good so far. I went to college and had 4 lessons (all in a row as well!) but I started very early so at least I got the afternoon off. I watched Muse's performance on Jools Holland (forgot to watch it last night, damn irc distracting me...) and they were pretty good, the performance of Uprising was a bit off but they did United States of Eurasia brilliantly. Matt just looked so damn awesome screaming out the EURA-SIA! bits while playing the epic main theme on a huge white piano. I now cannot wait until November (I'm seeing them for the first time!). Also played Ratchet 3 for a couple of hours, I'm now blitzing through challenge mode and should be done with the game soon.
My sleep pattern has gotten so retarded this week, it's ridiculous. I'm getting about 5 hours sleep each night, at first it didn't really affect me but now I am finding it increasingly hard to stay awake during the day. Hopefully my new plan of not staying on irc forever (and writing my blog earlier) will mean I'll stop slipping into unconsciousness all the time. I don't really want to cut back on irc, but I feel I absolutely have to in order to get anything in my life done ever. This is for two reasons, the first and most obvious one is that if I am spending a lot of time doing irc I won't have much time for anything else. The second reason is that if I am on irc for the ridiculous hours that I am currently I am too tired to do anything else. Sorry for going on like that, I suppose it's quite boring to read but I have been thinking about it a lot (what with it beginning to affect me so much).
My hair is really gross today, this is because I didn't have enough time to do it in the morning (what with me oversleeping by half an hour - once again my sleeping habits are at fault). Not only did I not have enough time to sort it out so it looked nice, I also haven't washed it for four days now. I wanted to this morning, but (surprisingly...) I didn't have enough time. I'll do it tomorrow, I don't have to go into college until quite late. At college no one seemed to care about it anyway (but then again why would they?). Another thing that happened at college today (and this is really fucking weird but so awesome at the same time) is that someone actually came up to me and told me how much they liked my blog. I didn't even know that said person read it! This is ridiculous, my musings are surely not that good? It's odd, within just over a week of starting this thing I have unwillingly created a small (but growing) fanbase for myself. I'm not really sure what to think of this. Is it good that people enjoy the stuff I talk about on here? I mean, some of it is pretty fucking odd (well that's how it seems to me anyway). Anyway I would like to say a big thanks to anyone who reads this, you guys have exceeded my expectations (I didn't think I'd get any followers when I started). This is also post number ten and I feel that is a bit of a personal milestone (I know it's not that much, but I didn't think I'd keep going with this for that long. Also FUCK YEAH DOUBLE FIGURES).
I should probably stop right now, I have a growing mountain of homework that I keep neglecting. I'll continue this later.
22:37 I am very very very happy. I got through so much maths homework this evening, I am very proud of myself for suddenly being so productive. It's not even due in tomorrow as well, why am I suddenly loads more organised! It's ridiculous. BUT. That is not the only reason I am happy. Over the past few days I have developed a very real connection with someone. She will always listen to me (no matter how weird I'm being) and she is always concerned if there's something up. We can literally talk about anything together and not get bored, it's so awesome. I know these things might not seem that massive, but to me it's very comforting to know that I have someone like that to talk to. I rarely do either, so it's quite a nice change for me. I would just like to say thank you to said person, you have helped me in so many ways.
I listened to Modest Mouse a lot today. I must've listened to that one album I have at least 5 times in a row earlier, but it is justified excessive listening because the album is SO DAMN GOOD. I also listened to The Beatles quite a lot (I put Please Please Me onto the computer and went through the other two albums again) and surprise, they are still just as awesome as before. I have been listening to various Muse songs on shuffle for the past couple of hours, I'm really getting back into them what with the release of their new album and all. I also really like The Resistance now, some of the tracks are stupendously good. I don't hate any of them anymore either, which is good. I have also gotten Lucy into Neutral Milk Hotel which is awesome, they are one of my favourite bands. I owed her a musical favour anyway what with Modest Mouse, so now we're even.
My mother has been doing me a few favours (really useful ones as well) in the last couple of days, which is surprisingly uncharacteristic of her. Yesterday she sorted out my duvet so that the cover (I took the cover off in summer as I didn't want the duvet itself, it was too warm. I was then obviously too lazy to put it back on when it got colder again) was back on and so that it didn't look like I had stabbed someone in my bed anymore. She also gave me a pinboard yesterday with like a million pins in it. It's so good, I've always wanted one of those things so I can just pin random shit onto my wall. Speak of the devil, she just came in the room and started obsessing over all the random junk that she thinks should be tidied away or given to my brothers or other meaningless things. She also took away most of my lego today. It's a relief to have a bit more space, but I was quite sad to see it go. I like my random junk! I don't want my room to be tidy, it's fine the way it is. I don't see her logic anyway as I'll be leaving home in a years time, a year more of living in a not very tidy room isn't going to make much difference surely? I will actually be quite sad to leave my room, in the however many years I've lived in it I have made it my own. It's a bit heartbreaking to think of it being used as a spare room or whatever once I'm gone...
Something I have been thinking about a lot since I started this thing is my story that I started writing earlier this year. Many of you will not be familiar (if any) with it, so I will give you a brief overview. I had a really weird but awesome dream (it was also very long and had the essence of a plot and everything) sometime around the beginning of this year and it was so good I decided I'd write it down (just so I could remember it later). Pretty soon this turned into me starting a story based on it, although not entirely the same, a lot of the key details were missing from the dream (such as names for the characters) and the plot was very vague. As a result the more of it I wrote the more I started having to make up rather than use the dream as a solid template. This only made the experience all the more rewarding and fun though, so I kept writing it in short instalments all the way up until May, when I decided to stop to concentrate on exams. Over summer I was too unmotivated to do anything about it so it just sat there unfinished for ages. I tried to start writing it again but it was too hard when I did as I hadn't actually written anything for several months. However, since I started this blog it's like my writing gears and cogs (and my creative levers and pulleys) are slowly whirring back into action after lying dormant for so long. I feel like my brain is gradually getting back into the rhythm of writing, which is great, after all it is one of my favourite things to do. So, this is the question: Should I have a crack at starting the story again? Or should I just leave it to rest, forever unfinished? Okay so that's two questions, but I'd still love to hear your thoughts on the matter. If I did keep it going I would post all of the old parts of it onto here, of which there are currently 7. If you would like me to do this please don't hesitate to ask, it's nice to find someone who is actually interested in my writing.
Another question I would like to ask you guys is: Do you like the new blog format? I know it's not that different, but it somehow feels better to write it in parts at different times of the day. Your opinions on the matter would be very much appreciated.
...and so concludes my 10th post. Sorry it was so damn long/disjointed.
WONGA
Quote of the Day - 'If it takes shit to make bliss then I feel pretty blissfully' - Modest Mouse
I should really start these things earlier on in the evening, its currently 8 minutes past midnight and I have to be up in less than 7 hours. Fuck fuck fuck. I also decided I should probably cut down on my usage of the computer as well... As it is I spend way too much time on it and end up with nowhere near enough sleep. Thinking about it, I don't really see what the point is of the vast majority of stuff I do on the computer anyway. Thinking about this today made me feel pretty low, what with my current day to day life just consisting of get up/college/go home/sit on computer for hours/get minimal sleep. I thought about things far too much today, it wasn't very good. Part of the problem was that I had nothing to distract me in the several hours between getting home from college and dinner. That's a lie actually, I had several things with which to distract myself but they all grew boring pretty quickly. I should really have done something productive (i.e. HOMEWORK MOUNTAIN) but I didn't. I suppose I just need a bit of time to get back into the swing of things after the summer break. From now on, I will be cutting back on my internet usage (or at least trying to) and mostly using it for the things I really care about. I say this, and yet I am still here. Oh well, never mind.
In less shitty news, I have made a new friend recently. Her name is Lucy, but she likes to be called WONGA (if you don't know what WONGA is watch this) or Nev and she is also a cranbauxer. She is really into pokémon like me and is a total artist (which I am impressed by, I have always wanted to be good at art but have never had the perseverance or skill). She sent me about a million of her drawings, paintings and the like over msn, some of them are very good indeed. She seems to have a very active imagination too, a lot of the pictures were of pokémon she had invented. They weren't really shitty pokémon either, they were awesome and I really liked them. We are going to invent some pokémon together, we decided. I am very excited about this, as you can probably imagine. She is also older than me (only slightly though) so it makes me happy that there are people out there who are also pokémon obsessives but probably shouldn't be (as they are too old). Nev also showed me bits of her room via webcam, she has a hell of a lot of animal bones (including an entire fox skeleton). She also keeps several live animals, including giant land snails, which are fairly awesome. I liked her room a lot, I was even a bit jealous. Mine sucks in comparison. I also like her quite a lot, she's weird, but that's just the way I like people. She doesn't react negatively to me being weird, which is pretty nice.
On a related note (related to animal bones) Louis had a whole box of fucking animal skulls in college yesterday. No really. They're for art (apparently). This also reminds me, I'm supposed to advertise his and Adam's webcomic, which is also up here on blogspot. I told him I would several days ago, my short term memory must be very poor. Here it is: Something Standard. It's pretty weird, but not as much so as I am. So if you enjoy my blog you're likely to enjoy the comic. I find them pretty damn funny, if I'm honest.
Had a nice little chat with thizzley about what we will do when we grow up. Not going to go into it here, but suffice to say it made me happy. She was the highlight of my day yet again, bless her. I don't really know why, but it was just really comforting talking to her. It made me feel a lot better despite me being stuck in a load of crap right now in my life. All this shit in my life is just moving so fast right now, I feel quite lost. She helps me to forget about it all, if only for a while. I'm so grateful for her.
I am currently listening to Modest Mouse. They are one of those bands I have always wanted to get into but never really bothered. I torrented their album Good News For People Who Love Bad News today with instruction from Nev, so thanks to her because it is a truly great album. I would recommend it to anyone who hasn't already got it, it's so good. I am also seeing District 9 with Matt on Sunday, which I am very excited about. A few people I know have seen it already and they say it's really good, so I can't wait!
Really tired now, no idea how this took over an hour to write. See y'all (sorry thizzley) tomorrow!
I should really start these things earlier on in the evening, its currently 8 minutes past midnight and I have to be up in less than 7 hours. Fuck fuck fuck. I also decided I should probably cut down on my usage of the computer as well... As it is I spend way too much time on it and end up with nowhere near enough sleep. Thinking about it, I don't really see what the point is of the vast majority of stuff I do on the computer anyway. Thinking about this today made me feel pretty low, what with my current day to day life just consisting of get up/college/go home/sit on computer for hours/get minimal sleep. I thought about things far too much today, it wasn't very good. Part of the problem was that I had nothing to distract me in the several hours between getting home from college and dinner. That's a lie actually, I had several things with which to distract myself but they all grew boring pretty quickly. I should really have done something productive (i.e. HOMEWORK MOUNTAIN) but I didn't. I suppose I just need a bit of time to get back into the swing of things after the summer break. From now on, I will be cutting back on my internet usage (or at least trying to) and mostly using it for the things I really care about. I say this, and yet I am still here. Oh well, never mind.
In less shitty news, I have made a new friend recently. Her name is Lucy, but she likes to be called WONGA (if you don't know what WONGA is watch this) or Nev and she is also a cranbauxer. She is really into pokémon like me and is a total artist (which I am impressed by, I have always wanted to be good at art but have never had the perseverance or skill). She sent me about a million of her drawings, paintings and the like over msn, some of them are very good indeed. She seems to have a very active imagination too, a lot of the pictures were of pokémon she had invented. They weren't really shitty pokémon either, they were awesome and I really liked them. We are going to invent some pokémon together, we decided. I am very excited about this, as you can probably imagine. She is also older than me (only slightly though) so it makes me happy that there are people out there who are also pokémon obsessives but probably shouldn't be (as they are too old). Nev also showed me bits of her room via webcam, she has a hell of a lot of animal bones (including an entire fox skeleton). She also keeps several live animals, including giant land snails, which are fairly awesome. I liked her room a lot, I was even a bit jealous. Mine sucks in comparison. I also like her quite a lot, she's weird, but that's just the way I like people. She doesn't react negatively to me being weird, which is pretty nice.
On a related note (related to animal bones) Louis had a whole box of fucking animal skulls in college yesterday. No really. They're for art (apparently). This also reminds me, I'm supposed to advertise his and Adam's webcomic, which is also up here on blogspot. I told him I would several days ago, my short term memory must be very poor. Here it is: Something Standard. It's pretty weird, but not as much so as I am. So if you enjoy my blog you're likely to enjoy the comic. I find them pretty damn funny, if I'm honest.
Had a nice little chat with thizzley about what we will do when we grow up. Not going to go into it here, but suffice to say it made me happy. She was the highlight of my day yet again, bless her. I don't really know why, but it was just really comforting talking to her. It made me feel a lot better despite me being stuck in a load of crap right now in my life. All this shit in my life is just moving so fast right now, I feel quite lost. She helps me to forget about it all, if only for a while. I'm so grateful for her.
I am currently listening to Modest Mouse. They are one of those bands I have always wanted to get into but never really bothered. I torrented their album Good News For People Who Love Bad News today with instruction from Nev, so thanks to her because it is a truly great album. I would recommend it to anyone who hasn't already got it, it's so good. I am also seeing District 9 with Matt on Sunday, which I am very excited about. A few people I know have seen it already and they say it's really good, so I can't wait!
Really tired now, no idea how this took over an hour to write. See y'all (sorry thizzley) tomorrow!
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
NUMERO EIGHTO
Okay, this post will be short as I really can't be bothered this evening and it is already REALLY LATE. Also, as this is my eighth post (corr, that's a lot already!) old posts will start disappearing from my home page. This is because the default number of posts displayed on a blogspot page is 7, so if you want to read my older posts (I don't know why would you would personally, but here you are...) just locate them within the archives.
I have come to hate Mondays with a passion. Last year they were bad enough (5 lessons in a row) but this year they're just taking the piss. I have periods 1 and 2 in the morning (meaning 8:30am start!) and then a gap of about 3 hours (comprised of 2 free periods and lunch break) followed by double fucking physics in the last two periods of the day (over 2 hours of solid physics theory hurts my brain...). This means I am in college in the hours 8:30-16:20, which is the most I could possibly be in college for in one day. IT'S NOT FAIR. Towards the end of lunch I was so fucking tired and bored that I ended up daydreaming, something not that uncommon to me. I was sitting amongst my friends outside and they were all in conversation but I wasn't really paying attention. I had Coffee & TV by Blur playing in one ear very loudly and I just got lost in the music. It's such a powerful song, I could go into all the awesome things about it here and now but it would probably bore the crap out of you, so I won't. I decided it is probably my favourite song of all time though, I just love getting lost in all the distorted guitars and blurred lyrics.
While I listened I daydreamed, specifically about one person in particular (guess who). I sat there in the grass and thought wistfully about how I wished I could be talking to her rather than stuck at college for another 3 or so hours. How pathetic of me, I think to myself about 12 hours later as I am sat typing. Oh well, I don't CARE. When I got home I felt midly depressed and really tired for the rest of the afternoon/early evening, but never mind. At least I managed to complete Ratchet 3! (although I was falling asleep playing it. This was at about 7:30pm, what the fuck). I'm currently playing through it again in Challenge Mode (same game only harder and you have access to more stuff, becomes available after you complete main game) and it is still ridiculous fun. Later on in the evening, my wishes were fulfilled! I have now been talking to thizzley for several hours straight and it has been AWESOME. She is the shit, seriously. In our eventual house we will have a room that is just filled with towels and socks, it shall be called "Jizzley's and Cuntfish's den". Jizzley is my nickname for her, in case I didn't tell you before. I should probably point out that these socks and towels will be clean (should be obvious...) laundry and will therefore be very warm and nice smelling. This is a very important detail.
I shall end this one in a rather impromptu fashion by saying to you:
I DON'T WANT TO BE WRITING THIS. THE END. (not my idea, believe me)
I have come to hate Mondays with a passion. Last year they were bad enough (5 lessons in a row) but this year they're just taking the piss. I have periods 1 and 2 in the morning (meaning 8:30am start!) and then a gap of about 3 hours (comprised of 2 free periods and lunch break) followed by double fucking physics in the last two periods of the day (over 2 hours of solid physics theory hurts my brain...). This means I am in college in the hours 8:30-16:20, which is the most I could possibly be in college for in one day. IT'S NOT FAIR. Towards the end of lunch I was so fucking tired and bored that I ended up daydreaming, something not that uncommon to me. I was sitting amongst my friends outside and they were all in conversation but I wasn't really paying attention. I had Coffee & TV by Blur playing in one ear very loudly and I just got lost in the music. It's such a powerful song, I could go into all the awesome things about it here and now but it would probably bore the crap out of you, so I won't. I decided it is probably my favourite song of all time though, I just love getting lost in all the distorted guitars and blurred lyrics.
While I listened I daydreamed, specifically about one person in particular (guess who). I sat there in the grass and thought wistfully about how I wished I could be talking to her rather than stuck at college for another 3 or so hours. How pathetic of me, I think to myself about 12 hours later as I am sat typing. Oh well, I don't CARE. When I got home I felt midly depressed and really tired for the rest of the afternoon/early evening, but never mind. At least I managed to complete Ratchet 3! (although I was falling asleep playing it. This was at about 7:30pm, what the fuck). I'm currently playing through it again in Challenge Mode (same game only harder and you have access to more stuff, becomes available after you complete main game) and it is still ridiculous fun. Later on in the evening, my wishes were fulfilled! I have now been talking to thizzley for several hours straight and it has been AWESOME. She is the shit, seriously. In our eventual house we will have a room that is just filled with towels and socks, it shall be called "Jizzley's and Cuntfish's den". Jizzley is my nickname for her, in case I didn't tell you before. I should probably point out that these socks and towels will be clean (should be obvious...) laundry and will therefore be very warm and nice smelling. This is a very important detail.
I shall end this one in a rather impromptu fashion by saying to you:
I DON'T WANT TO BE WRITING THIS. THE END. (not my idea, believe me)
Monday, 14 September 2009
Want a go on my horn?
Today was pretty much AWESOME. This is for a few reasons.
1. I spent a very long time talking to thizzley (I still am!)
Possibly the happiest thing about today was the fact that as soon as I woke up, there she was on irc. I talked to her all morning (morning only lasted about an hour after I woke up anyway) and then all the way through the afternoon until 3pm, so about 4 hours. She is so awesome and nice, I love talking to her. She actually stayed up all the way until 7am just talking to me! I was very, VERY flattered. We also did quite a lot of drawings and most of them were absolutely shit (what did you expect...) but I did save three of the better ones. I'm sure she won't mind so here they are:
This one was actually done entirely by her (so it is of course also the best one...). I should probably explain here that my nickname on irc is corpish (long story...) and this in itself is based on the pokémon Corphish (more on pokémon later, yes I am a complete pokémon nerd...). Anyway, thizzley likes to affectionately call me cuntfish (she says it is both hilarious and cute at the same time. I'm kind of inclined to agree with her). I absolutely love the picture and was extremely flattered when she unveiled it to me. It's so awesome! The second picture I shall show you is:
This is of course what the title of this particular post is taken from. As you may have already picked up, thizzley and I are pretty childish (screw that, we're VERY childish) and this is basically that side of us in it's full form. Thizzley started out drawing a horse and then putting a really big horn on it. There wasn't anything indecent about it until I intervened (oh yeah) and wrote the said caption on the picture. I then decided it's tail would look better on fire, so we both came to the conclusion that it is clearly a Rapidash (more damn pokémon...). A very horny one too, by the looks of things. Third picture:
There's a lot going on in this one, it's basically an amalgamation of loads of shit we were coming up with off the top of our heads. There was a lot of this stuff being drawn, I just felt like saving this one. Probably because of the amount of detail and time we put into it, I suppose. There are several references to the game Dino Run in here, kudos if you already spotted them, I'm impressed. Dino Run is a game where you basically control a small dinosaur and have him run away from things in order to survive. It's ridiculous fun and I played it a lot with my friend Matt about two years ago. What was good about it was that when we started playing it was very new, so we were pretty much the only players in the online game and had it all to ourselves. I stopped about a month later because loads of little kids started playing and they just got on my nerves too much in the end. It's weird, although I stopped playing almost two years ago Dino Run keeps coming back into my life and affecting it in some way. It sounds ridiculous but think about thizzley, for example. If it weren't for both of us being Dino Run veterans we wouldn't know each other, and that would be pretty shit. She has affected my life somewhat, so there's the proof. N.B. I made the last picture bigger so that you can see the details better.
2. The new pokémon games were released in Japan this weekend
Keep meaning to mention this, but I am getting silly with excitement over the two new pokémon games. In case you didn't know, they are called HeartGold and SoulSilver. They are remakes of the old games Gold and Silver, which are still my two favourite pokémon games anyway. They were released in Japan on Saturday and as such there is a hell of a lot of information emerging on the internet about them. They look absolutely awesome, but I won't spend ages writing about them (it'd make for very boring reading anyway). Instead, I will direct you to http://serebii.net/index2.shtml where they are holding a rather extensive coverage of the games.
3. I went to Owen's house and got a bunch of other Beatles albums
I also went to see Owen in the evening and we played a game of Warbands (a variant on Warhammer) which was fun as I had never played before. I lost, but I wasn't really expecting to win. He also gave me 5 Beatles albums to borrow! I now have in my possession Please Please Me, Let it Be... Naked, Rubber Soul, Magical Mystery Tour and Help!. I think it will be the most amount of music to be put onto my computer legally for a long time.
I played pokémon this morning for the first time in a while for a simple reason. TO CATCH A CORPHISH. I actually ended up catching two, I nicknamed one corpish (in memory of the awesomeness of cranbaux) and the other cuntfish (for thizzley). I also attempted some maths homework but I couldn't do it... oh well, I shall take the consequences tomorrow I expect. I went to Taekwondo as well which was fun but tiring as usual. In other news, I have to be up at 7am tomorrow and it is currently 1:17am. It's not looking so good for me...
1. I spent a very long time talking to thizzley (I still am!)
Possibly the happiest thing about today was the fact that as soon as I woke up, there she was on irc. I talked to her all morning (morning only lasted about an hour after I woke up anyway) and then all the way through the afternoon until 3pm, so about 4 hours. She is so awesome and nice, I love talking to her. She actually stayed up all the way until 7am just talking to me! I was very, VERY flattered. We also did quite a lot of drawings and most of them were absolutely shit (what did you expect...) but I did save three of the better ones. I'm sure she won't mind so here they are:
2. The new pokémon games were released in Japan this weekend
Keep meaning to mention this, but I am getting silly with excitement over the two new pokémon games. In case you didn't know, they are called HeartGold and SoulSilver. They are remakes of the old games Gold and Silver, which are still my two favourite pokémon games anyway. They were released in Japan on Saturday and as such there is a hell of a lot of information emerging on the internet about them. They look absolutely awesome, but I won't spend ages writing about them (it'd make for very boring reading anyway). Instead, I will direct you to http://serebii.net/index2.shtml where they are holding a rather extensive coverage of the games.
3. I went to Owen's house and got a bunch of other Beatles albums
I also went to see Owen in the evening and we played a game of Warbands (a variant on Warhammer) which was fun as I had never played before. I lost, but I wasn't really expecting to win. He also gave me 5 Beatles albums to borrow! I now have in my possession Please Please Me, Let it Be... Naked, Rubber Soul, Magical Mystery Tour and Help!. I think it will be the most amount of music to be put onto my computer legally for a long time.
I played pokémon this morning for the first time in a while for a simple reason. TO CATCH A CORPHISH. I actually ended up catching two, I nicknamed one corpish (in memory of the awesomeness of cranbaux) and the other cuntfish (for thizzley). I also attempted some maths homework but I couldn't do it... oh well, I shall take the consequences tomorrow I expect. I went to Taekwondo as well which was fun but tiring as usual. In other news, I have to be up at 7am tomorrow and it is currently 1:17am. It's not looking so good for me...
Sunday, 13 September 2009
Love is the only thing that keeps me sane
Quote of the Day - 'To lead a better life... I need my love to be here' - The Beatles
First off, I'd like to apologise for the total depress-fest yesterday. Just because I'm having some problems with myself, doesn't mean you should have to hear all about them. I needed to get it out of my system though, and actually writing about it helped me to understand my thoughts better. Moving right along...
I went to visit Birmingham university today with my mother. It was pretty nice, I was impressed with it quite a lot. I didn't like the campus that much though, there were too many tall buildings and you get the feeling of being trapped, which obviously isn't nice. Although, once you moved away from the main part of the campus it wasn't actually that bad, a lot quieter and less huge. The chemical engineering department was also very impressive, which is obviously good for me personally. Maybe I shall apply there, I don't really know right now. The journey was hell, both there and back... it took at least 4 hours either way and we had to get 4 trains on the way there, 5 on the way back. FIVE TRAINS. WHAT THE FUCK. On the way there I decided to listen to albums all the way through, I don't know why but I like just listening to a good album all the way through. I listened to (in order):
Muse - The Resistance
The Beatles - Revolver
The Beatles - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band
Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
The Strokes - Is This It
It was a good day for listening to music. The Resistance is definitely growing on me, which is good (obviously). I still have a few issues with some of the tracks, but it's getting better the more I listen to it. As you can probably tell, I'm still totally hooked on The Beatles, they're just amazing. Must find more albums by them soon. The other two albums I listened to are kind of old favourites of mine and they are in general two of my favourite albums to listen to.
What with both journeys taking an age, I spent a lot of time just looking out the window thinking. I have come the conclusion quite a long time ago that I think way too fucking much about everything. I thought about everything I was thinking about yesterday, although this time I suppose it was from a retrospective angle, as I didn't like break down on the train or anything. As I watched all the sullen estates, dilapidated buildings and disused parks go past I couldn't help thinking to myself "what's the point?". Not like yesterday, when I was merely questioning myself. What I meant by this question is "what's the point in anything?". I became pretty apathetic again and I think my mother noticed a couple of times because she kept asking if I was alright. I just said I was thinking. Which is actually entirely true.
When I got in I basically collapsed on the sofa, I was so fucking tired. Remind me not to make that journey again for a while. Have been on my computer for the last few hours, but it hasn't been entirely unproductive. I had a little acoustic jam and sung some songs until my mother spoilt it and made me stop (she sucks). I did however learn Here, There and Everywhere which I am pretty pleased about. It's a really stripped back love song, quite slow and warm. It's not really lovey-dovey romantic or anything like that, (I don't usually like stuff like that anyway) it's just a nice honest account of someone's feelings for another. There is also a deep longing within the lyrics which I feel I can relate to (I particularly like the opening line: "To lead a better life... I need my love to be here."). The narrative (it's sung in first person) also seems to me to be written through the eyes of a naive teenager, maintaining that fantasy of a perfect love ("Each one believing that love never dies..."). I can also relate to this.
I had a nosebleed earlier, it was so sudden and actually quite painful. Blood dripped all over the duvet (for you silly Americans, you pronounce it DOOVAY) so now it looks like I've stabbed someone in my bed. Other than that, I actually seem to be feeling quite a bit better. This is pretty much all down to one person and I would like to just extend my thanks to this person, you are wonderful. They should know who they are.
First off, I'd like to apologise for the total depress-fest yesterday. Just because I'm having some problems with myself, doesn't mean you should have to hear all about them. I needed to get it out of my system though, and actually writing about it helped me to understand my thoughts better. Moving right along...
I went to visit Birmingham university today with my mother. It was pretty nice, I was impressed with it quite a lot. I didn't like the campus that much though, there were too many tall buildings and you get the feeling of being trapped, which obviously isn't nice. Although, once you moved away from the main part of the campus it wasn't actually that bad, a lot quieter and less huge. The chemical engineering department was also very impressive, which is obviously good for me personally. Maybe I shall apply there, I don't really know right now. The journey was hell, both there and back... it took at least 4 hours either way and we had to get 4 trains on the way there, 5 on the way back. FIVE TRAINS. WHAT THE FUCK. On the way there I decided to listen to albums all the way through, I don't know why but I like just listening to a good album all the way through. I listened to (in order):
Muse - The Resistance
The Beatles - Revolver
The Beatles - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band
Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
The Strokes - Is This It
It was a good day for listening to music. The Resistance is definitely growing on me, which is good (obviously). I still have a few issues with some of the tracks, but it's getting better the more I listen to it. As you can probably tell, I'm still totally hooked on The Beatles, they're just amazing. Must find more albums by them soon. The other two albums I listened to are kind of old favourites of mine and they are in general two of my favourite albums to listen to.
What with both journeys taking an age, I spent a lot of time just looking out the window thinking. I have come the conclusion quite a long time ago that I think way too fucking much about everything. I thought about everything I was thinking about yesterday, although this time I suppose it was from a retrospective angle, as I didn't like break down on the train or anything. As I watched all the sullen estates, dilapidated buildings and disused parks go past I couldn't help thinking to myself "what's the point?". Not like yesterday, when I was merely questioning myself. What I meant by this question is "what's the point in anything?". I became pretty apathetic again and I think my mother noticed a couple of times because she kept asking if I was alright. I just said I was thinking. Which is actually entirely true.
When I got in I basically collapsed on the sofa, I was so fucking tired. Remind me not to make that journey again for a while. Have been on my computer for the last few hours, but it hasn't been entirely unproductive. I had a little acoustic jam and sung some songs until my mother spoilt it and made me stop (she sucks). I did however learn Here, There and Everywhere which I am pretty pleased about. It's a really stripped back love song, quite slow and warm. It's not really lovey-dovey romantic or anything like that, (I don't usually like stuff like that anyway) it's just a nice honest account of someone's feelings for another. There is also a deep longing within the lyrics which I feel I can relate to (I particularly like the opening line: "To lead a better life... I need my love to be here."). The narrative (it's sung in first person) also seems to me to be written through the eyes of a naive teenager, maintaining that fantasy of a perfect love ("Each one believing that love never dies..."). I can also relate to this.
I had a nosebleed earlier, it was so sudden and actually quite painful. Blood dripped all over the duvet (for you silly Americans, you pronounce it DOOVAY) so now it looks like I've stabbed someone in my bed. Other than that, I actually seem to be feeling quite a bit better. This is pretty much all down to one person and I would like to just extend my thanks to this person, you are wonderful. They should know who they are.
Saturday, 12 September 2009
I don't even fucking know anymore
Okay, so today was alright right up until college finished. Oddly enough, college was probably the best part of today. When I got home I slipped into a state where I gradually got more and more apathetic until I just didn't care or feel. I swear, I'm so fucking pathetic sometimes. Got thinking a lot about love, which is always a bad idea when you're me. I ended up feeling so lonely (I should probably explain here that I have been single for almost a year now and barely ever have anything resembling a relationship ever. That's pretty shit when you're 17) and I thought some fairly horrible things. Firstly, I came to the conclusion that if I have known anyone long enough in person (and this doesn't usually have to be very long) then I will be too scared to even consider being in a relationship with them. It doesn't even matter who the fuck they are either, it applies to everyone as far as I can tell (guys are obviously irrevelant as I am not gay). This is clearly very depressing because it means that I can essentially only be in a relationship with someone if I develop some kind of feelings for them very soon after I meet them. This is obviously very difficult to pull off and extremely unlikely to happen, which explains why my only two relationships that I've ever had have started with me getting to know them not in person first (i.e. over the internet etc.). Now, this is not something I am very proud of and I am aware that it is generally frowned upon by society, but I don't fucking know what I am supposed to do about it. Obviously approaching relationships in this way brings up a whole host of new problems so that's just great. None of the above should actually matter anyway, because no girl in their right mind would want me. Which brings me onto point two.
I seem to have been born with the complete wrong personality for any of this relationship shit. First off, I'm really fucking weird. People don't say it because people are too polite but I often get the distinct impression that people are looking at me like "what the fuck is up with that guy?". I notice this a lot more with girls (for obvious reasons) but I notice it with a lot of people, both male and female. I should probably explain at this point that by people I mean my peers (not really my friends, more all the people similar my age). I have a very introspective personality as well (you probably already noticed) which doesn't help, I get so fucking caught up in myself. Girls probably just think I'm some kind of depressed twat. I'm not, I'm just different. I don't seem to be able to handle any of this shit either, I just get too agitated/nervous/scared/whatever you want to use. This links back to what I was saying earlier. I have no idea why I am like this, but its fucking stupid. It seems like I'm expected to know what I'm doing now, it's like "hey Harry, you're 17 now, you MUST have had a ton of relationship experience, we're sure you can cope, we'll just leave you to it" when in actual fact I've hardly had any experience, all I've had is two relationships which both fizzled out within weeks. I've gone as far as light petting (what a strange term), for fuck sake. Which is even more depressing because it seems like everyone has got to the "you MUST have had a ton of relationship experience..." stage as a bare minimum.
THIRDLY. What the fuck is the point of love anyway? The way I see it, love is just something two people do (for lack of a better word) when they like each other a lot. It never lasts anyway, "love" is only a temporary thing. Someone always throws it back into your face, or something happens which means it all turns to shit. Love isn't worth it and is probably the single most overrated piece of shit ever. Also, why the fuck do people have to make it so complicated? I don't see why humans have to act in this way, it makes no sense. Nothing even matters anyway, everything is temporary, we aren't even specks on the surface of anything we're so fucking small. So why should I care about any of this? I don't even know anymore. I know that I think these things, but I also know that I really want to be loved. So much it hurts. I also have so much to give. Sure, I'm pretty different, but underneath all of this shit that I have described I have a hell of a lot of love. It just needs someone to go to. It seems like that doesn't make any difference though.
I seem to have been born with the complete wrong personality for any of this relationship shit. First off, I'm really fucking weird. People don't say it because people are too polite but I often get the distinct impression that people are looking at me like "what the fuck is up with that guy?". I notice this a lot more with girls (for obvious reasons) but I notice it with a lot of people, both male and female. I should probably explain at this point that by people I mean my peers (not really my friends, more all the people similar my age). I have a very introspective personality as well (you probably already noticed) which doesn't help, I get so fucking caught up in myself. Girls probably just think I'm some kind of depressed twat. I'm not, I'm just different. I don't seem to be able to handle any of this shit either, I just get too agitated/nervous/scared/whatever you want to use. This links back to what I was saying earlier. I have no idea why I am like this, but its fucking stupid. It seems like I'm expected to know what I'm doing now, it's like "hey Harry, you're 17 now, you MUST have had a ton of relationship experience, we're sure you can cope, we'll just leave you to it" when in actual fact I've hardly had any experience, all I've had is two relationships which both fizzled out within weeks. I've gone as far as light petting (what a strange term), for fuck sake. Which is even more depressing because it seems like everyone has got to the "you MUST have had a ton of relationship experience..." stage as a bare minimum.
THIRDLY. What the fuck is the point of love anyway? The way I see it, love is just something two people do (for lack of a better word) when they like each other a lot. It never lasts anyway, "love" is only a temporary thing. Someone always throws it back into your face, or something happens which means it all turns to shit. Love isn't worth it and is probably the single most overrated piece of shit ever. Also, why the fuck do people have to make it so complicated? I don't see why humans have to act in this way, it makes no sense. Nothing even matters anyway, everything is temporary, we aren't even specks on the surface of anything we're so fucking small. So why should I care about any of this? I don't even know anymore. I know that I think these things, but I also know that I really want to be loved. So much it hurts. I also have so much to give. Sure, I'm pretty different, but underneath all of this shit that I have described I have a hell of a lot of love. It just needs someone to go to. It seems like that doesn't make any difference though.
Friday, 11 September 2009
I can't believe it's not a blog post!
Sorry for the shit title, couldn't think of anything better off the top of my head. Also this post is likely to be quite short, can't be bothered to write loads today.
First proper day back at college today. I'm not going to write about it too much, as it was predictably crap (but at least I got to see everyone again I suppose). I can't wait until I leave and go to uni, it's going to be so good! I will share one little anecdote with you about college today though. My form tutor Chris (a bit of a twat) gave out our new ID cards today. They have our college photos on them and mine is literally the worst piece of shit photo you have ever seen. Now, because my last name is Atkinson, I'm at the top of the register (and have been for like, ever). This means of course that my card (along with my fucking ugly picture) is on top of the pile. So Chris starts going on about our ID cards for at least ten minutes (it was totally unnecessary) all the while waving my stupid picture around so that everyone could see it. He then has the nerve to tell us that "he doesn't want to embarrass anyone" and so he will now "give out our cards individually". What a fucking joke! I'm not sure if he realised what it was that he did, he's pretty retarded. But still!
So that was a bad start to an overall fairly shit day. Spent the afternoon listening to The Beatles again (I can't stop) and I decided to give the new Muse album another chance too. I think it's growing on me, although I still think that Guiding Light is terrible. That's the only track I can't bear to listen to now though, so who knows? I also put on that Undertones album I was talking about yesterday. They're pretty good, a kind of proto-pop/punk band (that's a bit of a mouthful, isn't it?). They sing about things like obsessing over girls, calling them up, going round their houses etc. and just general teen euphoria. They seem to be very relevant to my life at the moment.
Spent hours of my evening talking to thizzley (amongst others, but mostly her) on irc. I blame her mostly for the fact that I only finished my physics homework (due in tomorrow) about ten minutes ago. Oh well, it was totally worth it. She's lovely. One day I shall go and see her and we will swim in tea (don't question it) and it will be spiffing and excellent. Physics homework was very confusing. I had to read a bunch of pages from an A2 book they gave us. I don't like the A2 course so far, it seems very hard. I hardly understood any of it, worst of all I am unlikely to even remember any of it tomorrow. I don't know why they bother setting homework which is just reading something. I never learn anything that way. Silly fools.
Also spent a considerable amount of time talking/webcamming to my awesome friend Amy. We both wore our chullos (mine's borrowed, but I will soon get my own. I am determined) and it was EPIC. I am also seeing her in London (she lives over there) soon which is VERY EXCITING. Because I am so kind, I shall show you a picture of a chullo (in case you didn't know what it was, I didn't know they were called chullos until really recently anyway). This is a chullo:
T
hey are seriously the best hats. So warm! I put it on so that it was covering up my face (Amy did it first...) and it was even warmer, but I found it quite difficult to breathe. I also discovered that it is very hard to sing while wearing it in this way (we both had our guitars out and were playing various tunes). It just kind of comes out as a load of incomprehensible mumbles, which is obviously not very practical for performance purposes.
I shall stop here as I am tired and I have college again tomorrow (boohiss). I will also try to remember to give back my friend's chullo (I was supposed to today). I shall miss it, but I am afraid that I just have to let go...
First proper day back at college today. I'm not going to write about it too much, as it was predictably crap (but at least I got to see everyone again I suppose). I can't wait until I leave and go to uni, it's going to be so good! I will share one little anecdote with you about college today though. My form tutor Chris (a bit of a twat) gave out our new ID cards today. They have our college photos on them and mine is literally the worst piece of shit photo you have ever seen. Now, because my last name is Atkinson, I'm at the top of the register (and have been for like, ever). This means of course that my card (along with my fucking ugly picture) is on top of the pile. So Chris starts going on about our ID cards for at least ten minutes (it was totally unnecessary) all the while waving my stupid picture around so that everyone could see it. He then has the nerve to tell us that "he doesn't want to embarrass anyone" and so he will now "give out our cards individually". What a fucking joke! I'm not sure if he realised what it was that he did, he's pretty retarded. But still!
So that was a bad start to an overall fairly shit day. Spent the afternoon listening to The Beatles again (I can't stop) and I decided to give the new Muse album another chance too. I think it's growing on me, although I still think that Guiding Light is terrible. That's the only track I can't bear to listen to now though, so who knows? I also put on that Undertones album I was talking about yesterday. They're pretty good, a kind of proto-pop/punk band (that's a bit of a mouthful, isn't it?). They sing about things like obsessing over girls, calling them up, going round their houses etc. and just general teen euphoria. They seem to be very relevant to my life at the moment.
Spent hours of my evening talking to thizzley (amongst others, but mostly her) on irc. I blame her mostly for the fact that I only finished my physics homework (due in tomorrow) about ten minutes ago. Oh well, it was totally worth it. She's lovely. One day I shall go and see her and we will swim in tea (don't question it) and it will be spiffing and excellent. Physics homework was very confusing. I had to read a bunch of pages from an A2 book they gave us. I don't like the A2 course so far, it seems very hard. I hardly understood any of it, worst of all I am unlikely to even remember any of it tomorrow. I don't know why they bother setting homework which is just reading something. I never learn anything that way. Silly fools.
Also spent a considerable amount of time talking/webcamming to my awesome friend Amy. We both wore our chullos (mine's borrowed, but I will soon get my own. I am determined) and it was EPIC. I am also seeing her in London (she lives over there) soon which is VERY EXCITING. Because I am so kind, I shall show you a picture of a chullo (in case you didn't know what it was, I didn't know they were called chullos until really recently anyway). This is a chullo:
T
hey are seriously the best hats. So warm! I put it on so that it was covering up my face (Amy did it first...) and it was even warmer, but I found it quite difficult to breathe. I also discovered that it is very hard to sing while wearing it in this way (we both had our guitars out and were playing various tunes). It just kind of comes out as a load of incomprehensible mumbles, which is obviously not very practical for performance purposes.I shall stop here as I am tired and I have college again tomorrow (boohiss). I will also try to remember to give back my friend's chullo (I was supposed to today). I shall miss it, but I am afraid that I just have to let go...
Thursday, 10 September 2009
The Resistance
So, it finally happened. I got my hands on the entire new Muse album, and only 5 days early as well! Bear in mind that this was probably the thing I was looking forward to the most this year (way back in January!) and you can see why I am a bit (!!) excited about it. However I have only listened to it once all the way through so far, sadly I suspect I am growing rather tired of Muse. It's their own fault really, they shouldn't have released it in little bits before the proper release. I've listened to Uprising and United States of Eurasia almost 50 times each now, so maybe you can see why I wouldn't want to listen to them much more at the moment. I don't think its fair to judge an album I've only listened to once all the way through, however I am a little bit disappointed with it. It seems to me like this album was hyped up way too much, so I expected a ridiculously bombastic return to form, akin to Origin of Symmetry (their second, and best album). However what I find in this album is a collection of songs not only inconsistent in quality (some of the songs are brilliant, however a couple of them are quite flat) but they don't even seem to fit together.
Matt seems to have gone off in a million different directions while writing it, and as a result the album is a bit of a pain to listen to in full. I hope it grows on me, I'd hate to have my most looked forward thing of this year taken away from me. Don't get me wrong, some of the songs are fucking brilliant (maybe even some of the best they've ever done) but this album just doesn't feel like a proper album. It's hard to explain, listen to it yourself and see. Anyway, I'm gonna stop going on about that for now, although I'm sure Muse will be cropping up all over this blog in the future.
Onwards and upwards! Having decided I was tired of Muse, I decided to look downstairs for some of my parent's old albums (their taste is surprisingly good). I picked up a couple of Beatles albums (I would later discover that these were the only Beatles albums we own on CD - this made me quite sad). I also got Different Class by Pulp and an Undertones Greatest Hits compilation type thing (I really like Teenage Kicks so I was curious). What a discovery with The Beatles! I know they were one of the biggest bands ever and everything but I've never bothered with listening to them. Until now!
I put Revolver on first (we only have that and Sgt. Pepper). Bloody hell, what an amazing album! Listened to that several times on repeat before putting Sgt. Pepper on. What a great album that is too! I don't want to sound like some kind of advert for The Beatles (I doubt they'd need it anyway) but my mind has literally been blown today by both of those albums. If you haven't listened to them then YOU NEED TO. Will put on the other two albums I raided today tomorrow probably. Oh yeah, if thizzley (my bffamerican Elisa, you pronounce it eeleesuh) reads that last paragraph she probably won't give a shit, she specifically said earlier she doesn't give shits about The Beatles. So thizzley, if you're reading this, FUCK YOU.
Other than my musical epiphany, today was fairly dire. Spent way too much time doing homework and other crap. Babysat a couple of my brother's friends in the evening. Very nice family, albeit slightly weird (but hey, who isn't these days?) and also THEY GAVE ME MONEY. For someone as regularly skint as me this is very exciting indeed! I'm going to stop now as I am very tired and have to go back to college tomorrow, it's the first proper day back. I'm dreading it.
Matt seems to have gone off in a million different directions while writing it, and as a result the album is a bit of a pain to listen to in full. I hope it grows on me, I'd hate to have my most looked forward thing of this year taken away from me. Don't get me wrong, some of the songs are fucking brilliant (maybe even some of the best they've ever done) but this album just doesn't feel like a proper album. It's hard to explain, listen to it yourself and see. Anyway, I'm gonna stop going on about that for now, although I'm sure Muse will be cropping up all over this blog in the future.
Onwards and upwards! Having decided I was tired of Muse, I decided to look downstairs for some of my parent's old albums (their taste is surprisingly good). I picked up a couple of Beatles albums (I would later discover that these were the only Beatles albums we own on CD - this made me quite sad). I also got Different Class by Pulp and an Undertones Greatest Hits compilation type thing (I really like Teenage Kicks so I was curious). What a discovery with The Beatles! I know they were one of the biggest bands ever and everything but I've never bothered with listening to them. Until now!
I put Revolver on first (we only have that and Sgt. Pepper). Bloody hell, what an amazing album! Listened to that several times on repeat before putting Sgt. Pepper on. What a great album that is too! I don't want to sound like some kind of advert for The Beatles (I doubt they'd need it anyway) but my mind has literally been blown today by both of those albums. If you haven't listened to them then YOU NEED TO. Will put on the other two albums I raided today tomorrow probably. Oh yeah, if thizzley (my bffamerican Elisa, you pronounce it eeleesuh) reads that last paragraph she probably won't give a shit, she specifically said earlier she doesn't give shits about The Beatles. So thizzley, if you're reading this, FUCK YOU.
Other than my musical epiphany, today was fairly dire. Spent way too much time doing homework and other crap. Babysat a couple of my brother's friends in the evening. Very nice family, albeit slightly weird (but hey, who isn't these days?) and also THEY GAVE ME MONEY. For someone as regularly skint as me this is very exciting indeed! I'm going to stop now as I am very tired and have to go back to college tomorrow, it's the first proper day back. I'm dreading it.
Wednesday, 9 September 2009
Holy crap, followers!
Was planning on doing this one on the same day as the first, but only just missed out. Oops. Anyway, I find myself with two followers already, after only a day of blogging! If you don't know them already (and I doubt you will), it gives me great pleasure to introduce my pals George and Nikki! George does taekwondo with me and is quite awesome, so I was fairly pleased when I saw his name pop up on my follower's list. I haven't spoken to Nikki for ages so that was also quite a surprise, but a good one! Her blog is also up on here somewhere, if you're interested.
Today was a rather dull day. The weather was great but I couldn't go out due to my evil college giving me piles and piles of work (which naturally still aren't finished). It should be illegal to give young people this much work, especially during summer, we need our time to go out and get excessively drunk! It is an important part of our growing up experience.
Had to make a pendulum for a physics experiment (won't go into it, it was dead boring), so I went to the shop to get some string and blu tac. That was essentially the only time I went out all day. I am surprised I haven't gone insane yet, that is what usually happens on days like this where I stay in the whole time. I did have some new music to keep my spirits up a bit today though. I managed to get my hands on two more of the new Muse songs from their fifth album, due to be released Monday. They are called Undisclosed Desires and Resistance. The latter is the title track and sounds quite similar to their early stuff, I was a bit disappointed at first as it sounded a bit bland. However I think it is growing on me. Undisclosed Desires, on the other hand, sounds fantastic! It sounds completely different, not like them at all (it even has slap bass!). I think that's good though, I like it when bands stretch themselves. They're both love songs as far as I can tell, this is looking like a very romantic album so far. This is also an unmuse like thing. Perhaps they are getting old.
I also played the PS2 for a bit (though probably shouldn't have). I am currently playing through Ratchet & Clank 3 again, I love those games. Annoyingly the game hadn't saved from when I had last saved it, for some reason. This meant having to play through a couple of levels I had already done. Got some pretty nifty new guns though, which I am fairly happy about. Spent the evening lounging around doing absolutely nothing, I should have done something more productive. Tomorrow is the last day I have left to do work in, it's going to be hell. Have been on irc for the past couple of hours, in my favourite channel #cranbaux. The people there really are awesome. However they keep me up for ages (they're all Americans) so irc plays havoc with my sleep pattern. Still, I feel it is worth it. I hope they see this, I love those guys.
Anyway, that was a fairly long post but I don't think I can be bothered to write any more. Might play Ratchet 3 later providing I'm not too exhausted. Babysitting tomorrow. I could do with the money.
Today was a rather dull day. The weather was great but I couldn't go out due to my evil college giving me piles and piles of work (which naturally still aren't finished). It should be illegal to give young people this much work, especially during summer, we need our time to go out and get excessively drunk! It is an important part of our growing up experience.
Had to make a pendulum for a physics experiment (won't go into it, it was dead boring), so I went to the shop to get some string and blu tac. That was essentially the only time I went out all day. I am surprised I haven't gone insane yet, that is what usually happens on days like this where I stay in the whole time. I did have some new music to keep my spirits up a bit today though. I managed to get my hands on two more of the new Muse songs from their fifth album, due to be released Monday. They are called Undisclosed Desires and Resistance. The latter is the title track and sounds quite similar to their early stuff, I was a bit disappointed at first as it sounded a bit bland. However I think it is growing on me. Undisclosed Desires, on the other hand, sounds fantastic! It sounds completely different, not like them at all (it even has slap bass!). I think that's good though, I like it when bands stretch themselves. They're both love songs as far as I can tell, this is looking like a very romantic album so far. This is also an unmuse like thing. Perhaps they are getting old.
I also played the PS2 for a bit (though probably shouldn't have). I am currently playing through Ratchet & Clank 3 again, I love those games. Annoyingly the game hadn't saved from when I had last saved it, for some reason. This meant having to play through a couple of levels I had already done. Got some pretty nifty new guns though, which I am fairly happy about. Spent the evening lounging around doing absolutely nothing, I should have done something more productive. Tomorrow is the last day I have left to do work in, it's going to be hell. Have been on irc for the past couple of hours, in my favourite channel #cranbaux. The people there really are awesome. However they keep me up for ages (they're all Americans) so irc plays havoc with my sleep pattern. Still, I feel it is worth it. I hope they see this, I love those guys.
Anyway, that was a fairly long post but I don't think I can be bothered to write any more. Might play Ratchet 3 later providing I'm not too exhausted. Babysitting tomorrow. I could do with the money.
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
The First One
Hello and welcome to the first post of what will undoubtedly be a spectacular blog! Hmm, I doubt it. I'll be happy if I get one fan (that'd be nice, wouldn't it?). I can't really be bothered with writing a great big introduction all about me and my personality (it's how I imagine these things start). I'm hoping bits of that will come out as the blog proceeds.
I was listening to Oasis earlier, it was pretty uncharacteristic for me. I suppose I can endure them on rare occasions (the news about them splitting was actually fairly amusing, I thought). I have a mountain of work to do today in preparation for college starting again on Thursday (boo!), so I should probably stop this for now... There might be another post later today. Maybe.
It all goes downhill from here on in...
I was listening to Oasis earlier, it was pretty uncharacteristic for me. I suppose I can endure them on rare occasions (the news about them splitting was actually fairly amusing, I thought). I have a mountain of work to do today in preparation for college starting again on Thursday (boo!), so I should probably stop this for now... There might be another post later today. Maybe.
It all goes downhill from here on in...
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